Nov 18, 2010
I’ve been learning a lot lately about being the bride of Christ. And a lot about trusting God–fully and implicitely. Because you shouldn’t marry someone unless you trust them completely in every area, right? 🙂 That was always my assumption anyway.
But that assumption was challenged by a comment from Charlotte Lucas in the movie Pride and Prejudice: “He does not know her character as we do. . .but there is plenty of time for us to get to know him after they’re married.” The idea, in a nutshell, was that since Jane Bennett and Charles Bingley were well acquainted enough to trust each other on a superficial level (and since they were obviously in love), they should go ahead and tie the knot because, after all, they will get to know each other better after they are married. Of course, the story is set in a time when marriage was a much higher priority on everyone’s agenda, so sometimes people got married for less chivalrous ideas than love and romance, but still. . .it seems a logical plan of action, as long as you take into consideration that any relationship founded mostly on emotions is bound to be tested at some point. There comes a time when you have to trust each other’s character when the emotions aren’t there.
I’ve been struggling with learning to trust God well enough not to question His ways. I’m trying to learn to trust God’s character, even when it seems like what He’s allowing me to go through could hardly be an expression of His love. To trust that He really is working all things for my good, even when I can’t possibly see what that good might be. I know that a certain level of blind faith is involved, but I also want to have something to base that trust on. And hearing that quote made me see a parallel: when I initially began my relationship with God, all I needed to know was that He loved me SO MUCH, and that He could save me when I could not save myself. Essentially, God knows that I need to trust His love first of all, and then learn to trust His character as I get to know Him better.
As I was journaling and praying, trying to make sense in my mind what exactly I was asking from God, I felt silly asking the God of the universe to prove Himself before I could trust Him; but I feel that trust, by definition, is something to be earned, not just given. And it seemed as if Jesus read my heart and sent me the answer I was looking for–in an entry from My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers:
“God wants you to understand that it is a life of faith, not a life of emotional enjoyment of His blessings. Faith by its very nature must be tested and tried. And the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God’s character must be proven as trustworthy in our own minds. Faith, as the Bible teaches it, is faith in God coming against everything that contradicts Him–a faith that says, ‘I will remain true to God’s character whatever He may do.’ The highest and the greatest expression of faith in the whole Bible is–‘Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him’ (Job 13:15).
So, simply believing in God is easy. The difficulty in trusting God lies in when I am waiting for His character to be proven trustworthy, when I can’t see what He’s accomplishing through my hard times. And that’s when I have to remember that He does love me, so much. And I can rest and put my trust in His love.
“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.” ~Psalm 13:5-6
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Oct 16, 2010
A couple days ago the Lord taught me something really cool. As a part of the GFA home team we are on a rotation to clean bathrooms. (Glamorous right?) So, today as I was cleaning the bathroom and checking things off of the list, I was praying through some struggles. The end my prayer was just “I want to be more and more like Jesus. I want to be more and more like Him.” So I was almost finished with my job and was polishing the wooden door, when Keith, one of the core staff members at GFA stopped to say thank you. He thanked me for doing the job all the way and making sure that everything got done right. I’m thinking, “Everything done right? If only you knew.”
He said that what I was doing indirectly made him look good since he is in charge of building and grounds upkeep. When K.P. looks at things he would say “Wow, Keith’s doing a good job.”
“What? Excuse me, I’m the one doing this work. Why should he get the credit?”
It made me think, what if we all did things just to give our Father the credit? He’s the boss. If we did things just so that he’d get the praise, life would be so much better. It wouldn’t be a competition to do more because no one would know that you did it in the first place. It’d just be something that God did.
So, what if we did things all the way all the time? Not just on the outside where people can see it, like this door; but sweeping next to the garbage can and dusting the corners? What if we made sure Christ got the credit for that too?
What is there in your life that you are doing half way? Is it trying to make money – or is it your Bible study? Which one is it that Christ is getting credit for? What would you change if you knew everything you were doing in life went into His account and not yours? If everything you did showed up on Jesus’ background check, would you want to hire him?
So that’s what Christ taught me as I was cleaning the bathroom – that I need to be doing things for Him because everything I do is going on His account.
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Oct 14, 2010
I was thinking about my year as a student this week. I think the lesson that was etched all over my year was to own up to who I am and then see it in light of who Christ is. I am really good at dodging the truth, trying to hide my flaws, shifting the blame. I’m so totally flawed, and I know it, but I don’t want anyone to think so.
Through my year as a student God used almost everything I experienced (my house leader, my roommates, my job) to show me that (1) I need to be completely honest before Him about who I am, that means all my sin and shortcomings. (2) when I’m honest before Him, when I repent and take responsibility for my sin and failures, He goes about changing me and making me like Him in ways I never thought possible. And (3), my fellowship with those around me is so much richer and deeper as a result.
There’s complete honesty and humility at the foot of the cross. Jesus redeems our messyness. He is so good.
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Oct 11, 2010
Instead of importing other people’s spiritual success stories, I would find it more natural for us all to search for the ways that God has ordained for each one of us to put into practice in our own time and place what we feel He has revealed to us. Hummm….
Some of this is a crutch: hiding fear. We may leap but it wont be out of faith. The core followers of Christ have found that following Him is not about having sufficient academic and statistical proof before they act…rather, it is about having the faithful and obedient desire to follow God’s Word and do what He said, no matter what, when, where, or who has gone before.
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Oct 5, 2010
“God is our refuge and strength a very present help in trouble.”
This is a verse that my little sister wrote out for me on a piece of cardboard before I left home. It has been sitting on my desk since I got to Gospel For Asia but it was only today – more than a month later – when I realized that this is what God has been teaching me for the whole time I’ve been here. Whenever I mess up or feel homesick, God is with me. I think that He has let me mess up so much while I’m here simply so I will rely on Him and remember that I am here for His glory – not because I am qualified. He is always so near to me. I am learning to listen to His voice and to accept His grace and peace.
His grace is His loving favor even when we continually mess up. He cares for me so much that he made a way for my sins to be forgiven. When I would be guilty before His throne – unable to have a relationship with Him – doomed to eternal hell, He sent a sacrifice. His son died for me that I might stand before him even with my imperfections. He can no longer see that I am not perfect.
Matt said in class this week that often we go before God and ask Him “How can You love me when I have done this sin?” He said that God just looks at us and says “Why are you bringing that up again? I distinctly remember forgetting that.” Our God keeps no record of our wrongs or our shortcomings. He only wants us to be able to live life to the fullest through being made into the likeness of His Son.
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