Sep 10, 2012
I have been learning about the love of God and how it comes down to our relationship with people; our love is the only thing that matters. Self which leads to hate is opposite of love: Being irritated at the way a person does things is hate. Jesus took on the lowest reputation to be an example to me, in how He views the glory of His father. This is what he expects of me, and I want to be able to develop more of His character.
God revealed something to me as I was reading Easter Sunday morning! That I need revival! Revival comes from fully realizing our intentions – through brokenness and giving it to Jesus to cleanse it in His blood. Even though someone’s reactions are wrong towards me, with my actions towards him or her in my heart I am just as at fault. I can say I forgive you, when they ask me to; as they see themselves at fault because their sin was shown outwardly. But I have a greater understanding that I need to ask forgiveness for how I reacted within, so I can continually be filled with the Holy Spirit, and for my cup to be overflowing consistently! My relationship with my father was very separated, due to my feelings inwardly towards his outward reactions. But my way is no better, it comes down to pride, thinking I have the right to be a certain way toward Him, but the reality is, I don’t.
Some people are more stubborn than others, or are being tested in different ways – we all learn at different levels and the Father knows this. This happens to be where I am at and how the Lord is teaching me. Some commit murder by killing whereas others commit murder by hating. No matter how much worse I think God is reacting I can’t judge or question Him, and allow myself to think I have the right for unloving actions towards Him. If I am not showing loving actions toward Him, I certainly am not showing it to others. It is not about God changing, but about ME changing! It is up to God to change the other person, and I need to accept that I can’t be the one to change others, only He can. Through this, love is revealed.
Growing up I used to be very secluded and found it a struggle to be around people. I thought I could still have a good relationship with Christ, and not have to hang around others because I found it such a challenge. I am realizing that the relationship I have with others, the way I treat them, is directed to God first and foremost. I don’t want to seclude myself from everything and everyone. Nor do I want to do things when it is convenient for me because when I do this, I am calling God a liar, as it says in His word, I paraphrase, “what we do for others we do unto God Himself.” (see Matthew 25:40). Seeing others in this new way has encouraged me to be around them more, and choose opportunities that I would not have otherwise chosen before. I am also learning to listen to them and really focus and relate to what they are saying, not just being in my own little world.
Colossians 3:15 says, “Let the peace of God rule in your heart.” Whenever I feel disturbed, anxious, irritated, judged, self-conscious, etc, I don’t have peace and need to ask God where I need to be broken.
Another thing I have learned is that no one causes me to not have peace, everything is between me and God! Even though I feel awkward and it’s hard at times, it doesn’t mean for me to stay away, it means I need to ask God to cleanse that thought or whatever it is in His blood, and see myself the way He does! This has helped me in the way I deal with others and react to them! As I ask God what He wants to change in me and remain open to whatever He says, He helps me in how I react toward others.
I have realized non believers are no different than Christians. The only huge difference is Jesus Christ, but otherwise we are all at fault most of the time in our everyday life. Some of us just keep it inwardly more than others, but we are still just as wrong. It’s amazing how often we are blind/unaware and don’t realize it, until someone comes to us and gives us insight. These few months at Gospel for Asia I have been learning so much and I didn’t know how much more my eyes needed to be opened. Non-believers need us to encourage and teach them so they can be opened to the truth. As we present God’s wisdom we need to be humble, and not think we are better than they are, we just choose to have Christ intervene. Every Christian continually has more to learn in some way.
I am realizing that every negative thought or feeling I am acting upon prevents true fellowship with Christ as a Christian if I don’t continually give Him the sin in my life. Yes He has bridged the gap, but sin still gets in the way. We can have so much more of His fullness if we continually give it to Him! Non-believers deep down do want a loving God, who doesn’t? They don’t realize what they are missing, if we don’t walk by their side as Christ has done with us, as well as Christ through us, they won’t gain a better understanding of His truth. We need to let them know He will take them the way they are, no matter what they have done or are doing! Even if it seems like common sense to us, words are so powerful, and they need to hear the truth of love. God spoke this world into being, how much more are our words of God’s truth to them? We are to be Christ’s ambassadors!
Thank you Lord Jesus for your example and love to me!
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Aug 28, 2012
Wow, it has already been 6 months as a student here at Gospel for Asia School of Discipleship! The Lord is teaching me so many things and He is also encouraging me! I think the biggest thing the Lord is encouraging me to do is to keep following, pursuing and seeking Him no matter how I feel. I think this is the absolute hardest thing for me to do because when I am emotional and don’t know why (and even when I do know why) I just want to hide and get away from everyone. Now if I chose to rely and act on what my emotions said, I would probably be back home. Making the decision to rely in faith on the Lord’s promises, is so hard for me, but once I do it I feel better because when I read His Word I truly trust what He says. There have been times however, when I read God’s Word and didn’t feel any different afterwards — this is where faith comes in.
