Mar 15, 2019
Lately it’s been on my heart to share how I ended up on this path at Gospel for Asia. Looking back a year ago, I can see 100% how the Lord was preparing my heart and allowing things to happen in my life that would eventually lead me here.
Exactly one year ago, I was on a flight to Oregon for one week. Just a month prior, I thought I would be moving back to the west coast after staying in Virginia for a little bit, after being in South Korea for three months. I’m getting ahead of myself, though.
A lot of things were different a month before this flight. I felt good. I had a boyfriend, I was moving back to a beautiful state that I had fallen in love with, I was working out regularly, I knew what I was going to do with my life, and I had everything figured out. I had just gotten back from a missions internship; I was doing so good.
Then something happened that I never saw coming in a million years. I started doubting everything. All my plans… I started wondering if, maybe my boyfriend wasn’t perfect for me and if there was someone out there a little more similar to me; that maybe for the last two years of knowing and dating my boyfriend on and off, I was wrong. It was like I woke up one day and everything was literally right in front of me – my whole life. I’d move to Oregon, I’d marry this guy and we’d work at the camp or church that we met at, and that was my life. So of course, Oregon became a question too. Is this all there is for me? Am I ready to settle down?
Now, please don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like I thought there was anything wrong with that, but that is so not who I am. I want to travel, and do missions. I want to do things for the Lord on the field! Anyone who knows me, knows I can’t sit still in one place for too long. I get antsy. In the past two years, I’ve been to Virginia, South Carolina, Oregon, South Korea, Vietnam, China and Texas. It’s great – I love it.
Anyway, so after crying and seeking out the Lord and having my whole world come crashing down in front of me, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. We kept it on the down low, because I wasn’t sure if I just needed to really spend all my time with the Lord and I was just having a mid-life-crisis, or if this was real. So, for the first time since I was 17, we didn’t talk once for a whole month. I was still freaking out because I always thought Oregon was the place I was going to end up, and now all of a sudden my heart was changing. It was hard. I talked to different people, and tried looking for an answer I liked. Whether they said to go to Oregon or stay here, none of them set well. I felt the Lord telling me to go talk to the worship leader at our church, and, after putting it off for weeks, I finally did. I didn’t know why I was going to him, it’s not like we talk all that much, and he only knew me through my brother who had been on the worship team for years. But God really used him. He said to me, “Neither of the places are right or wrong. It’s just a matter of where you will grow in the Lord the most.”
I left feeling a sadness in my heart. God had very clearly shown me in that conversation that if I went out to Oregon, that would be my life. Have a job, get married, have kids, grow old. The American dream. But if I stayed in Virginia, I would be pursuing missions. I could so clearly see how my life would end up in Oregon, but I couldn’t see anything from Virginia. I don’t even like Virginia. Why would I want to stay?
I knew, though, where I would grow the most. So with a monstrous leap of faith, I called my employer in Oregon and told him I would not be taking the job I had been offered. I cried a lot. But I had peace – a weight had been lifted. A few days later, I was telling my roommate-to-be in Oregon that it wasn’t going to work out and she convinced me to come visit. So I bought my plane ticket.
One year ago, I was on a flight to Oregon for a week. I decided to surprise my guy (who I technically wasn’t dating anymore), and not tell him I was coming. If I’m being honest, it was a really great week. We both felt like we were starting fresh in our relationship. I got to see old friends, my brother and sister-in-law, and my nephew. But my time was coming to an end. I got offered a position at the camp again and I was seriously considering it. My boyfriend and I had been together for a pretty long time, but there was just some things that were getting in the way of us being together. So before accepting that position, we had a talk and I basically told him that I couldn’t move out there if there wasn’t a future. I left it at that and gave him time to think about it.
When I got back home, I had an interview I had set up a few weeks before flying out to Oregon. I prayed a lot about that job and the job in Oregon. I decided that if I got this job, then that would be it. I would stay for sure. And of course, I got the job as soon as I walked in, pretty much. I felt so much peace about it all.
A few days passed since I had been back, so after there not being any mention from him about our conversation in Oregon, I finally brought it up and that was it. It felt like the end of an era. I had been crazy about him since I was 16. And now it was all gone. He told me he wasn’t ready for the commitment. I was devastated.
