Jul 15, 2011
I’ve been having a really tough week and a half. A week ago I became horribly discouraged and worried. I couldn’t pin point anything that was wrong, so I didn’t know what to blame it on. When I was asked this past weekend if I was doing okay I replied that the biggest thing that was wrong and what was bothering me is that I was no longer hearing the Lord’s voice. I had stopped seeking just Him. I was seeking Him + His will for my life, Him + peace, Him + joy, but not just Him.
I decided during the weekend that I would take time to pray and to seek God. I asked Him to break me and to make me more like Him. I asked to hear His voice yet again. I prayed that night for quite a while and there was no answer. The next night I cried out to God just to speak to me. It didn’t have to be huge, it didn’t have to be nice; I just wanted to hear His voice.
Then, clearer than I’ve ever heard the Lord speak to me, His voice was there in my head. I sat straight up as He said, “I am with you in your pain. In your pain you will know Me”.
Pain? What pain?
You might be as curious as I was wondering what this pain was. For the next few days I was looking around for what was going to happen. I was waiting for a car crash, or wondering if I was going to be mugged. I was clueless but sure that if I would have Him with me – I was going to look forward to it.
Well yesterday I was going about my day when suddenly the Lord grabbed me and showed me an area of my life that was completely off track. I was confronted with a choice. Would I change – or would I stay where I was at and defend my self?
The choice really was a no brainer – why stay the same when we can change and become like Christ?
So, I realized that God wasn’t there to give me physical pain and help get me through it. He knew that I was going to have to deal with things for these few days. There have been multiple things – some good, some bad – that have happened over the past 30 or so hours. I am drained and battle weary. But may I tell you that God is faithful? He cares about you and He cares about me way too much to let us stay the same.
One prayer I can guarantee that the Lord will answer is if you ask Him to break you and make you humble. That’s His desire for you and He will be so excited if you are ready to work with Him in those areas. I know He answered my prayer quick.
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Jul 12, 2011
It has been too long since I’ve posted a blog but I wanted to share a big thing God is teaching me through His Word in the book of 1 Samuel. I decided I wanted to do a character study on King David. But I don’t like topical studies as much and instead wanted to just read through 1 and 2 Samuel. But along the way, the Lord has changed my plans and instead I found myself looking at all of the other characters, including King Saul.
This book shows us that both King David and Saul started good, humble and young. Its the same when God callers us into the ministry, we started good, young, humble and full of zeal and passion and eager to do whatever God would have us do and to joyfully do what those above us ask of us. At least, this was how it was for me!
You probably know the story…Israel was a theocracy (God was their King and ruler). They rejected God as their king and wanted to be like all of the other nations who had kings. So God gave them what they wanted and gave them King Saul, Israel’s first king. He was not God’s idea for a king…he was what the people wanted so God gave them what they wanted. But it would cause problems and a downfall of the nation Israel into evil, corruption and all kinds of problems.
After Samuel’s anointing of Saul to be king, in 1 Samuel 9:21 it says, “Saul answered, “But am I not a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin? Why do you say such a thing to me?”
As it came time for Saul to be chosen among the tribes as King over Israel, they tried to bring him out to show the people but he was not found. Finally, with the help of the Lord, the Lord showed them that he has been hiding among the baggage (paraphrased from 1 Samuel 10:20-22)
Those two passages show Saul was a humble man. The Lord was also with Saul and Saul had the Lord’s anointing on his life. This to me sounds like an awesome beginning for the leader of Israel and to lead the nation in godliness.
He started out so good! But it didn’t continue like that nor did it finish that way. Saul’s first act of unbelief and disobedience came when he waited for Samuel to come bring a burnt and fellowship offering. But after 7 days (the time set by Samuel) he took the role of priest into his own hands and offered up the burnt and fellowship offerings. Samuel finally came and upon seeing what Saul had done, he rebuked him and called him foolish. Because of this, God rejected Saul as king and Samuel declared his unfitness to being Israel’s King. From here, Saul went down hill.
Later on, Saul was commanded by the Lord to go completely kill the Amalekites because of what they had done to Israel. First of all, something I never thought of before is that the Amalikites is a picture of our flesh. God commanded Saul to completely take them out and leave nothing alive. In the same way, God calls for us to completely kill and crucify our flesh and leave no room for it. Saul disobeyed and spared some of the animals including King Agag, the Amalikite king. In this way, we are not told to change our flesh, reform it or in some ways spare certain parts of our flesh…we’re told to completely kill it! This was just a side thought!
