Jun 17, 2013
Does submitting make you weak or strong? Does it rob you of your freedom or give you freedom?
These are some of the points that K.P. Yohannan brings out in his book, “Touching Godliness”. We’ve been learning that when we submit to the authority God has placed over us, we will find freedom! It means giving up our will in order to do what is being asked of us. Submission is not the same thing as obedience though. Obedience is doing what we’re told, if we want to or not. In other words, our heart’s not in it. Submission, on the other hand, is willing obeying, not because we have to, but because we choose to surrender our will to that of our authority.
God has been showing me that in order to truly live for Him I must submit, first to God Himself and then to the delegated authorities that He has place over me. I have also learned that submission is not giving up my own “strength“, but instead it is bringing that “strength” under control. Submission not only gives me freedom, it brings me closer to Jesus Christ! What more do I want?!
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Jun 17, 2013
My entire life I’ve been searching for love and have done some pretty extreme things on this journey to find it, such as: immorality, people pleasing, and using almost every drug under the sun.
My parents dedicated me to God when I was born but my home life didn’t come close to comparing to the Christian standard. My mother was over anxious, suffered from O.C.D. and my father abandoned me at a young age. This may be the reason for my thinking that God was distant and meticulously legalistic. No one taught me the significance of the elements or the reason why I recited the Lord’s Prayer and Psalms 23 every night which caused them to become nothing more than an empty ritual. I didn’t understand or have anyone to explain the concepts of religion or life and how one should live as a child so I grew up. I also didn’t receive the teachings necessary for growth spiritually nor an aid on my journey into adulthood. I couldn’t find help at home or at school. I’ve felt very alone for the majority of my life.
I’ve looked for love, or what I thought love was, in all the wrong places. I’ve changed who I was in order to fit into my social surroundings. I’ve been a punk, prep and everything in between. This has caused me to struggle with my identity in Christ quite a bit. (Am I doing what I do because I love Jesus or because this has become a way of life?) I’ve also looked for love in both intimate and platonic relationships, unavoidably leading to separation. I was introduced to the bliss of drugs near the beginning of high school, which led me to believe that I stopped caring what people and the world thought, only to be subject to a whole new level of trying to keep up with them.
In and out of detention centers, psych wards, rehab and later jail, I became callused and numb. I started cutting in my first rehab, starting as scratches eventually needing stitches. I met a girl at this place who made me feel incredible. She was everything I could’ve asked for. Despite this, it wasn’t her that I loved; it was the way she made me feel. I ended up sabotaging the relationship in various ways. Feeling ashamed of whom I’d become, I attempted suicide. Her parents knew a place where I could get some real help: Teen Challenge. I did a little research and quickly dismissed the idea of doing a 12 month faith based residential program.
After being kicked out of my apartment, living on the streets, coming close to death while being affiliated with gang members and a few more attempts at suicide I hit bottom and started the process to become a ‘student‘ at Teen Challenge. My first program started Aug 28/09. Early October I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior with full understanding at a service held at the farm. However, my flesh wasn’t going to give up so easily. Starting my 11th month in the program I was put back to month 1 because I lacked significant heart change, mostly obedience.
Soon after, I headed back into the world thinking I was equipped with the tools to handle certain situations that later led me back into the darkness. Forgetting that my identity and acceptance was found in Christ I went back to what I knew best, trying to find it in mankind. This led me to start thinking like a Buddhist, trying to separate myself from my feelings and desires. I became very philosophical, theoretical and idealistic trying to piece life together without God, doing nothing but running around in circles. I needed someone I could count on, to guide me and teach me; someone that would always be there for me and never steer me wrong.
Jesus is that person. I never fully understood how I could get to know someone that died 2000 years ago. That’s because you can’t. Thing is though, He isn’t dead, He’s very much alive. He’s giveen me the Holy Spirit who teaches me how I can serve and be more like my Master. I used to doubt His promises and have the uncanny ability to forget what wonderful things He has done but He has proven himself to me over and over. I should be dead, quite literally a few times over, but by His grace I’m able to tell you that He is epically awesome and that his love is incredibly amazing. I’m completely baffled as to why I ever question Him or how I can forget His awesomeness even more so how I doubt His love for me. The devil is a really good liar I guess…the scriptures that talk about spiritual warfare have been made for relevant to me in the recent past it’s almost overwhelming, but His grace is sufficient.
Because of the grace, mercy and love He has so willingly given me, and because I have chosen to be a slave to righteous living, not to mention the lessons I’ve learned in obedience, I have answered the call to attend Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship. I never thought God could forgive me of so much let alone use me to help save millions or use me to further His kingdom in any way for that matter. I’ve been here for a couple months and I’ve witnessed so much faith, servant-hood, love and grace. To say the very least it is simply epic. The examples that are given to us by the staff are challenging yet encouraging and hold us to a higher standard. I’m eternally grateful to my Father for choosing me to serve in this way. I’ve been exposed to an entirely different world of which I’ve grown to love very much. I am so stoked to see what he has in store for me and my classmates this year and even more so to see the character he will develop in each of us.