For months, I felt like I couldn’t breathe at night. I wasn’t prepared for the sacrifices I had to make in following the Lord. After my brother went overseas, I went straight to one of the pastors at our church and told him to send me overseas too. Instead, he then gave me the link to GFA School of Discipleship. So, with a joyful and excited attitude, I applied. Just kidding – I was so grumbly and annoyed and…ugh. But a few weeks later, I got accepted and here I am!
I have no doubt in the world that my King and Savior allowed me to go through the things I did so that I would end up here at School of Discipleship. There has been so much healing and love and grace in my life these past three months. I am finding who I am in Christ and His unfailing love for me. The love I so deeply desired and was searching for in my boyfriend was in front of me the whole time. My Jesus is so real and He pours that love on me more and more every single day.
There’s a lot more that goes into this past year, but a blog post wouldn’t be the place to share. Taking that terrifying and painful leap of faith essentially led me on a journey of self-discovery through Christ. So whatever you may be going through or struggling with, take the leap of faith. The Lord will always follow though in His promises. Chances are it’ll be painful and hard, but abundant blessings will follow.
I hope I could be an encouragement to at least one person today!
Read a GFA World Magazine article written by Anna, a GFA School of Discipleship Alumna from Canada.
Feb 14, 2019
You’re an overcomer
Stay in the fight ’til the final round
You’re not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it’s hopeless
That’s when He reminds you
That you’re an overcomer
Five years ago, a friend shared this song (Overcomer by Mandisa) with me, and God is still using it in my life this year. It had been my theme song for January. He has given me an abundance of strength and lavished His love on me to overcome so many struggles this last month. What a privilege to know I have victory in Him!
We read through and discussed K.P. Yohannan’s book, Touching Godliness, talking all about submission. Ultimately to God of course. But then to the authority He has delegated above us. “Bitterness leads to rebellion. And that rebellion to man leads to rebellion to God.” God taught me so much through that book! At times, I felt like it was too much. But He always showed Himself faithful. He caused me to humble myself under Him, and those in authority over me here. I have overcome so much through Him! And He has given me strength, hope, and faith to keep fighting, reminding me that He is holding me in His arms this whole time. He has saved me and bought me with his precious blood, and I have victory in Him! He gets all the glory for all I overcame last month.
Yes, I still have a long way to go, as it is a lifelong changing process, but I am praising Jesus for how far He has brought me. He is so victorious! He loves me, and has bought me with His blood. What keeps me going and gives me strength, by God’s grace, is pressing forward. Not to look back in regrets, but keep moving forward, remembering all God has brought me through. So don’t give up! Keep fighting. Make little moments matter. Look to the little things.
Oh victory in Jesus, my Savior forever
He sought me and He bought me
with His redeeming blood
He loved me ‘ere I knew Him
and all my love is due Him
He plunged me to victory
beneath the cleansing flood
(Victory in Jesus by E.M. Bartlett)
Want to hear more from GFA School of Discipleship students? Watch Miriam’s School of Discipleship Story.
Feb 14, 2019
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor is for a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. – Psalm 30:5
“From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me O God
From the need to be understood
And from a need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God
And I shall not want, no, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness, I shall not want
From the fear of serving others
Oh, and from the fear of death or trial
And from the fear of humility
Deliver me O God
Yes, deliver me O God
And I shall not want, no, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want”
– I Shall Not Want by Audrey Assad
Discipleship is hard. There’s just some days that are really hard and seem impossible to get through. Those days it feels like everyone and everything drives me crazy.
There’s always a part of me since coming to School of Discipleship that wants to call it quits and go back home on those hard days. Things are easier at home. I can get more rest, I have more friends, I feel more comfortable and even feel I could perhaps impact lives in a deeper more personal way back home. But, that’s not the Holy Spirit talking, that’s me talking. The Lord has called me here for this season whether it feels like it or not.
The song at the beginning has been my prayer lately. There’s been a lot of hard times and hard days. I can relate to everything in this song. I want to be understood. I want to be accepted. I don’t want to be lonely. I’ve felt them all. Yet, I do believe that when I taste the Lord’s goodness I shall not want.
