Nov 30, 2011
When I was a young girl I planned my life and was certain that by the time I was 25 years old I’d be married with four kids and succeeding in a career. Now that I have reached 25, I can testify to the truth of the statement, “God can do far more than what we can ever imagine.” I am so happy that God doesn’t take direction from me! His plan is a perfect, holy, blameless plan with a purpose greater than we know.
I am not married yet, but I have found a LOVE more beautiful and perfect than I have ever or will ever deserve! As I grow in my faith, my outlook on life and my purpose in it is unbending. A once panoramic perspective of me, myself and I has become a vast vertical vision of Jesus, His suffering children and the passion to uplift them.
I once thought it was impossible to know a mother’s love unless you actually were a mom. God proved to me otherwise when He blessed me with the opportunity to love and be loved by hundreds of underprivileged children in Asia. I have begun to understand a mother’s connection with her children. It is something of divine essence that is just so difficult to describe in words, songs, or poetry. I experienced the unfeigned sacrifice, or at least the inclination of it, to add to them even just a single trace of joy, safety, peace, and everything else righteous that a child deserves.
My idea of success now transcends all of life’s preconceptions, notions, and ideologies. I am nothing but a season, a chance that soon will pass. I’ve learned that success is not determined by how much I can accumulate, how great a name I can make for myself, or how high I can climb the ladder. Success is determined by the choices I make every day that will influence whether I am storing up the fleeting things of this world, or living in the light of eternity.
Growing up, I used to wish for lovely shiny things for my birthday. Now my only “wish” this year is to see progress toward the fulfillment of the vision God has placed on my heart: for underprivileged, orphan, and abandoned children in Asia to be raised up in God’s love and become the future leaders for His kingdom work. Please help make my “birthday wish” come true by spending a few minutes in prayer for the underprivileged children in Asia today!
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Sep 22, 2011
On Saturday morning I felt excited–not because anything particularly eventful was going on in my life, but because I knew that my friends from the School of Discipleship January class were leaving for Asia that day! Memories of my own long-anticipated vision tour to Asia eight months ago flooded into my mind as I knew it was the January class’s big day to hop on a plane at DFW International Airport for the first leg of the journey to Asia.
Some of my memories of the vision tour were actually intertwined with memories of the January class. The current January class arrived to Texas to start School of Discipleship just as my class (the August 2010 class) left for Asia! During the frenzy of packing that happened on Friday night, January 21, and Saturday morning, January 22, I got to meet two of my future house-mates, Christina and Jolie. I remember how happy I was that they actually wanted to meet us, even though I was a little stressed–especially Saturday morning when Jolie and her family arrived to move her into the apartments! Thankfully, they were very understanding of me as I frantically tried to stuff things into my suitcase and wore the expression of a deer in the headlights 🙂
Anyone who has been on a Gospel for Asia tour to Asia can tell you that it’s a lot of work! Aside from taking care of travel arrangements like applying for passports and visas, practicing songs to share with the Bridge of Hope children and Bible-college students, and learning about cultural do’s and don’ts, the week before the trip includes the inevitable chores of buying last-minute items, packing, packing and more packing. If you’re like me, you decide to do the vast majority of this the night before your departure, hence the deer-in-the-headlights look on Saturday morning.
When you finally make it to the Gospel for Asia office so that all the staff members and families can pray for you before you leave for the airport, you can finally breathe a sigh of relief (unless you’re me, who realized after I got there that I had forgotten my camera. By the grace of God, a very kind staff member offered to drive me back to the apartment so I could get it.) At about 8:30 last Saturday morning, the January students made it to this point. Back home , I thought of them as they gathered at the office for the prayer-bathed commencement of their Asia tour!
Having read their posts on Facebook counting the days before their trip, I knew that they were excited to see Asia, and I couldn’t help but feel a bit of that same enthusiasm–and wish I was there with them. I know that they are not only going to have the privilege of seeing another country in all its beauty and diversity, but they are also going to draw closer to God and to each other. They will have the joy of actually getting to see what a Bridge of Hope center or a Bible college is like. Their hearts will melt as they watch the Bridge of Hope students perform songs and dances and recite Scripture memory verses. They might get to pump water from a Jesus Well. (Hopefully, they will not have to use the Jesus Well to wash their feet after accidentally stepping into a sewage-filled gulley, as I did.) And one of the best parts of the trip is getting to spend time with some of the national works on the mission field. This gave us a chance to see that they are not only godly servants who inspire our humility and awe by making huge strides in advancing Christ’s kingdom, but they are also PEOPLE. As they share their lives with us for a few days and educate us about their culture and ministry work, we realize that they have families, they laugh and make jokes, they know how to get the best prices on souvenirs, and they have unique stories of God’s faithfulness in their lives. Their examples of love and hospitality make a vision tour unforgettable. So all the preparations for the trip–like packing and attending after-work meetings and overcoming one’s fear of bugs and/or cultural blunders–are worth it.
