“If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” -1 John 4:20.
How many times I have heard this, I cannot even begin to count. At School of Discipleship I think one of the key things taught here is love. Before coming here, I would read verses like these and say to myself “this doesn’t apply to me because I do love.” How do I know I love? Well, because I certainly don’t hate. I serve my family (only when they ask), I am patient with my little sister (only when she does what I say), I’m an encouragement when others around me are feeling down (only if I feel good or ‘up to it’). You get the point and the list goes on. Shortly after I got here to School of Discipleship, we read one one of Gospel for Asia’s required reading called The Calvary Road and the author Roy Hession specifically states that anything that is not love is hate…..when I read that my whole world turned upside down. I realized I have not been loving anyone AT ALL. I realized this, but I still justified myself and kind of brushed it off my shoulders.
Recently, God has humbled me and shown me yet again how I have not been loving those around me, therefore, I have not been loving Christ. The fact that I have not been loving the God who saved me from a life of death has broken me and hurt my heart so much. Recently, I have had quite a few instances where people have come up to me and told me how I hurt them by my words, tone, and actions. In the end all I wanted to do was go hide and say “I am not coming out of my closet until my year here is done — I refuse to talk or give advice because all I do is hurt people.” Only by His grace has He changed my heart because of my willingness to want to love others.
After all these experiences, I had to ask myself, “what is love anyway?” According to the Word of God love is patient, kind, does not envy, is not boastful, conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, not provoked, does not keep any record of wrong (that was hard for me to read), finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. (1 Cor. 13:4-7).
When the Lord showed me this verse (which is the complete definition of who He is and what true love is), I was so broken because too be honest I didn’t see any of this in myself. I am not patient or kind, I love to keep records of wrongs…and so many other things. I realized that I have not been loving any of my brothers or sisters, this way. As the Lord was showing me all this, my flesh wanted to run and hide, but my Spirit was saying “repent to all those whom you have not loved, and let Me get you through by My grace.” As I heard this from the Lord, this is exactly what I did. I asked a lot of people for their forgiveness and still have more people to ask. I will tell you though, that by me obeying and submitting to the Lord, I have so much freedom!!!
I am so challenged here, not just during the time I am at Gospel for Asia’s office, but more so in my daily living, especially in my apartment with the three others girls I have to live with. I don’t believe I ever knew what true love was until I came here to School of Discipleship, and to be honest, I still don’t know what it is. What I do know is that God is love and only by Him can I love others with the perfect love we all should be loving one another with.
I am so happy that the living God loved me enough to show me this area in my life that has lacked so greatly because it is a HUGE deal! I was lying saying I loved God when I couldn’t even love those around me. I am still learning this and striving to live it out each day, but only with Jesus Christ ruling my life. The second I decide to do it in my own strength, I fail. I have to consistently choose to remain in Him. Love is not something that the Lord has just given me I have to choose each second to love because love is a choice, and as I choose this it becomes more and more natural.
I pray that as I continue this journey here at Gospel for Asia‘sSchool of Discipleship , I will choose to love everyone with a pure heart because I desire to love, honor, and please my Lord.
Gisela Yohannan shares with the graduating class on what it really means to graduate. We graduate from a program or a time, but our learning and growing never ends. In our pursuit of the Lord our heart must be seeking to grow in Him and never come to the place that we think we know enough.
I would like to share with you a passage of scripture that has been impacting my life and thoughts. I believe that for the past several weeks the Lord has proposed this question: can you live a life of no guarantees? Will you give up everything and trust me and allow me to be your only guarantee? To be honest there were aspects in this question that were hard for me to take but many weeks before this the Lord spoke to me through Numbers 18 and Ezekiel 3:18. I would like to share that lesson with you because it was those passages that prepared my heart to say “Yes.” Numbers 18 is an outline of promises and duties ascribed to the priests,
As I began to read it I was reminded of my priest hood under the new covenant and it seemed that it was said of me to pay attention because these challenges apply to my heart and life.
“All the best of the oil, and all the best of the wine, and of the wheat, the first fruits of them which they shall offer unto the Lord, them have I given thee.” Numbers 18:12.
The very best of the things offered to God was given to the Levites; it was their portion for God had said He will provide for them because they had no inheritance. The best of my life I freely give to God and here He promises me the best in return!
“And the LORD spake unto Aaron, Thou shalt have no inheritance in their land, neither shalt thou have any part among them: I am thy part and thine inheritance among the children of Israel.” Numbers 18:20.
He is my inheritance and now between these two verses a beautiful picture of provision is painted for me. The road I may go is not easy or full luxury but it is full of my Lord, He will be everything I need and He will provide for me. The reward I work for is not for earth nor is the return from the Lord; those things are before me laid up at my Kings feet.
“And the LORD said unto Aaron, Thou and thy sons and thy father’s house with thee shall bear the iniquity of the sanctuary: and thou and thy sons with thee shall bear the iniquity of your priesthood.” Number 18:1.
Here I pause for is not Christ our sin bearer? The answer is yes and it was impressed that I bear not the sin but I am accountable for their life, there blood is required of me.
“When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand.” Ezekiel 3:18.
The gospel is in my mouth and if I refuse to speak it to those I know need to hear it, then indeed there is a responsibility placed upon me. What does it mean that there blood is required of me, I do not know but it seems to be a great challenge given with such a grave responsibility. We all have been given the gospel message, will it be uttered or will those lifesaving words be held in? So many are entering into an eternity without Christ? It is a sobering thought and I invite you to think with me; know this, what God has called you to do He will also provide. There is blessed promises given for those who walk the narrow road and carry the burden of souls, it is a joy. Christ never promised luxury in this fading world and the best I expect is to live as my master lived, poor on earth rich in heaven. There are billions of souls crying out for truth, let’s open our mouth by the power of Christ and reach the lost and stem the tide of untold billions washing away to Hell.
My days are now full of family activities such as sledding, shoveling the snow from the driveway, and other things like raising my support to join staff at Gospel for Asia. Life is a roller coaster for sure. One moment I’m on the top of the world and the next I’m discouraged; wanting to climb in my bed and pull the covers over my head till the whole world dissolves. Today was actually a really good day till the afternoon but between lack of sleep and a few other stress factors I again got to the point where I wanted to hide from everyone. I cried a while and then looked through some pictures trying to find something that could help me not feel so gloomy. A picture of my family years ago… maybe just a goofy picture of my brothers and me. This is the one I found.
This is me the day I got the call saying I was accepted for the School of Discipleship. I was so excited that I ran outside in my socks to tell my brother who was taking pictures in the front yard. I’m not really fond of how I look in the photo but tonight it meant everything to me. It was remembering that God has specifically called me to do this job. He chose me to be in School of Discipleship and He chose me to keep serving by joining staff. I was more confident of God’s calling at this moment than I had ever been in my life and I felt a very similar (and maybe even greater) joy when I was sure God wanted me to join staff. So looking at the picture I had to ask myself what is different about life that makes me feel down in the dumps as opposed to skipping around in the dirt. Well it’s not God that’s changed and I’m sure that His call hasn’t changed either. The only thing that keeps changing are my emotions. But no matter what I do, or how I feel He is – and will always be – the same. That’s something I can bank on. He won’t let me down and He won’t let you down either.
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