Aug 8, 2011
When I prepared to pack my bags for this adventurous world of Carrollton, Texas and Gospel For Asia, I had two rather small minded objectives:
1. I would finally catch up on my books (of which I brought a few).
2. I would finally escape from the pressing issues back home.
Today, as I write this, I can say that I have not been able to pick up any of the books I brought with me and not only am I going back to the issues I left, I am going to have to face them.
All of that to say, my expectations for this “1 month internship” were completely shattered.
And then there’s all this praying.
I have had to realize that the staff and students here pray CONSTANTLY. I mean, incredibly consistantly. It doesn’t matter whether they want to or not, though, because its rather necessary.
I dont think that I expected anything more or anything less. I think I just didn’t expect any of it.
But oh, what joy it has been to have my expectations of people and experiences completely destroyed because really, I am the only one who is hindered by them.
So I go into the deep places of my mind and of my heart and I see that all of these expectations, or lack there of, were made to awaken me from a sleep that I had not known I was overcome with.
But as I wake, I am entrusted with the knowledge of my ability to speak to God constantly. Without ceasing.
And I know in my heart that all this praying was what I should have been doing all along.
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Jul 28, 2011
I was listening to a Pastor Chuck Smith message through the book of 1 Samuel. When he got to chapter 10, 1 Samuel 10:26 says, “Saul also went to his home in Gibeah, accompanied by valiant men whose hearts had God had touched.” Pastor Chuck shares how awesome and beautiful it is when God touches the heart of a man and how much potential there is when this man gives his life to serving the Lord. Pastor Chuck goes on to share how at one time Christianity was thought of as feminine and not really very manly. Pastor Chuck corrects that and says, “the most manly thing you can do is to give your whole life in undivided devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ and in serving Him…that’s the most manly thing you can do!” Be a man or woman of God! Pastor Chuck continues on to share about firecrackers and how they have the ingredients for a big explosion while in the same way a man who has had his heart touched by God has such potential for a real big spiritual explosion! But then there’s also those firecrackers that are still packed with the ingredients for a big explosion but when they’re lit they’re duds and they fizzle out, just like in a similar way there’s those christians who have the ingredients inside him or her for a big spiritual explosion but they waste it and fizzle out.
Don’t be a fizzler with your life! Be a man or woman of God…that’s the most worthwhile and manly thing you can do! This will last for eternity! This is something I’ve been thinking about over these last few months. This message from Pastor Chuck has been encouraging, challenging and foundational to my life to not fizzle out and waste my potential for real big spiritual explosion.
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Jul 25, 2011
“Only fear the Lord, and serve Him in truth with all your heart; for consider how great things He hath done for you.”
This has been my favorite Bible verse for several years. It’s found in 1 Samuel 12:24. This verse has always encouraged me to do my best in serving the Lord. How can I serve Him with anything less than all my heart when He has done such great things for me?
Well, about a year and a half ago I found another verse that uses the same wording, Mark 5:19. Jesus has just healed a man who was possessed by a legion of demons. The man, being set free, sat at the feet of Jesus, the Bible says, “clothed and in his right mind”. His neighbors saw this and were afraid – they begged Jesus to leave their coasts.
Well, this man wasn’t about to let Jesus leave without him! He wanted to follow Jesus and be a disciple. He was free and could now go about the Lord’s work. As Jesus was entering into the boat the mat who was set free, followed after Him and begged to be allowed to go with Him.
“However, Jesus suffered him not but said unto him, ‘Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee and hath had compassion on thee.'” – Mark 5:19
And that’s the last word on this man. There’s never another mention of him.
Throughout this year I’ve thought about that verse a lot. Go home and tell your friends how great things the Lord has done for you and hath had compassion on you. I’m excited to say that right now that’s exactly what the Lord is giving me the opportunity to do. I’m finishing up my School of Discipleship year very soon and when I’m done at Gospel For Asia I get to go home and tell all of my family, friends, and supporters what great things the Lord has done for me! I have the opportunity to tell people how great our God is and to encourage them.