I thank God that my classmates and I had this experience–and that the January students are currently having it! What a gift: He gave us the chance to partner with our brothers and sisters in Asia, and He has also allowed us to meet them face-to-face.
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Aug 17, 2011
“While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jarius, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?” Over hearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid just believe.” Mark 5:21-43
This summer I went into my three month internship with some expectations. Some of them were met, others were not. Having been at Gospel for Asia for a month last year, I did not expect to be out of my comfort zone as much as some of the other interns. Boy, was I wrong.
Everything was going well until one day we went to Celebrate Freedom. There we were to pass out the new No Longer a Slumdog books. To be honest, I was scared and I told another intern straight out, “I don’t think I can do this.” Now, I’ve been at multiple events in the past representing Gospel for Asia but this time I was intimidated because I actually had to STOP people who wouldn’t normally stop at this kind of booth. I was really insecure about this. After our group prayed to God though, it was almost as if He was strengthening all of us to go on and I noticed as my time went on, I became more and more excited about passing out the books.
Once I was in the airport over the July 4th weekend, and I saw this man sitting by himself on the other side of the terminal. God kept on pushing me to go and talk to Him, and each time I said “no” the conviction I needed to go over there got stronger and stronger. Eventually it go so strong, I knew I had to go and talk to him. So I went over and sat with Him and started asking Him some questions. I knew God wanted me to give Him a gospel tract, but I went away before being able to give him a Gospel tract. I was too afraid.
God, as He always does used my failure as a time of teaching. He comforted me saying, saying, “Even though you fail, I still love you.” That really boggled my mind a lot.
Also during this time, I came to the place in Grace Awakening by Charles Swindoll where it talked abouat not fearing being the most common command of Jesus. This greatly encouraged me during this time.
I’m still not perfect. God will continue to challenge me to get out my comfort zone, as he challenges all of us in our weaknesses. Yet, one thing I do know, God will work through us as we turn to Him whether through our weakness our strengths.
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Jul 15, 2011
I’ve been having a really tough week and a half. A week ago I became horribly discouraged and worried. I couldn’t pin point anything that was wrong, so I didn’t know what to blame it on. When I was asked this past weekend if I was doing okay I replied that the biggest thing that was wrong and what was bothering me is that I was no longer hearing the Lord’s voice. I had stopped seeking just Him. I was seeking Him + His will for my life, Him + peace, Him + joy, but not just Him.
I decided during the weekend that I would take time to pray and to seek God. I asked Him to break me and to make me more like Him. I asked to hear His voice yet again. I prayed that night for quite a while and there was no answer. The next night I cried out to God just to speak to me. It didn’t have to be huge, it didn’t have to be nice; I just wanted to hear His voice.
Then, clearer than I’ve ever heard the Lord speak to me, His voice was there in my head. I sat straight up as He said, “I am with you in your pain. In your pain you will know Me”.
Pain? What pain?
You might be as curious as I was wondering what this pain was. For the next few days I was looking around for what was going to happen. I was waiting for a car crash, or wondering if I was going to be mugged. I was clueless but sure that if I would have Him with me – I was going to look forward to it.
Well yesterday I was going about my day when suddenly the Lord grabbed me and showed me an area of my life that was completely off track. I was confronted with a choice. Would I change – or would I stay where I was at and defend my self?
The choice really was a no brainer – why stay the same when we can change and become like Christ?
So, I realized that God wasn’t there to give me physical pain and help get me through it. He knew that I was going to have to deal with things for these few days. There have been multiple things – some good, some bad – that have happened over the past 30 or so hours. I am drained and battle weary. But may I tell you that God is faithful? He cares about you and He cares about me way too much to let us stay the same.
One prayer I can guarantee that the Lord will answer is if you ask Him to break you and make you humble. That’s His desire for you and He will be so excited if you are ready to work with Him in those areas. I know He answered my prayer quick.
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Jul 12, 2011
It has been too long since I’ve posted a blog but I wanted to share a big thing God is teaching me through His Word in the book of 1 Samuel. I decided I wanted to do a character study on King David. But I don’t like topical studies as much and instead wanted to just read through 1 and 2 Samuel. But along the way, the Lord has changed my plans and instead I found myself looking at all of the other characters, including King Saul.
This book shows us that both King David and Saul started good, humble and young. Its the same when God callers us into the ministry, we started good, young, humble and full of zeal and passion and eager to do whatever God would have us do and to joyfully do what those above us ask of us. At least, this was how it was for me!
You probably know the story…Israel was a theocracy (God was their King and ruler). They rejected God as their king and wanted to be like all of the other nations who had kings. So God gave them what they wanted and gave them King Saul, Israel’s first king. He was not God’s idea for a king…he was what the people wanted so God gave them what they wanted. But it would cause problems and a downfall of the nation Israel into evil, corruption and all kinds of problems.
