Jun 18, 2013
Think about it, how often can people say that they live with six other girls who aren’t related to them? Not many!
Some might think it would be crazy (and sometimes it is), but most of the time it is a blast! It is such a blessing, even more so because each of the girls love the Lord and desire to have a deeper relationship with Him. Each one of them challenge me in different areas of my life that need to grow or be refined. They keep me accountable to the lessons that I are learning and are beginning to apply in my life.
When any one of us girls are struggling, the rest all gather around and lift up the burdened one with prayer and encouragement. I have seen it happen many times during the almost five months that we have been here. Such a beautiful thing to see! This is another reason why living in a community of godly gals is awesome!
We cook, clean, sing, learn, work, and almost do everything together! Our discussion times about what we are learning in class is one of my favorite things ever! Every one of the girls see the lessons that we are learning through different eyes. When we discuss what we see and have learned, we all see what each person learned in the certain lesson! It’s great! I get so much more out of our class times that I would have if I was just by myself.
These are only to name a few of reasons why I enjoy being in a community of gals! The Lord has blessed me more that I deserve!
Thank you to my six roommates for making my life six time more exciting!
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Jun 17, 2013
This post will take a bit of a deeper, more personal look into what the Lord has been teaching me and showing me as of late. If I can find the words to express it. As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask them.
Abba Father, the Comforter, the Creator of everything, my God, and my Savior. The past few months have been quite an interesting adventure, with the notorious highs and lows that are usually involved. However, something I never expected happened. As is often the case, the Lord has different plans than me, and if I’m patient enough to wait on Him and be content on where He takes me, then I will see that all the trials I go through were well worth it. Just like Romans 8:28 promises.
For those of you who know my past, you know it has been rather rough, yet through it all God has proved His overwhelming love for me time and time again. Without Him, I truly would be destroyed by the enemy, but in Christ, there is victory! That being said, I have had my share of struggles, and even though I know they are all lies of the enemy, for years I have entertained those lies until they became “truths” I believed in my heart. These lies have plagued my heart and my mind for many years, and even though I knew they were lies and not the Truth of God’s promises, it was really hard to let it all go and trust the Lord.
That being said, here is just one story of how God has been ridding my heart and mind of these lies: (note: I am not trying to brag through this story, I am only trying to share with you what God revealed to me.)
I have always had issues with my self image, thinking I am ugly, no one would ever think I’m pretty, and if they say so, then they only said that because they are trying to be nice. I would read Psalm 139:14 “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.” That whole chapter would bring me comfort for a short time, but I never truly believed it and tucked it in my heart as Truth.
Now, God has been working on my heart ever so gently, and I have been gaining self confidence and am beginning to view myself the way He created me. He has given me friends who compliment me a lot (it’s really hard to accept compliments when you don’t believe they are true…). Then one day, after I got a little frustrated with a few of my friends for complimenting me so much, I was a little convicted and God told me to write apology letters to them, and to thank them for their encouragement. This was before a Tuesday night prayer meeting, and when I got home from that I was really tired (like most nights), so I got ready for bed.
As I was getting ready for bed I heard clearly “You’re beautiful”. God told me I was beautiful?! I guess I can’t argue with Him, so I said thanks and then went to bed. The next morning, however, He said it again. “You’re beautiful.” This time I believed it in my heart. God made me, if He says I’m beautiful, then I must be in His eyes, and His opinion is all that matters. That day I dressed up just for him.
This story is only one of the many that has been happening lately in my life. God has been restoring my heart, and my mind so much in the past few months that honestly, I’m not even close to the same person as I was before. I’m closer to the Lord in our ever growing and deepening relationship, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Anyways, thanks for reading this semi-different, more deep and personal newsletter. I’d love to hear your stories of God’s restoration in your lives! Just post them below in a comment, or send them to me in a message or email.
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Jun 17, 2013
My entire life I’ve been searching for love and have done some pretty extreme things on this journey to find it, such as: immorality, people pleasing, and using almost every drug under the sun.
My parents dedicated me to God when I was born but my home life didn’t come close to comparing to the Christian standard. My mother was over anxious, suffered from O.C.D. and my father abandoned me at a young age. This may be the reason for my thinking that God was distant and meticulously legalistic. No one taught me the significance of the elements or the reason why I recited the Lord’s Prayer and Psalms 23 every night which caused them to become nothing more than an empty ritual. I didn’t understand or have anyone to explain the concepts of religion or life and how one should live as a child so I grew up. I also didn’t receive the teachings necessary for growth spiritually nor an aid on my journey into adulthood. I couldn’t find help at home or at school. I’ve felt very alone for the majority of my life.
I’ve looked for love, or what I thought love was, in all the wrong places. I’ve changed who I was in order to fit into my social surroundings. I’ve been a punk, prep and everything in between. This has caused me to struggle with my identity in Christ quite a bit. (Am I doing what I do because I love Jesus or because this has become a way of life?) I’ve also looked for love in both intimate and platonic relationships, unavoidably leading to separation. I was introduced to the bliss of drugs near the beginning of high school, which led me to believe that I stopped caring what people and the world thought, only to be subject to a whole new level of trying to keep up with them.
In and out of detention centers, psych wards, rehab and later jail, I became callused and numb. I started cutting in my first rehab, starting as scratches eventually needing stitches. I met a girl at this place who made me feel incredible. She was everything I could’ve asked for. Despite this, it wasn’t her that I loved; it was the way she made me feel. I ended up sabotaging the relationship in various ways. Feeling ashamed of whom I’d become, I attempted suicide. Her parents knew a place where I could get some real help: Teen Challenge. I did a little research and quickly dismissed the idea of doing a 12 month faith based residential program.