Hebrews 11:1 says “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see” (NLT). This verse explains it perfectly. When my emotions decide to take over; immediately faith needs to step in. I have to have confidence that what I hope to happen (which would be that the feelings go away and ultimately that His perfect, good, pleasing will would be done so He may be glorified) and by hoping this will actually happen I can be so assured that it will happen. I know the Lord and He promises to answer the cries of His righteous ones, to deliver, and give them such perfect peace for those who choose to trust Him and keep their thoughts fixed on Him (Isa. 26:3). He also promises us that when we seek Him with all our hearts, we will find Him (Deut. 4:29) He is not going to hide Himself from us. He doesn’t desire us to stay on an emotional roller coaster for the rest of our lives! He came to give life and to give it more abundantly! (John. 10:10).
I find this so encouraging that the Lord showed me this because it really is so important to this Christian life. I mean think of one who is in the position of leadership. Don’t you think there are days when they just feel like giving up and not leading anymore? I mean those in leadership have so many different tasks to do, decisions to make and there not always easy decisions, and they most importantly have to shepherd their flock like Jesus calls them too. If they decided to just give up and stop leading because that’s what their feelings were telling them, I don’t think we would have any leaders in the world, and I know Gospel for Asia would not still be in existence.
The Lord has shown me I have to train my emotions. Whenever I feel them coming up and taking over I have to immediately go to the Lord and ask for faith. And all I need is faith as small as a mustard seed to move mountains. (Matthew 17:20) God has used so many people in my life, especially here at Gospel for Asia to remind me that my emotions and heart are very deceitful above all else (Jer. 17:9) and I need to put my faith in the Lord’s promises. The president of Gospel for Asia, K.P. Yohannan reminds us all of this very often. We need to be reminded because emotions are nothing we can hope in and make decisions based upon.
I think back in my life before School of Discipleship when I used to make so many decisions based on my emotions and every single time, it turned into a huge mess. I remember receiving a text, e-mail, or phone call from someone who made me so angry and instead of taking it to the Lord I decided to react and I ended up really hurting that person and caused them to view God not as a loving God but as an angry God because I called myself a Christian. I praise God that He has been so gracious to me and grown me very much in this area of my life! I also praise God for even bringing me here to School of Discipleship so that these areas in my life can be revealed.
I desire to live by faith and I am encouraged to do so by all the wonderful people here at Gospel for Asia. Each day they encourage me even when I fail to not give up and to keep running the race for Christ. Praise God 🙂
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Jul 21, 2012
“If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” -1 John 4:20.
How many times I have heard this, I cannot even begin to count. At School of Discipleship I think one of the key things taught here is love. Before coming here, I would read verses like these and say to myself “this doesn’t apply to me because I do love.” How do I know I love? Well, because I certainly don’t hate. I serve my family (only when they ask), I am patient with my little sister (only when she does what I say), I’m an encouragement when others around me are feeling down (only if I feel good or ‘up to it’). You get the point and the list goes on. Shortly after I got here to School of Discipleship, we read one one of Gospel for Asia’s required reading called The Calvary Road and the author Roy Hession specifically states that anything that is not love is hate…..when I read that my whole world turned upside down. I realized I have not been loving anyone AT ALL. I realized this, but I still justified myself and kind of brushed it off my shoulders.
Recently, God has humbled me and shown me yet again how I have not been loving those around me, therefore, I have not been loving Christ. The fact that I have not been loving the God who saved me from a life of death has broken me and hurt my heart so much. Recently, I have had quite a few instances where people have come up to me and told me how I hurt them by my words, tone, and actions. In the end all I wanted to do was go hide and say “I am not coming out of my closet until my year here is done — I refuse to talk or give advice because all I do is hurt people.” Only by His grace has He changed my heart because of my willingness to want to love others.
After all these experiences, I had to ask myself, “what is love anyway?” According to the Word of God love is patient, kind, does not envy, is not boastful, conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, not provoked, does not keep any record of wrong (that was hard for me to read), finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. (1 Cor. 13:4-7).
When the Lord showed me this verse (which is the complete definition of who He is and what true love is), I was so broken because too be honest I didn’t see any of this in myself. I am not patient or kind, I love to keep records of wrongs…and so many other things. I realized that I have not been loving any of my brothers or sisters, this way. As the Lord was showing me all this, my flesh wanted to run and hide, but my Spirit was saying “repent to all those whom you have not loved, and let Me get you through by My grace.” As I heard this from the Lord, this is exactly what I did. I asked a lot of people for their forgiveness and still have more people to ask. I will tell you though, that by me obeying and submitting to the Lord, I have so much freedom!!!
I am so challenged here, not just during the time I am at Gospel for Asia’s office, but more so in my daily living, especially in my apartment with the three others girls I have to live with. I don’t believe I ever knew what true love was until I came here to School of Discipleship, and to be honest, I still don’t know what it is. What I do know is that God is love and only by Him can I love others with the perfect love we all should be loving one another with.
