Nov 5, 2014
As my year at School of Discipleship draws to a close, there is the ever-present question of “what’s next?” or “what is God’s will for my life?” According to God’s word, I do know that “God’s will” is just that–“God’s will.” This means not my will–which ultimately means a total abandonment of self and all self-interests and the total consecration to the Lordship of Christ in my life!
As I have pondered the various ways in which I could legitimately lay down my life for Jesus and the gospel sake, the Lord told me to read Matt. 28:18-20. “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth… Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations…” I had read this passage so many times and yet this time it stopped me and got me thinking really deeply concerning Christ and His eternal glory. As I felt the Spirit urging me to commit my life to pioneer missions amongst the unreached, especially to nations and peoples that don’t have any local witness, I questioned God by asking, “Why should I go? I mean, of what use am I to foreigners who will think me weird? And besides, I am not adequate to go anyhow.” The reply was very clear… “All authority has been given onto me”
“JESUS IS WORTHY!” This is the reason why I should go no matter how high the cost. In fact, the greater the price I am to pay to follow Him, the more precious and glorious He will become! The absolute Sovereign Lordship of Christ and His supreme glory over all the nations is what makes this such a “GREAT COMMISSION!” My only response can now be… “Here am I! Send me.” (Isaiah 6:8)
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Oct 1, 2014
A Wounded Heart’s Reflections on Growing Up
As I was reading a blog recently, I was taken aback by one of the opening statements:
“Most of us had absent fathers.”
Piercing. Piercing, because I am a part of that “most.” I was raised by a very strong and capable woman, was loved and provided for and never wanted for any physical needs, so why, I wonder, do I feel a such a deep void in my life today that stretches back to my childhood?
The answer is simple, but complicated: it’s because dad wasn’t there. Dad, like many men today, was a victim of his own poor upbringing, and through substance abuse, checked out early – way too early. He checked out so early that he never got to see either one of his boys walk an aisle past preschool graduation. He wasn’t there when I had my heart broken for the very first time, when I won my first wrestling match or when I got my driver’s license. He wasn’t there to congratulate me for doing well in school, for making good choices or for getting my first job.
Worst of all, he wasn’t there to show me how to be a man. I never learned what a loving husband looks like, or how a man is supposed to lead his family. So here I am, 18 years after his death wondering,
“What in the world am I supposed to do now?”
Not that I’m married yet, I’m not, but I suspect it’s not far down the road.
Taking nothing away from my mother, who was and continues to be amazing, there are just some things moms aren’t designed to do, and being a dad is one of them. Thankfully, mom was there every time dad wasn’t. My gratitude to God is continually increasing for that.
Dad’s gone. I’ve accepted that. What I’m now trying to accept now is that although I think I’m fatherless, I’m not. I’ve had a Father all along, just one that I can’t see with my physical eyes.
One of my goals coming into my second year of the School of Discipleship was to learn what it means to be a biblical man. I’m in awe of the faithfulness of God not only to put that desire in me, but to father me by teaching me what He has about manhood, and in the process, restoring to me what I’ve missed out on all these years. He’s brought men into my life that are committed to loving and investing in me. God is a God of restoration.
On this short journey, I’ve seen many things that have depressed and elated me. I’ve seen the standard for manhood: Jesus Christ, the perfect man who was tender, yet intrepid. In His zeal for God, he stood against corruption by clearing out swindlers who were defiling God’s house, yet had compassion on all who needed Him. He touched lepers and welcomed children, but didn’t shrink back from the agonizing pain of torture, and selflessly laid His life down for a creation that scorned Him.
That’s a big God.
What are the positives that I’ve seen on this journey? I’ve seen men embrace their role to serve and represent Jesus in their weaknesses and shortcomings, trusting in God to give them the courage they need to do their God-given duties. I’ve seen God respond to that trust by making otherwise incapable men capable of doing great things and commanding great respect from people in the process.
I’ve seen men who love their wives and kids, and demonstrate patience and gentleness with them, which is nothing short of a testimony to God’s power and faithfulness.
On the other hand…
I’ve seen men afraid to embrace their faults and failures and run away from the valorous calling that God gives to all men – to lead, take dominion, and demonstrate God’s strength and love to a hurting world.