After being kicked out of my apartment, living on the streets, coming close to death while being affiliated with gang members and a few more attempts at suicide I hit bottom and started the process to become a ‘student‘ at Teen Challenge. My first program started Aug 28/09. Early October I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior with full understanding at a service held at the farm. However, my flesh wasn’t going to give up so easily. Starting my 11th month in the program I was put back to month 1 because I lacked significant heart change, mostly obedience.
Soon after, I headed back into the world thinking I was equipped with the tools to handle certain situations that later led me back into the darkness. Forgetting that my identity and acceptance was found in Christ I went back to what I knew best, trying to find it in mankind. This led me to start thinking like a Buddhist, trying to separate myself from my feelings and desires. I became very philosophical, theoretical and idealistic trying to piece life together without God, doing nothing but running around in circles. I needed someone I could count on, to guide me and teach me; someone that would always be there for me and never steer me wrong.
Jesus is that person. I never fully understood how I could get to know someone that died 2000 years ago. That’s because you can’t. Thing is though, He isn’t dead, He’s very much alive. He’s giveen me the Holy Spirit who teaches me how I can serve and be more like my Master. I used to doubt His promises and have the uncanny ability to forget what wonderful things He has done but He has proven himself to me over and over. I should be dead, quite literally a few times over, but by His grace I’m able to tell you that He is epically awesome and that his love is incredibly amazing. I’m completely baffled as to why I ever question Him or how I can forget His awesomeness even more so how I doubt His love for me. The devil is a really good liar I guess…the scriptures that talk about spiritual warfare have been made for relevant to me in the recent past it’s almost overwhelming, but His grace is sufficient.
Because of the grace, mercy and love He has so willingly given me, and because I have chosen to be a slave to righteous living, not to mention the lessons I’ve learned in obedience, I have answered the call to attend Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship. I never thought God could forgive me of so much let alone use me to help save millions or use me to further His kingdom in any way for that matter. I’ve been here for a couple months and I’ve witnessed so much faith, servant-hood, love and grace. To say the very least it is simply epic. The examples that are given to us by the staff are challenging yet encouraging and hold us to a higher standard. I’m eternally grateful to my Father for choosing me to serve in this way. I’ve been exposed to an entirely different world of which I’ve grown to love very much. I am so stoked to see what he has in store for me and my classmates this year and even more so to see the character he will develop in each of us.
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Jun 14, 2013
“You do not have to be Superwoman.” That was the lesson of the day.
I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to this week and was kind of discouraged last night. That’s when the Lord started the super hero lesson.
First it was through a message Pastor Chuck Smith gave from the book of Job. “Hey, you’re not Superman, you’re not Wonder Woman; you’re dust,” he said. “You’re not the super saint that you’d like to be–and sometimes think that you are. You’re dust! And God remembers that.” I was encouraged to remember that the Lord understands my weaknesses.
Then, on a completely different track, I was reading First Things First by Stephen Covey. He explained that the goal is not to cram as many activities in our schedule as possible. “We’re not trying to be Superman or Superwoman,” he wrote. Lord, I think you’re trying to make a point.
But He wasn’t done. This morning, Brother K.P. Yohannnan gave a message on the importance of thankfulness. Can you guess what he said in the middle? Yep. We don’t have to be Superman.
So, it’s settled. I am not Superwoman. But what does that mean?
God knows my limitations and failures and He loves me anyway. In Psalm 103, David says it this way: “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.” This removes a lot of pressure.
God is so good and His grace does not depend on our output. “We are not on a perfomance contract with God,” one Gospel for Asia leader often reminds the staff. I am thankful to have a Father who loves growing, struggling, less-than-super people.
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Apr 23, 2013
The Lord has definitely been trying to teach me different things since I joined as a student for Gospel for Asia‘s School of Discipleship in Canada. The staff had said that I (as a student), would have to learn to die to myself but I didn’t really think a whole lot about it until I was actually into the program. It was then that I noticed that God wanted me to give up everything! My plans, My ways of doing things, and My will is what I needed to learn to totally submit to God. Praise the Lord that He is working in my life in that area, not that I have achieved everything but I am getting there!
God has been teaching me that I need to pray more. I need to be a person that is totally devoted to praying for others and not just me. I need to be praying for the nations around me and for those in other countries. I want to have more of a passion and a burden for the lost souls around me. I never realized until I came to Gospel For Asia that there was so many people that have never heard the Gospel of Jesus being preached. They have never even heard of His Name! That’s something that was very shocking to me! I really appreciate at Gospel For Asia that they have so many prayer times together. They take the time to pray and stand in the gap for these nations. They are definitely a praying people! “Lord, help me to be more of a prayer warrior.”
Another thing that God wants to teach me is to be more encouraging to people. I have been a fairly negative person in the past but I am seeking to change that. By God’s grace I will seek to encourage others in their walk with the Lord instead of putting them down. I want others to lift me up especially when I am struggling and so I need to do that for others as well.
I believe that the Lord has so much more that He wants to teach me this year while I’m at the School of Discipleship here at Gospel For Asia. Please pray for me that I will be open to the Spirit’s leading and that He will work marvelously in my life. Pray that I will go home a changed person (for the better) and that I will become the man of God that He wants me to be.
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