So, what ever did happen to the man Jesus sent? The Bible doesn’t tell us – but I’m pretty sure that God did great things through him and that he was unstoppable.
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Jul 15, 2011
I’ve been having a really tough week and a half. A week ago I became horribly discouraged and worried. I couldn’t pin point anything that was wrong, so I didn’t know what to blame it on. When I was asked this past weekend if I was doing okay I replied that the biggest thing that was wrong and what was bothering me is that I was no longer hearing the Lord’s voice. I had stopped seeking just Him. I was seeking Him + His will for my life, Him + peace, Him + joy, but not just Him.
I decided during the weekend that I would take time to pray and to seek God. I asked Him to break me and to make me more like Him. I asked to hear His voice yet again. I prayed that night for quite a while and there was no answer. The next night I cried out to God just to speak to me. It didn’t have to be huge, it didn’t have to be nice; I just wanted to hear His voice.
Then, clearer than I’ve ever heard the Lord speak to me, His voice was there in my head. I sat straight up as He said, “I am with you in your pain. In your pain you will know Me”.
Pain? What pain?
You might be as curious as I was wondering what this pain was. For the next few days I was looking around for what was going to happen. I was waiting for a car crash, or wondering if I was going to be mugged. I was clueless but sure that if I would have Him with me – I was going to look forward to it.
Well yesterday I was going about my day when suddenly the Lord grabbed me and showed me an area of my life that was completely off track. I was confronted with a choice. Would I change – or would I stay where I was at and defend my self?
The choice really was a no brainer – why stay the same when we can change and become like Christ?
So, I realized that God wasn’t there to give me physical pain and help get me through it. He knew that I was going to have to deal with things for these few days. There have been multiple things – some good, some bad – that have happened over the past 30 or so hours. I am drained and battle weary. But may I tell you that God is faithful? He cares about you and He cares about me way too much to let us stay the same.
One prayer I can guarantee that the Lord will answer is if you ask Him to break you and make you humble. That’s His desire for you and He will be so excited if you are ready to work with Him in those areas. I know He answered my prayer quick.
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Jul 12, 2011
It has been too long since I’ve posted a blog but I wanted to share a big thing God is teaching me through His Word in the book of 1 Samuel. I decided I wanted to do a character study on King David. But I don’t like topical studies as much and instead wanted to just read through 1 and 2 Samuel. But along the way, the Lord has changed my plans and instead I found myself looking at all of the other characters, including King Saul.
This book shows us that both King David and Saul started good, humble and young. Its the same when God callers us into the ministry, we started good, young, humble and full of zeal and passion and eager to do whatever God would have us do and to joyfully do what those above us ask of us. At least, this was how it was for me!
You probably know the story…Israel was a theocracy (God was their King and ruler). They rejected God as their king and wanted to be like all of the other nations who had kings. So God gave them what they wanted and gave them King Saul, Israel’s first king. He was not God’s idea for a king…he was what the people wanted so God gave them what they wanted. But it would cause problems and a downfall of the nation Israel into evil, corruption and all kinds of problems.
After Samuel’s anointing of Saul to be king, in 1 Samuel 9:21 it says, “Saul answered, “But am I not a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin? Why do you say such a thing to me?”
As it came time for Saul to be chosen among the tribes as King over Israel, they tried to bring him out to show the people but he was not found. Finally, with the help of the Lord, the Lord showed them that he has been hiding among the baggage (paraphrased from 1 Samuel 10:20-22)
Those two passages show Saul was a humble man. The Lord was also with Saul and Saul had the Lord’s anointing on his life. This to me sounds like an awesome beginning for the leader of Israel and to lead the nation in godliness.
He started out so good! But it didn’t continue like that nor did it finish that way. Saul’s first act of unbelief and disobedience came when he waited for Samuel to come bring a burnt and fellowship offering. But after 7 days (the time set by Samuel) he took the role of priest into his own hands and offered up the burnt and fellowship offerings. Samuel finally came and upon seeing what Saul had done, he rebuked him and called him foolish. Because of this, God rejected Saul as king and Samuel declared his unfitness to being Israel’s King. From here, Saul went down hill.