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Oct 29, 2012
How many of us have ever been in some kind of situation that made us just want to scream? I know I have; But really, what is it that makes us so jumpy, so on edge? Maybe it’s our tendency to want to control everything.
Really, when you think about it we would have been a lot better of if God had just made us robots with no freedom of choice, and no personal creativity, but He didn’t. So there comes a problem that we as Christians all face. We all “freak out” when our “control” over circumstances is threatened.
It’s true! Think about it, I can’t begin to tell you how many times, in my own life, when God stepped in and said “ok I’ll take that, you have had it way too long” or “this is how I want you to do it” or even just plain and simple “no” that I started running around (mentally) like a chicken with my head cut off because my “control” was threatened, I “freaked out”.
I absolutely love the quote from a certain movie that I like where the heroine says to the hero “don’t freak out!” because I feel that that’s exactly what God is saying to us! Psalm 46: 10 says “He (God) says, Be still (Don’t freak out!), and know that I am God…” and I must say that God has really been challenging me with this verse over the last couple of weeks.
I was sitting down thinking the other day (a dangerous occupation) and it occurred to me quite humorously: The animal God chose to relate us to as Christians was sheep, SHEEP!? I don’t know about you, but when I heard this I wanted to say (freaked out) “Come on God, a sheep? Really?”. Friends, the fact of the matter is, sheep are stupid and easily freakoutable. I wanted to say: “God, about this whole sheep thing, I personally would love to be an eagle or a wild mustang”. But I didn’t, in all my wisdom and knowledge, I decided to give God the benefit of the doubt; after all, He does know everything. Then it hit me, what’s really amusing about this sheep comparison is that we even make bad sheep!
When a sheep gets to know its master, and learns to hear His voice and recognize, it comes when called. But in keeping with our analogy from earlier, when I (one of God’s sheep) hear His call I tend to want to run the other direction.
I’m so glad that God gave us examples to look at and apply to our own lives especially in those twelve men that were closest to Him. When you think about it Jesus’ disciples were masters at the art of freaking out. Look at Mark 4:35-39 “…when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” Isn’t this great?! I love it! I can just here Jesus waking up and saying to those guys “Could you please stop yelling?! And Peter stop hiding in that barrel we’re not going to die!” (That was a paraphrase). Now we come to my favorite part in verse 39 “And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” I have a sneaking suspicion that Jesus was not just talking to the wind and waves here. I know what I would say if I woke up to my friends yelling and screaming at me, and the wind was blowing, and huge waves crashing. I would say exactly what Jesus said: “Peace! (stop freaking out) Be still!
Another place we find this example of being full of peace in God is Psalm 37: 7-8 “Be still (peace) before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret (don’t freak out)—it leads only to evil.” In this passage it is a little different. Here we see that “freaking out” can actually damage our relationship with God (“…it leads only to evil.”)!
Friends, the Bible says “do not fear, worry, fret (don’t freak out)” over a hundred times, almost as many times as the word grace is mentioned! So why is this so important? Why is it so damaging to us to worry? The answer is simple; Freaking out causes us to focus on our self, to take our eyes off of Christ, and ultimately, (if not dealt with) causes us to try and take the control of our life back from Jesus!
So how than, if we have a problem of “freaking out”, do we deal with it? The prophet Jeremiah says “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” The answer: We simply trust Him. Remember the Lord and who He is, be still and trust that whatever the issue is, He is bigger! Also memorize Psalm 25: 4-5 and let that be your comfort whenever you are tempted to “freak out”.
“Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”– Psalm 25: 4-5–
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Oct 1, 2012
Dear brothers and sisters,
Something has been tugging on my heart for a long while, and I feel that I should share it with you all. See, I believe and have a relationship with the one God who loves, heals, and delivers. Through my walk with Him, I have gone through valleys, and mountains, but in all of it I can see His faithfulness, and He has never once failed me. He is the only One on whom I can depend in any circumstance, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love the Lord.
The Lord has been with me through rain and shine, and has never left my side. Yes there have been times when I have been so focused on myself that I couldn’t feel Him with me, but in faith I pressed on and sure enough, once I refocused on Him, our relationship dove deeper than before. God is love…and because He is love, this means that He fits the description of what love is from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevered. Love never fails.”
Now, you may be wondering, “what about that has been tugging on your heart?” Well, I’m glad you asked! For one, I may have discovered this life-changing (not to be cliché) relationship, but SO many others have rejected it. Now, I’m not writing this newsletter story to condemn any of you, or to make you feel guilty, but what would I be if I didn’t share this with you? It would be like eating your favorite dessert in front of you, and not offering you any of it. Or if you had cancer, and I had the cure, but was selfish and kept it for myself instead of helping you. That would be wrong wouldn’t it?