Psalm 119:71 says, “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.” I have related with this verse a lot lately. School of Discipleship is hard, but (for the most part) nothing worth pursuing is easy. So if all these trials and hard times mean knowing Jesus more intimately, then it is worth all the tough times.
“When I taste Your goodness, I shall not want.”
Have you ever felt the need to get away and spend time in solitude with the Lord? Read about what our students experience in School of Discipleship’s regular times of Sunday Solitude.
Feb 7, 2019
When the ad for School of Discipleship says, “die to yourself for a year,” they sincerely mean that. Upon arriving here, the concept was presented to my intellect and I perceived that I understood the practice…goodness, was I wrong! Knowing a concept or ideology and establishing the principle in your day to day life, are two drastically distant stand points.
I considered myself an individual accustomed to sacrifice before I checked in at Gospel for Asia. I’ve always loved people and desired to help in any way I could, and if one is to genuinely help another, it requires sacrifice, most typically. However, I’ve been learning that sacrifice is not only reserved for our fellow man, but most ultimately to God.
Romans 12:1 says (NIV): “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” This ministry wholeheartedly embraces that verse! GFA is an organization dedicated to sacrificing and giving all to Christ. Upon arriving here, I was on fire for the Lord, and thought I was ready to embrace this lifestyle as well. As my first month proceeded, I slowly started losing my passion more and more. I became burned out and grew bitter toward sacrifice; not so much sacrifice unto others, but primarily sacrifice unto God.
The Holy Spirit began convicting me to relinquish loved things that I held dear. Things that are not good for my spirit, and that are harmful in my growth with Christ. Upon being convicted of this, I became angry with the Lord and refused to surrender them over to Him. My course of action was an undoubtedly horrid mistake; when I refused sacrifice, I became bitter toward my Creator.
The reader must note that my goal in confessing all of this, is not to drive you away from School of Discipleship or Gospel for Asia, but rather to inform you that you will face tremendous amounts of personal sacrifice. You, as an individual must choose to relinquish dear things that the Holy Spirit convicts you to let go of. From personal experience, if you do not, the School of Discipleship program will increasingly become more difficult and you will feel trapped. Prepare yourselves brothers and sisters if you are considering coming here. If our Father has called you here, then follow His commands. This is a wonderful and blessed place to be and I highly recommend it! The program is excellent: marvelously prepared, and supremely taught, but it will not benefit you if you are not willing to die to yourself.
I’m currently struggling with a multitude of convictions; relinquishing them is immensely difficult, in fact I would dare say it is near impossible without the strength of our Loving God. As our Messiah told us “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 (NIV) (bold letters not in actual text). If you feel that God is calling you to this wonderful ministry, then by all means come! However, brothers and sisters, prepare yourselves to sacrifice to the Lord. Dying to self hurts…that is why it’s called dying, but know that our Loving Father is using this necessary and painful process to benefit and bless your life here and in eternity!
– GFA School of Discipleship Student
Read about another GFA School of Discipleship student who was challenged to re-learn what it means to lay her life down.
Jun 29, 2018
In a few weeks our students will graduate from School of Discipleship. They chose to die to themselves for a year to pursue the Lord more, and in many ways, they were stretched and challenged. Each student has brought joy to the community here. We are sad to say goodbye to them, but we are excited for what God has for them next.
“But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.” – Philippians 3:7–8
The students graduate on July 31 at 4 p.m. (CST). We would love to have you join us. Live-stream the ceremony here
May 25, 2018
I sat in my chair, nervous as all get out. It was about to be my turn. My turn to speak in front of my whole class. I tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach as I exhaled. It didn’t work. Had I practiced enough? Would what I wrote down actually make sense to those listening to it?
We all clapped for my fellow classmate as they finished. I thought to myself, “If only I had the gifting to speak as well as they did.” I was next. I tried to put a smile on my face to hide the fact I was dying inside. I made my way to the front of the class. I almost dropped my phone as I tried to set it on the stand in front of me. My notes laid out before my eyes…. this was really happening. I wasn’t dreaming.
Before coming to School of Discipleship I had never spoken to groups of people before. I’m an introvert and public speaking was never something appealing to me. I liked to remain “the quiet one” and not have everyone’s attention on me.