I see men in their twenties behaving the way they did in their early teens because there was no man before them to demonstrate godliness.
I’ve seen young men hurt by dads who were there, but weren’t really there. Passivity is the easy thing to do in the home, and sadly, most men that are given responsibility over families have taken that route. I’ve seen men domineered and controlled by their wife or kids because they don’t feel like they’re capable of leading well.
I’ve seen young men find their value in things that aren’t Jesus. They look to young women for affirmation, potentially causing damage to them and the women by not guarding their hearts. They look to friends, to self, but not to Jesus. Insecurity and self-focus abounds as a result, which perpetuates the behavior of looking for value outside of Jesus.
Perhaps the worst part of all of this is when men, both young and old, out of emptiness, longing, and desperation, prey on women or scour the internet to feed their sinful passions. This is the deepest distortion of masculinity known to man – taking what is sacred, and perverting it because of selfish desires. Men, who should be protectors, become the ones who take captives.
May I please humbly say that I am aware of these things because I in some measure represent or am prone to all of them?
Despite fatherlessness devastating a generation, I think God is doing something in the hearts of men today. I believe God is restoring true masculinity to the church by starting with individual men and teaching them to live and to lead their families according to His Word. I believe God is moving in the hearts of men in this generation to give them something to fight for: God’s glory. He’s letting us know that we’re not fatherless. We’re not orphans. We’re sons, because God has adopted us and is recreating us in His image. Our value and worth are in Him, simply because He values us enough to give everything to purchase us (Matthew 13:44-46).
Men, we may be weak, insecure, and afraid, but we are strong, because God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. Our shortcomings aren’t barriers which keep us from Jesus, but are bridges to Him. We were made to fight. We can’t waste our lives on things that don’t matter. We can’t spend ourselves on the metaphors of sports and video games as substitutes for what’s real: struggle, battle, adventure, hard work, and most of all, victory.
Sure, we men try too hard to be strong and pretend like we’ve got it together because most of us are insecure. Am I doing that right now as I write this blog post? Probably, but I’m slowly learning that my strength IS my weakness, because, God’s power is made perfect in my weakness, and even in my failure, He is to be glorified and praised for the mercy and love He shows us, in spite of what we’re not or fail to be.
Please, pray for me, and for all men. Please pray that God would give us grace to humble ourselves and be okay with the fact that in God’s economy, manpower accomplishes nothing. Please pray that God will allow men to see that Jesus is better than anything this world has to offer. Pray that God will allow us to see that His grace is sufficient for us, and that it’s okay to be weak, so long as we never use it as an excuse to justify sin.
By God’s grace, let us be a generation of men who can give to others what wasn’t given to us.
Lord, only You can make a man. I’m just a little boy, but I want to be a man. Would you please do this for your sake, Father, please? Help us to love you and to know that you are better. Our hearts wander and are so easily enraptured by everything except You. Show us how you love us, and show us how to be like You, and to love people like You do. Make men out of this generation of boys who don’t know how to live selflessly and sacrificially. Make us brave in the face of uncertainties and chaos. Teach us how to make order, and teach us to trust you to find the courage we need to move forward, despite not knowing what to expect. We don’t know what we’re doing, Abba. Show us what Jesus did for us, please Lord. For your name’s sake, and for your glory’s sake, Father, please, do this. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
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Sep 3, 2014
Here is a poem I wrote based off my experience in the second year of School of Discipleship. The Lord taught me how I needed to surrender everything and trust Him!
My Surrender
The time has come to look ahead,
To hit the mark, my path to tread.
The past is gone, the past is dead,
I’ll look to Christ, my daily bread.
I’m not my own, I am His slave;
He came to earth, my soul to save!
In Christ alone, this is my call,
He is my strength, my all in all!
In times of sorrow I can see,
My God and Father leading me.
And when I stumble, when I fear,
my precious Savior draws me near.
I’m not my own, and this my plea:
That I could give my all to Thee!
In Christ alone, this is my call,
He is my strength, my all in all!