Later on, Saul was commanded by the Lord to go completely kill the Amalekites because of what they had done to Israel. First of all, something I never thought of before is that the Amalikites is a picture of our flesh. God commanded Saul to completely take them out and leave nothing alive. In the same way, God calls for us to completely kill and crucify our flesh and leave no room for it. Saul disobeyed and spared some of the animals including King Agag, the Amalikite king. In this way, we are not told to change our flesh, reform it or in some ways spare certain parts of our flesh…we’re told to completely kill it! This was just a side thought!
Upon Saul’s disobedience to completely wipe out the Amalikites, Samuel approaches Saul with rebuke and says in 1 Samuel 15:17, “Although you were once small in your eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The Lord anointed you as king over Israel.” That verse shows that Saul was once humble and small but is no longer. You see Saul then voicing a confession and repentance but I don’t believe it’s sincere, but rather that he’s trying to defend his position, title and fame as he says in 1 Samuel 15:30, “I have sinned. But please honor me before the elders of my people and before Israel;come back with me, so that I may worship the Lord your God.” Saul goes down hill and the Lord’s anointing and spirit left him. God had sought after a man after His own heart who would then be king of Israel, this being David a young shepherd boy.
As Saul grew to know David he saw that David was met with more success then Saul and his name became well known (1 Sam 18:30). In 1 Sam 18:20 it says, “Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. “They have credited David with tens of thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?” And from that time on, Saul kept a jealous eye on David.”
1 Samuel 18:12- “Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with David but had left Saul.” Saul was afraid of losing his position as king and someone else taking that spot.
As this story of Saul goes on, he gets worse and worse and spends the rest of his life bent on killing and getting David. He became jealous, took his eyes off God, and tried to defend his kingship!
Looking at my life I see that in many ways in ministry I have been a Saul at times. I’ve started out good and humble but I’ve found myself jealous of another brother or sister’s success and I’ve been worried about going to a different department in the ministry and I’ve been worried and jealous about someone else taking my position in my department. I have struggled with this and one day it got the worst of me and found myself falling, emotionless but yet just wanting to cry and I had to step out. Thankfully this hadn’t led to bitterness, anger and revenge like it did to Saul. I’ve been praying every day that I would stay humble and rejoice in others successes. Later on, God showed me that it was He that humbled me because of my pride and desiring position and defending it and being jealous of others’ positions and successes.
Thank the Lord he protected me and my heart as I gave it up to him and now it’s so freeing to be able to work together with my brothers and sisters at GFA with no hard feelings of bitterness and jealousy of their position or success. The Lord is the one who puts people in positions and makes people successful…I’ve been learning to praise and thank God for this! We’re a family and we’re the body of Christ but I find myself being like Saul or being like the 12 disciples and trying to be the greatest, when instead we should rejoice and praise God for each others’ positions and successes in the ministry and work together in love and unity realizing that God has everyone in the place He desires for them at the time. Maybe someday God will raise me but I must be faithful in the ministry to where He has me now! There’s freedom in this! After all, it’s God’s ministry and in the process of reaching the lost in Asia He gets all the glory!
We see that King David sinned badly and made huge mistakes such as murder and committing adultery. But after all this, God still kept him as King and called him a man after his own heart and even made Jesus come through his family line. Why did David still have this? Because even in his faults and failings, he still allowed God to work with him and he sincerely repented and chased God’s will, didn’t defend his kingship, unlike Saul who was the opposite! Ultimately, Saul dies and falls on the sword…such a wasted life to someone who started out good, humble and had so much potential!
So, it’s not about how good we start, it’s about how well we finish! This to me has been a warning to my heart which has helped me to stay in the ministry, following God with all my heart! I’ve been praying and desiring to stay humble and therefore I believe God has given me practical situations to practice it and it’s been a struggle, but He never gives more than we can handle!
I could go on and on about this topic and all the things God is showing me through his word. Praise God!
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