I am still struggling with this “transparent” idea about living honestly in front of people. We had all-night-prayer last friday and I found myself zoning around 1 am. One of my friends was praying and I was totally blanking on whatever they were saying and just gazing into the nothingness outside. A few seconds of this and I notice someone glance over at me and instantly I squeeze shut my eyes and put on a very “spiritual” look that resembles the most passionate of prayer-warriors and begin to mumble “mhms” and “yes Lord” in agreement with my friends prayer.
Bit pathetic? You bet, and its not like this was a one time thing either. I am always finding myself doing this. During morning prayer I am forever having to check my motivation because the prayers I am letting come out are more directed at the person listening to me then they are to God, the one who is actually doing something about these prayers.
Ah, but its a process, and there is grace 🙂 we are all learning. sometimes I just which I could catch on a little faster…