Jun 17, 2013
This post will take a bit of a deeper, more personal look into what the Lord has been teaching me and showing me as of late. If I can find the words to express it. As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask them.
Abba Father, the Comforter, the Creator of everything, my God, and my Savior. The past few months have been quite an interesting adventure, with the notorious highs and lows that are usually involved. However, something I never expected happened. As is often the case, the Lord has different plans than me, and if I’m patient enough to wait on Him and be content on where He takes me, then I will see that all the trials I go through were well worth it. Just like Romans 8:28 promises.
For those of you who know my past, you know it has been rather rough, yet through it all God has proved His overwhelming love for me time and time again. Without Him, I truly would be destroyed by the enemy, but in Christ, there is victory! That being said, I have had my share of struggles, and even though I know they are all lies of the enemy, for years I have entertained those lies until they became “truths” I believed in my heart. These lies have plagued my heart and my mind for many years, and even though I knew they were lies and not the Truth of God’s promises, it was really hard to let it all go and trust the Lord.
That being said, here is just one story of how God has been ridding my heart and mind of these lies: (note: I am not trying to brag through this story, I am only trying to share with you what God revealed to me.)
I have always had issues with my self image, thinking I am ugly, no one would ever think I’m pretty, and if they say so, then they only said that because they are trying to be nice. I would read Psalm 139:14 “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.” That whole chapter would bring me comfort for a short time, but I never truly believed it and tucked it in my heart as Truth.
Now, God has been working on my heart ever so gently, and I have been gaining self confidence and am beginning to view myself the way He created me. He has given me friends who compliment me a lot (it’s really hard to accept compliments when you don’t believe they are true…). Then one day, after I got a little frustrated with a few of my friends for complimenting me so much, I was a little convicted and God told me to write apology letters to them, and to thank them for their encouragement. This was before a Tuesday night prayer meeting, and when I got home from that I was really tired (like most nights), so I got ready for bed.
As I was getting ready for bed I heard clearly “You’re beautiful”. God told me I was beautiful?! I guess I can’t argue with Him, so I said thanks and then went to bed. The next morning, however, He said it again. “You’re beautiful.” This time I believed it in my heart. God made me, if He says I’m beautiful, then I must be in His eyes, and His opinion is all that matters. That day I dressed up just for him.
This story is only one of the many that has been happening lately in my life. God has been restoring my heart, and my mind so much in the past few months that honestly, I’m not even close to the same person as I was before. I’m closer to the Lord in our ever growing and deepening relationship, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Anyways, thanks for reading this semi-different, more deep and personal newsletter. I’d love to hear your stories of God’s restoration in your lives! Just post them below in a comment, or send them to me in a message or email.
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Jun 17, 2013
Easter Sunday my Sunday School teacher and friend asked me “How was your week?”
The answer to this question had lingered on my mind in the previous days. An overview of my week would be I had been sick, ending my week with a terrible headache. It’s one of those headaches where the turn of the head can result in a drumming session between the skull. Combine that with, well a very rude and demeaning customer and a perpetual mess at work. Then top it off with the usually responsibility of school and a car that is useless due to a dead transmission and you have my week.
So how did I answer my friend?
“Circumstantially it was one of the worst weeks I have had in a long time, but I was great because God is good”
It wasn’t one of those responses in which you are trying to convince yourself that it WILL all be okay. Reality is I have no clue what is going to happen. I am the cliché poor college student with no material resources at my disposal. BUT with all that staring me in the face I have total peace.
This my friend did not happen as a result of me. The end of February beginning of March was actually a really stressful time. I was worried about soooooooo many things and how I was going to pay for them all and get them all done. One day God asked me “Why don’t you trust me?”
Ummmmmmmmmmmmm (que crickets).That is a very good question. I had absolutely no reason not to. He has proven Himself faithful time and time again. DUH you are being a big fat FOOL. I realized not trusting God was so very wrong and I asked for forgiveness and strength. I couldn’t do all I needed to do alone.
As the weeks passed by, God was showing me just how trustworthy He was and one day my professor at TMC said something that made it all clear to me.
In the Bible there are two kinds of peace. Both involve you and me and both involve God.
Romans 5:1 talks about the first peace; Peace with God. This we obtain through faith in Christ and it means that we no longer have to fear the wrath of God because of our sin. Christ took it we are redeemed.