So what brought on this topic, at this time, after so many previous newsletters that I’ve written? Recently I have had the opportunity to share my faith with my friend back in Pennsylvania (I’ll name him Freddy) who was/is going through a rather difficult time. See, he is looking for love, for someone to be there for him, and since there seemed to be no one who fit that idea, he wanted to end his life. This was the first time that I had ever been through something quite as life/death as this. But you see, God used me and another friend here at GFA to reach out to Freddy and because Freddy finally listened, he is still alive today. No, he didn’t accept the love of Jesus who is right there waiting for Freddy to open his heart to it, but I do believe that he is close.
Much like with Freddy, I want to share with anyone who will listen of the hope found in Jesus, and the love that He offers. Just looking back on my life and all that the Lord has brought me through, I honestly wouldn’t be alive right now if it weren’t for Him stepping in and guiding me through the darkness. Instead of trying to convince you of this truth, dear friends and family, I encourage you to take a look back at your life. Look at what you have gone through, what are the things that the Lord has brought you through?
Anyway, I am praying for you all. I pray for those who do have a relationship with the Lord, that they will dare to dive deeper than ever before into His nature and His presence. Oh how we should study and get to know those that we love, and even more so the Lord who loves us even when we don’t deserve it. I also pray for those of you who do not know the Lord. That your hearts will one day be softened and your eyes opened to the glory that is God. Embrace His love, because it is so great, that He sacrificed EVERYTHING just to give you the opportunity to live and commune with Him.
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Aug 28, 2012
Wow, it has already been 6 months as a student here at Gospel for Asia School of Discipleship! The Lord is teaching me so many things and He is also encouraging me! I think the biggest thing the Lord is encouraging me to do is to keep following, pursuing and seeking Him no matter how I feel. I think this is the absolute hardest thing for me to do because when I am emotional and don’t know why (and even when I do know why) I just want to hide and get away from everyone. Now if I chose to rely and act on what my emotions said, I would probably be back home. Making the decision to rely in faith on the Lord’s promises, is so hard for me, but once I do it I feel better because when I read His Word I truly trust what He says. There have been times however, when I read God’s Word and didn’t feel any different afterwards — this is where faith comes in.
Hebrews 11:1 says “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see” (NLT). This verse explains it perfectly. When my emotions decide to take over; immediately faith needs to step in. I have to have confidence that what I hope to happen (which would be that the feelings go away and ultimately that His perfect, good, pleasing will would be done so He may be glorified) and by hoping this will actually happen I can be so assured that it will happen. I know the Lord and He promises to answer the cries of His righteous ones, to deliver, and give them such perfect peace for those who choose to trust Him and keep their thoughts fixed on Him (Isa. 26:3). He also promises us that when we seek Him with all our hearts, we will find Him (Deut. 4:29) He is not going to hide Himself from us. He doesn’t desire us to stay on an emotional roller coaster for the rest of our lives! He came to give life and to give it more abundantly! (John. 10:10).
I find this so encouraging that the Lord showed me this because it really is so important to this Christian life. I mean think of one who is in the position of leadership. Don’t you think there are days when they just feel like giving up and not leading anymore? I mean those in leadership have so many different tasks to do, decisions to make and there not always easy decisions, and they most importantly have to shepherd their flock like Jesus calls them too. If they decided to just give up and stop leading because that’s what their feelings were telling them, I don’t think we would have any leaders in the world, and I know Gospel for Asia would not still be in existence.
The Lord has shown me I have to train my emotions. Whenever I feel them coming up and taking over I have to immediately go to the Lord and ask for faith. And all I need is faith as small as a mustard seed to move mountains. (Matthew 17:20) God has used so many people in my life, especially here at Gospel for Asia to remind me that my emotions and heart are very deceitful above all else (Jer. 17:9) and I need to put my faith in the Lord’s promises. The president of Gospel for Asia, K.P. Yohannan reminds us all of this very often. We need to be reminded because emotions are nothing we can hope in and make decisions based upon.
I think back in my life before School of Discipleship when I used to make so many decisions based on my emotions and every single time, it turned into a huge mess. I remember receiving a text, e-mail, or phone call from someone who made me so angry and instead of taking it to the Lord I decided to react and I ended up really hurting that person and caused them to view God not as a loving God but as an angry God because I called myself a Christian. I praise God that He has been so gracious to me and grown me very much in this area of my life! I also praise God for even bringing me here to School of Discipleship so that these areas in my life can be revealed.
I desire to live by faith and I am encouraged to do so by all the wonderful people here at Gospel for Asia. Each day they encourage me even when I fail to not give up and to keep running the race for Christ. Praise God 🙂
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