Oct 4, 2011
Grace.
As God has been unveiling a tiny piece of the beauty and magnificence surrounding such an intangible concept, I sit awe-struck in the stands. It’s so incomprehensible that all of humanity can’t wrap their minuscule brains around it. It’s so beautiful. So totally unexpected in the story of mankind throughout history. It’s so beyond us, far above anything we could have ever come up with.
I mean, really, would you have come up with the concept of ‘grace?’ Treat un-respectable people with respect. Treat unloving people with love. Treat anti-God people with the gift of God. Our whole flesh nature cries out for justice, for fairness, for consequences and rewards. At least most of us can understand the concept of sin and the separation of unholy beings from a Holy God. That makes logical sense — if we are willing to admit it.
But Grace? It’s a twist in the entire plot. It’s a fourth dimension exploding our three-dimension world.
Stooping down to lift us up out of our sinful humanity, our utter depravity, our desperate rebellion. Releasing us from our sin, by taking our place so we would have the option to never pay the PENALTY. Forever.
That astounding mercy is great enough. But Grace doesn’t stop.
Letting us out of our dungeon. Forever. To be free from the PROBLEM of sin and live in HIS FREEDOM.
Wow. And Grace keeps going.
Welcoming our filthy existence daily into HIS PRESENCE.
BAM! Even if I could possibly comprehend the cross, I would never imagine in a million years that He would ever want to see us again. Saving from sin, maybe, but saving us to Himself? I mean, really? Daily put up with us?
Not only that, but ADOPTING us as HIS CHILDREN. Identifying HIS holy and precious name with our dragged-in-the-mud title.
It gets better. The privilege and honor of Him COMMISSIONING us to be HIS IMAGE-BEARERS to a lost world. Flat out GIVING His precious name to US. Wow. What responsibility and trust.
And not only that, but promising to GO WITH US, to DWELL INSIDE US and be our STRENGTH, our INNER CORE, our PROTECTION, and our GRACE TO OTHERS.
We can’t even give others grace. We have to borrow His grace to give. Get that.
In class this summer, one of the girls repeated a quote from the book we’re reading through: “Love that goes upward is worship; love that goes outward is affection; love that stoops is grace.”
I attached to this quote, but something about it rubbed me wrong. And then I realized: it correctly defined what I give others as Not Grace. Hardly affection, at best. Often more bordering worship. I love in order to be loved.
The reason is because I’m not stooping. I’m on the same level as the rest of humanity. Each one of us, made in Christ’s image. Each one of us, blind and desperate without Him. I deserve nothing, so can’t demand any rights to be respected by others. The love I give others is usually barely that. Selfish love. Not grace.
Only God truly gives Grace.
And maybe that’s why it remains so pure, marvelous, and beyond my wildest dreams.
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Aug 13, 2011
For the past year or so, I’ve been praying continuously for God to break me so that what I feel on the inside, in my Spirit, could be freely expressed (without shame) on the outside, specifically in the form of crying. Not so that I can act spiritual, not so that I can be proud about my emotions and what the Spirit is doing in my life, but so that I can freely express what God is placing on my heart, to be transparent with my brothers and sisters in Christ, to show God’s love so fully with others that they can clearly see Him in me. I don’t want God to be clouded through me, I desperately want others to see the fullness of His love, His grace, His mercy, His passion for the lost and dying in this world in and through me.
The other night while I was reading through Release of the Spirit, by Watchman Nee, my heart was broken. It was aching so tremendously for my unsaved family, friends, and those I don’t know. Just knowing that without Christ, without accepting His Truth, they are on a pathway that will lead them to Christless eternity. In that moment, I wanted to weep for them, I wanted to let them see the pain that I felt. That if they could truly see how much I loved them, that maybe, just maybe they would see and understand the Truth. That they would be saved. To experience God like I have, His unconditional love, His constant companionship, His never-wavering comfort and Truth. Oh how I want them to see and understand! But still, no tears were shed on the outside.
I told this to one of my friends via text and they mentioned that God loves them more than I ever could. Those weren’t the exact words, but the message is the same. Just thinking of how much I was aching for them to experience, know, understand, and believe the Truth, and then knowing God’s aching is infinitely greater than I can even contain in my weak human existence. Oh my goodness! If only they knew! If only they knew that the very God that created the heavens and the earth, the very God that formed them in their mother’s womb, the very God that sent His ONE AND ONLY Son to DIE for OUR sins wants them to know how much He desperately loves them and wants to be loved by them. If only I could show them… they have NO IDEA how great His love is for them.
I’m thankful that God is working in my life to break my heart for the lost world in a way I wasn’t expecting. I’m so blessed to know that He loves me, ME, the very person whose sins nailed Him to the cross nearly 2000 years ago. To know that even though I feel this way, He feels it greater than I, but He allowed me this little glimpse into His heart. I know that God will give me the ability to cry again. I know that those I’m praying for by name will come to know the Lord. It’s only a matter of His perfect timing. And that I am willing to wait for.
