Our Will and His Will

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“Bekah, go make your bed.” My mom told me. “Mom, I don’t need to though because I’m just gonna sleep in it again tonight!” I replied. “Bekah, do it anyway, I know you don’t understand why you need to right now, but you will someday.” She said again. “But I don’t have time to do it, I need to go do school first.” I insisted. I continued to persist until I was punished for disobeying. I’m pretty sure that you can think of at least one instance where you had a conversation like this with your Mom or Dad and I don’t know how yours turned out, but I know mine never ended well. I was extremely stubborn and strong willed and it took a lot for me to obey.

To this day, I continue to struggle with obeying, not necessarily my parents, but the Lord. When the Lord called me to Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship, I responded in the same way I did to making my bed. But, I need to go to college. But, it’s too much money! But, I can’t because I can’t leave my family and move to Texas! I really did find any excuse I could to ignore what God was calling me to. But strong willed as I am, the Lord’s will is stronger, and He didn’t give up on me just because I was making excuses.

I don’t know where I would be at right now in my relationship with the Lord if I hadn’t obeyed the Lord and followed His will that was so obviously placed before me. And as hesitant as I was, coming to School of  Discipleship was the best decision I’ve made in my life. God knows best for us, and although there is uncertainty or doubt or unwillingness in our hearts, trusting and obeying the Lord will always turn out good. In Romans 8:28-29 it says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”

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There’s Got to Be More

I was hungry for Jesus. This was all I knew during my high school and community college days. I was not attracted to degrees or good jobs. I knew they were good and can absolutely be used for God’s glory, but there’s just got to be something more.

When peers or teachers would ask what I want to be or do, what degree I will pursue, I’ve always given a decent reply and tell them what they want to hear; more so, I would reply with what I thought was practical, normal, and good. But deep down in me, I wanted Jesus. There was nothing else that rung louder in my heart than knowing Jesus and serving him.

My sister and I would always talk before bed of a life that meant something. We desired for our futures to be more than being employed to pay for the bills. We knew that whatever is “more” had to do with more of Jesus—whatever profession we take on.

Every time I thought about the future, my future, I knew I wanted to do “great things.” I just did not know what “great things” entailed.

Deep within my soul, I trusted that God was working to fulfill his plans. Oh I was so clueless though! Every school felt too expensive, too far. My dreams of playing music were vague, seemed unrealistic and unpractical.

I read a book called “Revolution in World Missions” in high school. On the very last page was a brochure advertising Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship. It included a question very much familiar to the words of Jesus. It read: “Can you die to yourself for a year?” That’s how the Lord introduced me to where I currently am now.

Despite my love for Jesus, I did not want to attend an exclusive Christian college or work at a church or be a pastor. So, I set aside School of Discipleship in the back of my head, thinking that the program was only for those who want to be “in ministry,” which I always thought meant within the walls of a church.

A couple of years later, during college, little did I know that coming to Gospel for Asia would be the plan God had for me.

I was in my room crying to the Father for his will to be done in my life, for Him to take over every aspect of it. I said, “Lord, I don’t really know what I’m praying or asking for. All I know is I want you.”

Sure enough the Lord answered and led me to apply to School of Discipleship.

So now, I’m here! The Lord has provided the funds and support I needed and still is. I still don’t know what I want to be or do. I still feel clueless most of the time. But being here gives me time to seek more of the Father’s heart. Learning about the world around me and its need for Jesus, learning how to pray, digging deeper into God’s holy word, and living with people who live for nothing else but Jesus and His glory, is definitely shedding some light into how I can take God-glorifying steps for the future and more importantly for the now. A lot of my perspectives have changed and are changing. But what better place to be in at such a young age than in Jesus’ hands, listening to Jesus’ advice, and hearing Jesus’ thoughts?
[James 4:13-17]

 

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Facing Yourself and the Body of Christ

The broken bridges, the desert plains, these are images that come to my mind when I think of what the past has been. I came here to School of Discipleship thinking my walk with the Lord would grow stronger, and it did. What I didn’t realize is how I would face myself. When we truly seek the Lord and ask Him to change us, we will have to face who we really are, behind the walls, the gates, the bars and all the defenses we throw up. That is a hard thing to do, facing  yourself. When we get to know our true selves we won’t like who we are, but we have to remember that the Lord changes us. He seeks out our hearts as we seek out His and He will change us from the inside out. We just have to allow Him to change us.