Philippians 4:7 talks about the second; peace of God. This peace comes from God and it is a Christian calm that springs from the confidence that our resources in Christ are adequate.
I already had the peace with God, but I was struggling to live my life in light of the fact that I could live with the peace of God.
It hit me like a refreshing freeing wave of God’s love, provision, gentleness and power! My resources amount to zip, but because I am in Christ my resources are from Him, and they are adequate.
So I have no car, no money and I will return to work and deal with angry people, BUT The peace of God reigns in my heart. And these circumstances are an honor and blessing because though they are hard, they bring me closer to God, give me a chance to glorify His name, and in turn strengthen my character.
The world may look at it the result of a crummy life on earth but that is exactly what it is not and that my friends gives me every reason to rejoice!
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Jun 17, 2013
One of the most significant things I have been learning is about pursuing God. In class we recently studied through The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. He wrote the book in the 1940’s, but it’s still as relevant to our daily lives as if it had been written yesterday.
One theme that ties the whole book together is this: God is pursuing us first. He is seeking to reveal Himself to us! All that I do is simply to respond to that – yet we call it the pursuit of God! It is incredible how much God really loves me. It blows my mind every time I think about it. God wants me to seek Him, and He wants to reveal Himself to me!
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:13
Okay, this is cool: I am getting to learn a lot about communication and design this year in my ministry placement, and it’s awesome. So in learning about design, I made this picture with these lyrics from Movements by Rend Collective. But seeking after God – that’s what it’s about.
To get down to what I’m trying to say,
“The desire of my heart is to pursue God.”
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Jun 17, 2013
My entire life I’ve been searching for love and have done some pretty extreme things on this journey to find it, such as: immorality, people pleasing, and using almost every drug under the sun.
My parents dedicated me to God when I was born but my home life didn’t come close to comparing to the Christian standard. My mother was over anxious, suffered from O.C.D. and my father abandoned me at a young age. This may be the reason for my thinking that God was distant and meticulously legalistic. No one taught me the significance of the elements or the reason why I recited the Lord’s Prayer and Psalms 23 every night which caused them to become nothing more than an empty ritual. I didn’t understand or have anyone to explain the concepts of religion or life and how one should live as a child so I grew up. I also didn’t receive the teachings necessary for growth spiritually nor an aid on my journey into adulthood. I couldn’t find help at home or at school. I’ve felt very alone for the majority of my life.
I’ve looked for love, or what I thought love was, in all the wrong places. I’ve changed who I was in order to fit into my social surroundings. I’ve been a punk, prep and everything in between. This has caused me to struggle with my identity in Christ quite a bit. (Am I doing what I do because I love Jesus or because this has become a way of life?) I’ve also looked for love in both intimate and platonic relationships, unavoidably leading to separation. I was introduced to the bliss of drugs near the beginning of high school, which led me to believe that I stopped caring what people and the world thought, only to be subject to a whole new level of trying to keep up with them.
In and out of detention centers, psych wards, rehab and later jail, I became callused and numb. I started cutting in my first rehab, starting as scratches eventually needing stitches. I met a girl at this place who made me feel incredible. She was everything I could’ve asked for. Despite this, it wasn’t her that I loved; it was the way she made me feel. I ended up sabotaging the relationship in various ways. Feeling ashamed of whom I’d become, I attempted suicide. Her parents knew a place where I could get some real help: Teen Challenge. I did a little research and quickly dismissed the idea of doing a 12 month faith based residential program.
After being kicked out of my apartment, living on the streets, coming close to death while being affiliated with gang members and a few more attempts at suicide I hit bottom and started the process to become a ‘student‘ at Teen Challenge. My first program started Aug 28/09. Early October I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior with full understanding at a service held at the farm. However, my flesh wasn’t going to give up so easily. Starting my 11th month in the program I was put back to month 1 because I lacked significant heart change, mostly obedience.
Soon after, I headed back into the world thinking I was equipped with the tools to handle certain situations that later led me back into the darkness. Forgetting that my identity and acceptance was found in Christ I went back to what I knew best, trying to find it in mankind. This led me to start thinking like a Buddhist, trying to separate myself from my feelings and desires. I became very philosophical, theoretical and idealistic trying to piece life together without God, doing nothing but running around in circles. I needed someone I could count on, to guide me and teach me; someone that would always be there for me and never steer me wrong.