Throughout my two years in SD I had many opportunities to sharpen my speaking ability, in front of both my class and the GFA staff. Most units concluded with a speech and we were given ample opportunities to share prayer request during prayer meetings. I learned to know the subject I was speaking about well enough to share it boldly with others. I learned to rehearse my speech out loud to make sure I stayed within the time frame allotted. The teaching team gave feedback on the areas I did well in and the areas I could improve in and I did better with every speech I gave.
Looking back, I am no longer that scared 19-year-old waiting to give my speech in the classroom. Do I still get nervous? YES! But, I don’t let it get to me, I am able to move past it. SD helped me to grow in public speaking and though I still have a long way to go, now I am excited to keep learning more.
Can you die to yourself for a year for more of Christ? The final application deadline is June 15th for our August 2018 term.
Apr 23, 2018
Have you ever wondered what we do at School of Discipleship? We wanted to give you a snapshot of what a typical day looks like for us.
Monday:
6 a.m. – The morning begins with house devotions. (Yawn…dying to self daily also includes getting up early.) Each house gathers together to read a Psalm, share personal prayer requests and then spend some time praying for each other’s requests and for the day ahead.
Next, we prepare for the day with breakfast (the most important meal of the day), individual devotions (getting our hearts in-tune with the Lord) and getting ready (we like to be clean and dressed for work).
8 a.m. – Morning prayer starts. We join the staff for a time of worship and prayer at the chapel.
8:50 a.m. – Get coffee or tea before heading to class.
9 a.m. – Class starts. We go through different books and curriculum throughout the year. Normally there’s a lecture period and then time for discussion. The most recent book we completed was Touching Godliness by KP Yohannan
10:15 a.m. – Get more coffee or tea before heading to our Vocational Training Assignment (VTA).
10:30 a.m. – VTA starts. We are placed in different departments throughout the year and serve alongside Gospel for Asia’s home team staff. We learn “on-the-job” from our trainer and become efficient in our assigned tasks.
11:45 a.m. – Circle prayer time!! Each department in the office gathers together to read a passage of Scripture and pray for the needs of the ministry.
12 p.m. – Lunch. We have an hour break for lunch to eat yummy food and either spend some time alone (for us introverts) or talk/hang out with friends (for the extroverts among us). When it’s warm enough outside, many take walks during their lunch hour.
3:45 p.m. – We have Circle Prayer Time again, committing our service to the Lord knowing we cannot do it without His help. (We pray a lot here. 😊)
4:30 p.m. – VTA ends. (Congratulations on a job well done!)
4:45 p.m. – Flex hour – we sometimes have an additional class or meeting during this time; if not, we head home for the day.
6 p.m. – Dinner prep starts. We have meal plans for house dinner days, which are at least once a week. (Yay food!) We have recipes to follow that help us learn to prepare different dishes.
7 p.m. – House Dinner. We eat dinner together as a house at least once a week, sometimes joined by staff members we invite over. It is always a great time of fellowship.
Dinner normally ends by 8 p.m. and we have the rest of the evening for homework, reading and hanging out.
Other nights of the week we will have prayer meetings, worship times, game nights or a variety of SD events.
We hope this gives you a better picture of what a day in our program looks like. Check out our Instagram feed at ‘gfaschool’ to see more.
Feb 28, 2018
The School of Discipleship (SD) students are currently going through their next course on The Pursuit of God. Throughout my first year in SD in 2015, I went through many different courses that brought me closer to Jesus. My favorite, by far, was the course on this book by A. W. Tozer. It wasn’t long, but each chapter was full of things that challenged me to go deeper in my walk with Jesus. I remember reading the one or two chapters before each class repeatedly and gleaning new insights each time I read them. I loved how the teachers unpacked what Tozer wrote even more through the classes in the morning.
“Before a man can seek God, God must first have sought him.” —Tozer
I came to SD to not just be discipled; I came to know Jesus more. I wasn’t satisfied with where I was at. I wanted more. I didn’t know how to follow Jesus on my own. I only saw what those around me did, and I tried to do that. I didn’t take much responsibility in my walk with the Lord. I realized how much it was up to me to follow Jesus. I had to work for it; it wouldn’t just happen on its own. It was a personal relationship I had to engage in. God was already pursuing me, I needed to respond in pursuing Him back.