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Aug 27, 2014
I find that a lot of my problems arise from me worrying. I tend to focus my sight on my circumstances, problems, and even myself a lot more than I do on Christ. These instances were never fruitful and always left me depressed or distraught. I don’t know why we (I’m speaking mostly for myself) allow these things to take our sight off of Christ. If we were to account for all of the innumerable moments God displayed His faithfulness in our lives, fear and worry would be nonexistent when difficult trials came our way.
This has been, and continues to be, a lesson the Lord so faithfully teaches me. Fix my Sight. Do I believe and trust in Him even when all seems to be lost? Do I have enough faith to believe that He is sovereign over everything? Apparently not. But I’m grateful the Lord has brought this to my attention. It allows to me to acknowledge my weaknesses and shortcomings and humbly come before Him asking for His grace and strength. His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and this encourages me to continue to fix my eyes and heart on Him evermore. He is faithful, and He answers prayers.
Fixing your sight is the first step to being grateful and steadfast. It acknowledges the one who is sovereign over all things, and it dissipates the cloud of fear that so often blinds us. When we abide in him and walk in his light, darkness has no place. When we fix our sight on all that he is, when we gaze upon the beauty of His majesty, and when set our hearts on Him, there is an overwhelming sense of joy and peace that surpasses all understanding. I thank God that He has taught me this lesson through the awesome leaders and staff here at School of Discipleship. Brian, one of the teachers here, put it in a way that resonated with me. I pray this is as encouraging and uplifting to you as it is to me.
“We can get to a point in our lives where we see a fork in the road and start to worry about which way we are supposed to go. We don’t realize that if we are walking with Jesus step by step, there is no reason to worry. He is either going to go one way or another, and we just have to follow Him faithfully.”
Fix your sight on the Lord!
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Jul 2, 2014
The School of Discipleship
“Disciple” isn’t a word we use very much in churches anymore; it’s not a word we use very much in general really. We tend to say “I believe in Jesus,” but hardly anyone says “I’m a disciple of Jesus”. In fact, I don’t know if I’ve ever heard anyone say that. I think we’ve lost the understanding of discipleship because we no longer receive our education by this method.
To think of discipleship, consider a mechanic’s apprenticeship. The apprentice works under and with the master for, usually, 2-3 years. The master mechanic shows and teaches the apprentice how to do particular tasks, and he allows him to do more and more work under his supervision. Eventually, the apprentice learns enough to become a certified mechanic.
In Bible times, a prospective disciple would ask a rabbi permission to follow him. He surrendered himself to the teaching authority of the rabbi and followed his lead. Recall the parables that Jesus told. He gave examples, but he didn’t always spell things out. A rabbi’s goal was to teach his disciples how to think and not what to think. By doing so, a disciple would learn to think and discern as his rabbi would. And that’s the thing with Christianity: we become more like Jesus and think like he does by following him. Eventually, when the time was ready, Jesus told his disciples to also make disciples (which would make them rabbis).
Now how does that differ from believing? Well, let’s look at an example of believing – believing in Santa Claus. Kids who believe in Santa Claus know a lot about him. They alter their behavior to meet what they believe are Santa’s guidelines for being good because they want the reward (presents). Children generally don’t aspire to become like Santa Claus though. Santa is their benefactor, not a friend or role model. Even though kids may communicate a list of wishes to Santa and expect him to meet them, there is no actual relating to or with Santa. (I mean, I’ve never heard of a kid writing to Santa in the middle of July.)
That’s what Jesus is like for a lot of us. We know a lot about him from Bible stories, and we try to clean up our behavior to meet some standard that we believe he finds acceptable. We tell him all the things we want him to do for us, but we do so without relating or modeling after him.
Nobody ever really told me what it means to become more like Jesus; that just might be because they didn’t know either. But now I understand why Jesus didn’t say, “go to the synagogue on the Sabbath and be a good person.” Instead he told others to “follow me.” He invites us to come under his watch and teachings, to observe him, and to be directed and corrected by him until we are like him.
That’s what the School of Discipleship is about: modeling after and becoming more like Jesus by following the teaching and example of those who have done so (and are still doing so). Not that we could ever hope to be like Jesus by our own effort, but with the grace of God and the working of the Holy Spirit in us, it is possible.
Amen!
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