I am so happy that the living God loved me enough to show me this area in my life that has lacked so greatly because it is a HUGE deal! I was lying saying I loved God when I couldn’t even love those around me. I am still learning this and striving to live it out each day, but only with Jesus Christ ruling my life. The second I decide to do it in my own strength, I fail. I have to consistently choose to remain in Him. Love is not something that the Lord has just given me I have to choose each second to love because love is a choice, and as I choose this it becomes more and more natural.
I pray that as I continue this journey here at Gospel for Asia‘s School of Discipleship , I will choose to love everyone with a pure heart because I desire to love, honor, and please my Lord.
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Jun 11, 2012
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6
I was at Gospel For Asia for a week of interviews. I was confident I was ready to be on staff. Thursday morning I was praying, and God said “Wait.” “Wait? For what? I’ve been waiting for over six months already.”
I went into my last interview with David and he asked me how I felt. I answered “I feel like God is telling me to wait a little longer to get some more life skills.” This answer was not easy. In fact, the whole day I cried about it. I felt like God had abandoned me though, in reality He was a lot closer than I felt at the time.
When I got home, my parents were getting all over me for my decision, just as upset as I felt.
The next couple of weeks were tough. Satan kept on taunting me for the decision, even though my parents came to realize I had made the right decision. I honestly did not feel that way at the time.
During this time God had to keep on reminding that He is in control not me. There were a couple of verses that kept on popping up at the time. The first one was Philippians 3:12-13, where Paul writes about pressing on and keeping our eyes on Jesus despite our difficulties. The other one was Philippians 4, where Paul writes about bringing our prayers to God.
Almost immediately I started looking for jobs. I applied for one job, and I got a rejection letter.
The second job I applied for at a nursing home to do food service. I got an interview for this job.
I was in church this past Sunday, and the pastor did a sermon on Ezekiel 37:1-14 about the valley of dry bones. He talked about how when things seem hopeless God comes and renews us by His spirit. The past two weeks I had felt like a bunch of dry bones walking around. I didn’t know what God wanted me to do next and nothing seemed to be happening.
On Wednesday of this past week, I got a call from the employer from the nursing home I applied for. She wanted to know if I had a third reference, since she couldn’t get a hold of my references. I gave her a name and she said she would call me back after getting a hold of the reference. That same afternoon, I got a phone call asking me to do a drug test the next morning, which I agreed to do.
A few hours after the drug test, I got a phone call. I didn’t get it till around 4:20 when my mom came home because I was in the pool.
I called back once I got it, and found out I was hired for the job at the nursing home.
It is amazing how God has been working this past month. God has taught me so much about contentment and what it means to seek Him.
God knows all our needs and will provide for them in his timing. We just have to continue to seek His kingdom before anything else.
I am thankful to God, because he has given me a job I never expected to have and I’ll get to share His love with the nursing home residents.
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Apr 23, 2012
Recently I heard a message from Auntie Gisela. She is K.P. Yohannan’s wife, and every third thursday of the month we have a Gospel For Asia ladies meeting where she will share a message with us. This month’s title was “The Gospel is Good News.” It’s good news for all who receive it. Even though times will get tough, God can handle it and will dust us off again. Nothing is too impossible for God.
God knows. So why worry? I’ve had struggles with depression off and on, and until just recently I’ve had a hard time combating it and refocusing on the Lord. It finally clicked during ladies meeting, that whatever I entertain in my thoughts, or in my heart will bear fruit. So if I dwell on those thoughts and feelings of depression, it will bear fruit and make me useless in reaching the lost in Asia. So in order to protect my call, I need to not think on those things. Just like in Philippians 4, where Paul says “whatever things are true, whatever things [are] noble, whatever things [are] just, whatever things [are] pure, whatever things [are] lovely, whatever things [are] of good report, if [there is] any virtue and if [there is] anything praiseworthy–meditate on these things.” (NKJV)
So if I immediately combat all those negative thoughts that I am worth nothing, that God doesn’t care about my desires, that there’s no point in me doing what I do because it’s all worthless, with the TRUTH that the Lord clearly lays out in His word for me, for this exact purpose, then I don’t have to worry.
Yes, it is hard to do. It’s so easy to entertain those thoughts. But I will NOT allow the enemy to get a foothold on my any longer. God loves me, He sent His Son to DIE for me, He rose again conquering death so that I may have a chance to live forever in His presence, and He is continuing to renew and transform me into His image. Who can be depressed when they can understand and grasp the depth of God’s unfailing love for them?
There is joy in the Lord. A Joy that will never fail. A Joy fed from His Spirit living in me. Even in times of trial and darkness, His joy is there to shine through me. And I’m happy about that. I am content in the Lord.
Anyway… that was my quick update of where my thoughts are at the moment. Hope it was a blessing to you! Remember that God knows what’s best for you. He knew it before you were born, and He knows how best to fulfill His plan in your life. So trust Him, and don’t worry. 🙂
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