It will not be easy to bear as the Lord starts changing us; it can be a slow process. It will often be painful in these times. The world will seem to have flipped upside down but God is still God, no matter what. Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship is one of the safest places to really let your guard down before the Lord. As you let your guard down, your guard will began to drop with your housemates, your supervisors, and your department heads and that may terrify you. However, as will be reiterated and reminded of you many times over, the Lord is always with you, so lean on Him. The Lord has brought me here to Gospel for Asia for a reason and that is to grow in Him and part of that is change.

Something important to understand about School of Discipleship is that people will constantly encourage you into the arms of the Lord, and that is the best thing that can happen. You can cry here, you can be vulnerable, it’ll happen at some point whether you want it to or not. There is so much of the Lord’s presence here and His heart is lived out. People will ask you if you are OK and genuinely want to know if you are. You may find yourself responding with disarming honesty, you may find that you can no longer give the phony answer. If you can or do give the phony answer, you’ll feel as if you’ve missed the opportunity to reach out and be part of the body.

That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned here, The Body of Christ. Christ’s Body is made up of so many other Christians and they are meant to be there for us, to exhort and uplift one another in the pursuit of God and His Will. I have discovered that the Body of Christ is a genuine thing and God has used it to soften my heart in areas I had not realized my heart was hard in. Don’t be afraid to grow, don’t be afraid to reach out to others. It’s hard and may not turn out as you expect but there are times God will use it. You will be blown away and through it all you will realize how much He loves you, cares for you, desires your heart and to know you. School of Discipleship is a tool God uses greatly to shape young Christians. Through School of Discipleship you will be introduced to a true Body of Christ (if  you’re like me you had never experienced it before) and yourself. It is good. Learn what it means to have a relationship with Jesus. School of Discipleship will teach you.

 

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Christ’s Love on Display

I am so thankful that the Lord has brought me here to GFA. I actually have lost count of the number of things I’ve learned while being here. Between the books, the classroom, work at the ministry, the community, prayer and even home life, the Lord has taught me a lot. He continues to teach me everyday. I have noticed it is hard for me to accept or even realize is how treasured we are in Christ. God calls us precious; He compares us to jewels and prized possessions. And then there are moments with people who just stop and say, we love you. They genuinely mean it. That is Christ displayed in the Body. There is no reason we should be able to love each other so freely but we do so because of Christ.

It seems every time I am going through some tough growing pains, the Lord uses His Body to openly to display His love. It overwhelms me. I am a weepy person, and the reality is that God’s love just pours out on us like a warm blanket or an amazingly comfortable bath. You’re just covered in the warmth of His love. One of the mentors here once said to me, “Those pieces of your heart that the devil took, that were caused by your past; the Lord will and is restoring them. Don’t ever doubt that.” God loves us SO much. I cannot emphasize this enough. There is no one on the entire earth that cares about us the way God does.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Did you know that a yoke was traditionally meant for two animals to pull? That means Christ is on the other side of that yoke pulling it with us. This is the reason why His burden is light, because He is pulling it with us. He’s pulling it and God’s grace and strength is more than sufficient. He puts His strength in us and it seems that we are able to pull it. But in the end, it is still Christ doing all the work.

Praise the Lord!

 

To learn more about School of Discipleship, check out our website.