Thanks for reading, If you have any thoughts or comments, please comment on the post. Thanks!! I love you all! and God loves you even more!
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Jun 15, 2011
I just spent most of my day at Martin Memorial North a hospital in South Florida.
My morning started with prayer and afterward I planned what I do with the rest of my day.
Those plans were put to a stop with one phone call. Our family friend and sister in Christ Catherine T. had collapsed and was on her way to the hospital. Her family needed our support and so off my mom , sister and I went. Cleaning the kitchen and buying paint for the walls seemed so pathetic in light of it all.
Later that morning I drove to the hospital with food and liquid, my mom was already there and my sister had stayed home.
A short time later I sat in a chair next to her husband Matthew and listened as he talked about whatever. He was in a haze of heartache as he waited knowing his wife was in critical condition. Around me sat other families waiting for their loved ones to wake up or get out of surgery.
I can’t imagine how hard it is for all of them but what I do know is that they were not alone in it all.
God was with them and so was His Bride, the Body of Christ! That morning I texted all the people I knew. Many from my beloved Gospel For Asia, others from previous churches, and still others in different states. These people are all separated by space but we are one in Christ coming together in prayer for a sister. How completely beautiful is that?!?
Then at the hospital a brother in Christ-Will-he does the power point at church and drove down to support them
A little later our Pastor-Greg came, then another sister Jen (from a different church!!) came to sit with the family.
I sat there in complete awe of our God. No other family in that waiting room had non-family members come to sit and pray with them.
As we neared the end of our time there Elaine called and asked if she could do anything. Tonight she is bring all of us Chicken dinner.
Walking out to our cars we were met with Ted and Cindy Joe a couple who had come to encourage Matt and hug him.
Finally home we were met with a note from my sister who had left for work. She had prepared the house and bedroom for Matthew and his girls (he was too shook up to go back to his house). Crazy amazing!!
That my friends is the body of Christ at work. The Bible says they will know us by our love for one another-I praise God that we could function like we were supposed to.
I pray that it doesn’t always take an emergency for us to work like that.
Please pray for Catherine and her family.
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May 6, 2011
I’ve been learning a lot about God lately. So I’d like to share with you what that happens to be. It is still a forming thought, and emotion, and understanding of God, but that doesn’t mean I can’t share it with you all. If you’ve learned this, or have something to add as well, please comment. 🙂
I have had a lot of messed up ideas and thoughts about what love is, how it applies to me, how it should flow through me to others, and God’s unfailing, unconditional love. God has as He promised used everything for good – Romans 8:28.
There are still scars in my heart that are in the mending process. Therefore, knowing that my view of love was messed up, I decided to go through the Bible from the viewpoint of God’s love and how He expresses it, all the while praying for God’s love to fill me and overflow on others around me.
God has been so faithful! Each time I read His Word, I see time and time again, either His patience with the Israelites (who I tend to replace with myself as I tend to do a lot of the same things they do), or the way Jesus interacted with others through His time here on earth, and also through David’s love of God and vice versa in the Psalms. He’s rebuilding the passion and love and such that I’ve longed for, for Him. And through the love He’s building in me for Him, I am learning how to love others with that same love that dwells inside me. It seems so natural to do!
After I realized that, I started praying for Him to rebuild my view of what a father is like. Because I never had the correct perspective. But God is my Father, and He treats me as such. and so He’s been showing me, through His love, and through filling me with Him, and through blessing me in relating to me on my level (through nature, what I see, observe, and hear, etc.) that I now know what a Father is supposed to look like.
He’s slowly making me more childlike in faith, believing for the impossible, knowing and fully believing that He can do it all. He’s my super hero (cliche, I know, but like a child looks up to their Daddy as being able to do ANYTHING, that’s how I’m seeing God; and unlike an earthly father, God can actually do it!). It’s sooooooo simple, but I made it more complex than it needs to be!
anyway…. still a work in progress but wanted to share it with y’all. Please comment on this! I wanna see how God is working in your lives in this way as well! See what you have discovered about our Daddy, what you’ve learned of His love, and how He flows from you to others around you.
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Apr 11, 2011
Francis Chan, author of Crazy Love, recently came to share at our Gospel For Asia office in Dallas. I have been so blessed in the last year by his books and messages!
He drew a thought from the story of the prodigal son with which I could really identify. When the son was hungry and tired of where his foolishness had gotten him, he decided to go back to his father as a servant. Even the pigs he was taking care of had it better than him! He knew that he had blown it as a son, there was no question about that. But just maybe his father would allow him to work for some food. What a surprise he had when his father interrupted his apology to welcome him back as a beloved son!
Just so with our Father. “Wherefore you are no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.” (Galatians 4:7) Like the prodigal son, we sometimes think “I messed up this son/daughter thing, maybe if I’m offer myself as a slave, He’ll take me back.” We try to prove something to God, trying to be holy for a couple of weeks before being intimate with Him. But I’m not a slave. I’m His girl! I don’t need to beg! He’s just waiting to lavish his love on me! What a Father!
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