Jesus is that person. I never fully understood how I could get to know someone that died 2000 years ago. That’s because you can’t. Thing is though, He isn’t dead, He’s very much alive. He’s giveen me the Holy Spirit who teaches me how I can serve and be more like my Master. I used to doubt His promises and have the uncanny ability to forget what wonderful things He has done but He has proven himself to me over and over. I should be dead, quite literally a few times over, but by His grace I’m able to tell you that He is epically awesome and that his love is incredibly amazing. I’m completely baffled as to why I ever question Him or how I can forget His awesomeness even more so how I doubt His love for me. The devil is a really good liar I guess…the scriptures that talk about spiritual warfare have been made for relevant to me in the recent past it’s almost overwhelming, but His grace is sufficient.
Because of the grace, mercy and love He has so willingly given me, and because I have chosen to be a slave to righteous living, not to mention the lessons I’ve learned in obedience, I have answered the call to attend Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship. I never thought God could forgive me of so much let alone use me to help save millions or use me to further His kingdom in any way for that matter. I’ve been here for a couple months and I’ve witnessed so much faith, servant-hood, love and grace. To say the very least it is simply epic. The examples that are given to us by the staff are challenging yet encouraging and hold us to a higher standard. I’m eternally grateful to my Father for choosing me to serve in this way. I’ve been exposed to an entirely different world of which I’ve grown to love very much. I am so stoked to see what he has in store for me and my classmates this year and even more so to see the character he will develop in each of us.
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Apr 5, 2013
What did you learn on the vision tour?
Visiting South Asia really opened my eyes to what it means to live a life committed to Christ. Without realizing it, I had been like Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5, claiming to give my life to God, but all the while holding back a portion for my control, to do with it what I wanted to do. Talking to our brothers and sisters on the field opened my eyes to see that Jesus called us to give Him our ALL. The cool thing is He gives us back so much more than our all—He gives us Himself. There is SO much joy in following Jesus. I want Him to have ALL of me. – Anna
What impacted you?
The people are beautiful. In the beginning of our trip, I was overwhelmed by looking at the masses as I tried to see each of them as Christ does. He took the time to create each of them exactly as He wanted, and He knows even the secret thoughts of their hearts. They are known, intimately, but they don’t know this. “What a tragedy!” my heart cried. And then I saw our brothers and sisters who have committed their lives to sharing this incredible truth. Their eyes sparkle with warmth. Their smiles are so inviting. Indeed, even their feet are lovely (Romans 10:15). Instantly, my heart was comforted and my peace returned. These missionaries are simple people with struggles, feelings and desires just like me, yet their love for Jesus and faith in Him gives them eyes to see beyond this life. The work the Lord is doing through them is utterly astounding. There is so much hope because of Jesus! I am very thankful for the national missionaries. I want to be just like them. – Elizabeth
How were you encouraged?
One thing that really encouraged me were the national missionaries. Their prayer life is so radical. They pray based on who God is, not on who we are. If someone is sick, they simply lay their hand on the person, bow their head, and say, “I declare healing in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.” And move on. Their trust in God is so simple and honest. Like a child. – Elizabeth
Share your story
“Jesus loves you.” I have probably heard those three words hundreds of times during the course of my life. Have I taken those three precious words for granted? Unfortunately, yes.
I am now able to take those three words and apply them to every person in Asia. Half of the world does not know those three words and we have the privilege to tell them. I was able to see the hope that Jesus’ love brings when I looked at our brothers and sisters in Asia. I was able to see Jesus’ love in the children’s smiles. I was able to understand how Jesus takes us, who were once abandoned, hopeless and filthy, and changes us into something beautiful. When I think of all the transformation going on in Asia and how so many people are coming to know Jesus I often think of the metamorphosis of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. We lived completely different lives before the Lord chose us and turned us into new creations.
At the Bridge of Hope center, two girls danced to a song about butterflies and God’s glory. They spread their wings (arms) during the dance, and it brought tears to my eyes to see them as once in bondage in the slums, but now, because of Jesus, they are free to fly. It gave me much hope that every child in the slums and in Asia will have their own set of wings in God’s timing.
The love that the Lord has for us remains a mystery, but there is no doubt it is powerful and has the ability to change people. I would like to pray that all of Asia would know of Jesus’ love and that as a family of Christ, we would be reminded daily of His great love that He has for us, and that we grow intimately in love with Him. – Nikki
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