“Full knowledge of one personality by another cannot be achieved in one encounter.” —Tozer
This program gives students many opportunities to meet the Lord in both purposeful and everyday situations. One thing I remember being repeated to me by some of the leaders was “You are as close to God as you want to be.” You can have everything you need to grow, but it still is something you must do. I wanted to be close to God, but I lacked that motivation to work for the relationship. Praise the Lord that He never gave up on me during that year. He kept after me, and I found myself waking up at 5 a.m. so I could have uninterrupted time with Him. I wasn’t satisfied with where I was. Tozer’s words rang true in my life: “I thirst to be made more thirsty still.” The more time I spent with the Lord, the more I wanted.
He met the sheltered 19-year-old girl who wanted to know Him. I read this passage often: “Call to Me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” – Jeremiah 33:3 I was shocked that the God of the whole earth would want to talk to me and wanted me to talk to Him about everything. Nothing was “off-limits” with Him. He cared for me and my life. I began to understand more of who He was as the year went on.
The Lord used my two years in School of Discipleship to lay a lot of ground work in my heart. I learned what it means to genuinely pursue Christ, and I am continuing that journey today. It is a choice I must make daily to go after Him.
Jan 22, 2018
Reflection and celebration of God’s goodness is important within Gospel for Asia and School of Discipleship. A couple times throughout their year, the students come together for “Celebration Potluck.” This is a special time for them to gather with some of the staff and share one or more ways the Lord has been faithful to them the last few months. Here’s a glimpse into the one we just had.
There’s lots of food. (I mean, there should be; it’s called “Celebration Potluck” for a reason.) Everyone brings something to share, and then we feast.
Conversations will be had throughout the night, continuing to foster community life here. There is a lot of joy and laughter.
There will then be a time of praise. The songs are picked to remind us of how good God is.
The floor is then opened for students and staff to stand up and proclaim the goodness of the Lord. It is always encouraging to see what God has done in the lives of those around you. It fuels our faith when we hear how faithful God is to show up.
The night closes with prayers of thanksgiving and hearts full of God’s goodness.
“I will sing of the mercies of the LORD forever; with my mouth will I make known Your faithfulness to all generations.” – Psalm 89:1
Jan 2, 2018
2018 is here! People are making goals and changes for the year that may or may not last beyond the month of January. (I mean who can really give up sugar and chips for life?) It is the start of a new year, a fresh start and a new beginning. What are some of your goals? How do you want to be different than you were last year? How do you want your life to be marked as a disciple of Christ this year?
Gospel for Asia has started a blog called “What Motivates Us”, and through every post it shows the heart of the ministry, what drives us to do what we do and what we are about. I’ve been thinking about that a lot, “What is supposed to motivate us as Christians?” I quickly found the answer to that question in the Bible. 2 Corinthians 5:14 says, “For the love of Christ compels us.” Some translations read that His love “controls us.” Is my life controlled by His love? Or am I living for myself? I know I am more apt to live for me than for others around me. Every decision we make often goes through the filter of “how will this affect me?”
GFA’s SD students are going into their next class on Roy Hession’s book Calvary Road, which will teach them how important it is to let the Lord have every part of their life. It helps us understand that we must give up our pride and be broken before the Lord realizing we are nothing without Him. Hession says, “The Lord Jesus cannot live in us fully and reveal Himself through us until the proud self within us is broken.” Brother K.P. Yohannan, the founder of Gospel for Asia, often refers to this book during our prayer meetings and reads it yearly.
Our pride keeps us from caring about the needs of those around us. We want to be loved and accepted by other as we are, but we have a difficult time stepping into another’s mess. Our hearts and attitudes must change, we must begin with our love for God and His love for us. We can only love others well by the Holy Spirit’s power at work in us. As He reveals His love for us and teaches us how to love, we then can love others as they are. It never starts with “self-love.” It starts with Christ’s love. The Lord shows us how we are to love others by showing us how He is loving us in our mess and brokenness. He never gives up on us. He stays. He loves us. He works on us and He makes us look more like Himself. He walks with us as we journey through learning to love.
The students are learning to live out this kind of radical love and are choosing to let their lives be marked by their love for Christ and for others.
“A new commandment I give you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” – John 13:34–35 (NKJV)
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