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Humility Exercised through Classes and Community

Image result for Calvary Road
What gives the blood of Jesus it’s power? Roy Hession states this answer in his book, The Calvary Road: “that which gives the precious blood its power with God for men is the lamb-like disposition of the One who shed it and of which it is the supreme expression. ”

For almost two weeks now, my whole class has been going through this book which emphasizes on understanding what it means to be broken and humble like Christ. We are finding plenty of opportunities to be broken and to love without expectations, especially because we get to apply everything we are learning at work and at home.

Since the Lord is in the midst of our everyday conversations and decisions, there is no way we could simply talk about brokenness and not find ourselves quickly dealing with our convictions when we offend someone or when we enter in denial of our need for God.

As for me, within this week alone, I have been offended by at least two people. Pride arises so quickly in me during these experiences and I would venture on to give excuses for my bitterness toward my offenders.

But there really is no getting around it.

I live with my peers and Jesus knows exactly how to make a reality what we have been discussing and reading about. Plus, we read Philippians 2-3:11 at least twice a week for the whole month of October. It speaks of considering others before oneself and thus exemplifying the life of Jesus, who is the very reason why we joined School of Discipleship in the first place! As a result, there has been a lot of “I’m sorry’s” and “I forgive you’s” going around. Praise the Lord.

By God’s grace, in the midst of my own struggles, I am becoming more conscious of the bigger picture. I am recognizing my self-focus; and more importantly, I am learning to obey the gentle rebuke of my heavenly Father. My peers and I are finding that there truly is power in the blood of Jesus through brokenness. Beyond the little annoyances and selfishness in our hearts is healing, true character building, and a deeper sense of fellowship through humility.

Our union as Christ’s body grows stronger each day as we obey the Lord’s voice in our individual lives. Thanks to our classes and the experience of living in an interdependent community all centered on Jesus Christ, the humble lamb of God. We are learning what it means to be broken and humble in the small things. How encouraging. Imagine the big things that God must be planning for our lives in the future to glorify Himself.

Praise Jesus.

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Genuine Community

Who would’ve thought that one word would carry so much meaning? When you type “community” into google, this is the top definition that pops up: “A group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common.” Well, I don’t know about you, but I have struggled most of my life to find a place to belong. When I first came to Gospel for Asia to attend School of Discipleship, I didn’t have many expectations of finding that place to belong here. In fact, I was expecting to stick out like a sore thumb because this has been my experience my whole life. Even in the best situations, like with my family or friends, I’ve always had this lingering feeling of being on the outside.

I never understood it, and having known the Lord most of my life, I would ask Him over and over why I had these feelings of not belonging in my family, friends, school, college, even workplaces. Most of the time, I would think in the back of my mind, “Would they even miss me if I was gone?”

Since coming to School of Discipleship, I’ve finally experienced true community for the first time!

The fellowship that the Gospel for Asia staff and students has with one another is real and profound. Since my first step on the campus, they have intentionally taken the time to get know and welcome me. It has been incredible to see the love and genuine kindness expressed from each person here at Gospel for Asia. At first, I was overwhelmed and confused by the community; I didn’t understand why everyone was just so nice to me all the time! But the longer I’ve been here, the more clearly I see what their motives are. They love the Lord and it’s His love that pours out from their hearts, mouths, and actions when they interact with one another. “We love because He FIRST loved us” (1 John 4:19).

As I have been seeking the Lord during my year in School of Discipleship, I have a better understanding of how this community is so genuine and loving to each other. The second part of the definition of community is “having a particular characteristic in common.” Google is completely right! The community here at Gospel for Asia does have one characteristic in common: Jesus. He is the One who unites us and it’s His love and His sacrifice on the Cross that brings us together in a way nothing else can.

Community is just one of the ways the Lord reveals Himself to us. I mean, who else could unite people with such vastly different backgrounds, opinions, and personalities as they live and work alongside of each other?! No one and nothing but Jesus. I have been amazed and grateful to God for the community I have experienced at Gospel for Asia. And more than that, I know now that wherever I go, I can experience community with other believers because of Christ and my experience at Gospel for Asia.

 

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