After Samuel’s anointing of Saul to be king, in 1 Samuel 9:21 it says, “Saul answered, “But am I not a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin? Why do you say such a thing to me?”
As it came time for Saul to be chosen among the tribes as King over Israel, they tried to bring him out to show the people but he was not found. Finally, with the help of the Lord, the Lord showed them that he has been hiding among the baggage (paraphrased from 1 Samuel 10:20-22)
Those two passages show Saul was a humble man. The Lord was also with Saul and Saul had the Lord’s anointing on his life. This to me sounds like an awesome beginning for the leader of Israel and to lead the nation in godliness.
He started out so good! But it didn’t continue like that nor did it finish that way. Saul’s first act of unbelief and disobedience came when he waited for Samuel to come bring a burnt and fellowship offering. But after 7 days (the time set by Samuel) he took the role of priest into his own hands and offered up the burnt and fellowship offerings. Samuel finally came and upon seeing what Saul had done, he rebuked him and called him foolish. Because of this, God rejected Saul as king and Samuel declared his unfitness to being Israel’s King. From here, Saul went down hill.
Later on, Saul was commanded by the Lord to go completely kill the Amalekites because of what they had done to Israel. First of all, something I never thought of before is that the Amalikites is a picture of our flesh. God commanded Saul to completely take them out and leave nothing alive. In the same way, God calls for us to completely kill and crucify our flesh and leave no room for it. Saul disobeyed and spared some of the animals including King Agag, the Amalikite king. In this way, we are not told to change our flesh, reform it or in some ways spare certain parts of our flesh…we’re told to completely kill it! This was just a side thought!
Upon Saul’s disobedience to completely wipe out the Amalikites, Samuel approaches Saul with rebuke and says in 1 Samuel 15:17, “Although you were once small in your eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The Lord anointed you as king over Israel.” That verse shows that Saul was once humble and small but is no longer. You see Saul then voicing a confession and repentance but I don’t believe it’s sincere, but rather that he’s trying to defend his position, title and fame as he says in 1 Samuel 15:30, “I have sinned. But please honor me before the elders of my people and before Israel;come back with me, so that I may worship the Lord your God.” Saul goes down hill and the Lord’s anointing and spirit left him. God had sought after a man after His own heart who would then be king of Israel, this being David a young shepherd boy.
As Saul grew to know David he saw that David was met with more success then Saul and his name became well known (1 Sam 18:30). In 1 Sam 18:20 it says, “Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. “They have credited David with tens of thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?” And from that time on, Saul kept a jealous eye on David.”
1 Samuel 18:12- “Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with David but had left Saul.” Saul was afraid of losing his position as king and someone else taking that spot.
As this story of Saul goes on, he gets worse and worse and spends the rest of his life bent on killing and getting David. He became jealous, took his eyes off God, and tried to defend his kingship!
Looking at my life I see that in many ways in ministry I have been a Saul at times. I’ve started out good and humble but I’ve found myself jealous of another brother or sister’s success and I’ve been worried about going to a different department in the ministry and I’ve been worried and jealous about someone else taking my position in my department. I have struggled with this and one day it got the worst of me and found myself falling, emotionless but yet just wanting to cry and I had to step out. Thankfully this hadn’t led to bitterness, anger and revenge like it did to Saul. I’ve been praying every day that I would stay humble and rejoice in others successes. Later on, God showed me that it was He that humbled me because of my pride and desiring position and defending it and being jealous of others’ positions and successes.
Thank the Lord he protected me and my heart as I gave it up to him and now it’s so freeing to be able to work together with my brothers and sisters at GFA with no hard feelings of bitterness and jealousy of their position or success. The Lord is the one who puts people in positions and makes people successful…I’ve been learning to praise and thank God for this! We’re a family and we’re the body of Christ but I find myself being like Saul or being like the 12 disciples and trying to be the greatest, when instead we should rejoice and praise God for each others’ positions and successes in the ministry and work together in love and unity realizing that God has everyone in the place He desires for them at the time. Maybe someday God will raise me but I must be faithful in the ministry to where He has me now! There’s freedom in this! After all, it’s God’s ministry and in the process of reaching the lost in Asia He gets all the glory!
We see that King David sinned badly and made huge mistakes such as murder and committing adultery. But after all this, God still kept him as King and called him a man after his own heart and even made Jesus come through his family line. Why did David still have this? Because even in his faults and failings, he still allowed God to work with him and he sincerely repented and chased God’s will, didn’t defend his kingship, unlike Saul who was the opposite! Ultimately, Saul dies and falls on the sword…such a wasted life to someone who started out good, humble and had so much potential!
So, it’s not about how good we start, it’s about how well we finish! This to me has been a warning to my heart which has helped me to stay in the ministry, following God with all my heart! I’ve been praying and desiring to stay humble and therefore I believe God has given me practical situations to practice it and it’s been a struggle, but He never gives more than we can handle!
I could go on and on about this topic and all the things God is showing me through his word. Praise God!
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