Upon Saul’s disobedience to completely wipe out the Amalikites, Samuel approaches Saul with rebuke and says in 1 Samuel 15:17, “Although you were once small in your eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The Lord anointed you as king over Israel.” That verse shows that Saul was once humble and small but is no longer. You see Saul then voicing a confession and repentance but I don’t believe it’s sincere, but rather that he’s trying to defend his position, title and fame as he says in 1 Samuel 15:30, “I have sinned. But please honor me before the elders of my people and before Israel;come back with me, so that I may worship the Lord your God.” Saul goes down hill and the Lord’s anointing and spirit left him. God had sought after a man after His own heart who would then be king of Israel, this being David a young shepherd boy.
As Saul grew to know David he saw that David was met with more success then Saul and his name became well known (1 Sam 18:30). In 1 Sam 18:20 it says, “Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. “They have credited David with tens of thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?” And from that time on, Saul kept a jealous eye on David.”
1 Samuel 18:12- “Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with David but had left Saul.” Saul was afraid of losing his position as king and someone else taking that spot.
As this story of Saul goes on, he gets worse and worse and spends the rest of his life bent on killing and getting David. He became jealous, took his eyes off God, and tried to defend his kingship!
Looking at my life I see that in many ways in ministry I have been a Saul at times. I’ve started out good and humble but I’ve found myself jealous of another brother or sister’s success and I’ve been worried about going to a different department in the ministry and I’ve been worried and jealous about someone else taking my position in my department. I have struggled with this and one day it got the worst of me and found myself falling, emotionless but yet just wanting to cry and I had to step out. Thankfully this hadn’t led to bitterness, anger and revenge like it did to Saul. I’ve been praying every day that I would stay humble and rejoice in others successes. Later on, God showed me that it was He that humbled me because of my pride and desiring position and defending it and being jealous of others’ positions and successes.
Thank the Lord he protected me and my heart as I gave it up to him and now it’s so freeing to be able to work together with my brothers and sisters at GFA with no hard feelings of bitterness and jealousy of their position or success. The Lord is the one who puts people in positions and makes people successful…I’ve been learning to praise and thank God for this! We’re a family and we’re the body of Christ but I find myself being like Saul or being like the 12 disciples and trying to be the greatest, when instead we should rejoice and praise God for each others’ positions and successes in the ministry and work together in love and unity realizing that God has everyone in the place He desires for them at the time. Maybe someday God will raise me but I must be faithful in the ministry to where He has me now! There’s freedom in this! After all, it’s God’s ministry and in the process of reaching the lost in Asia He gets all the glory!
We see that King David sinned badly and made huge mistakes such as murder and committing adultery. But after all this, God still kept him as King and called him a man after his own heart and even made Jesus come through his family line. Why did David still have this? Because even in his faults and failings, he still allowed God to work with him and he sincerely repented and chased God’s will, didn’t defend his kingship, unlike Saul who was the opposite! Ultimately, Saul dies and falls on the sword…such a wasted life to someone who started out good, humble and had so much potential!
So, it’s not about how good we start, it’s about how well we finish! This to me has been a warning to my heart which has helped me to stay in the ministry, following God with all my heart! I’ve been praying and desiring to stay humble and therefore I believe God has given me practical situations to practice it and it’s been a struggle, but He never gives more than we can handle!
I could go on and on about this topic and all the things God is showing me through his word. Praise God!
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May 7, 2011
The more I’m involved in ministry and other people’s lives, the more I am desperate for time with the Lord. I was told “KISS” is an acronym used in the military: “Keep it simple, stupid.”
When I was younger, I had to live vicariously by playing “pretend” because I wasn’t old enough to do the cool stuff. But now that I’m older I’m not limited to my own backyard. This world is full of new things and the majority of it is marketed at our age group. That isn’t bad on its own, but I’ve found that if I don’t guard my time it’s wasted on something trivial, and I easily become overloaded and unable to function.
I have always been enamored with God’s simple, majestic beauty in nature. It’s one avenue for me to escape the city, pressure, and constancy of the world. I find it refreshing and freeing to re-center on God’s heart and calling on my life.
Clear your schedule. Leave your iPod and cell phone behind. Grab your Bible and a notepad, or just take a walk and talk to God. Let’s blaze a trail into the awesome depths of His love and promise for our lives.
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May 6, 2011
I’ve been learning a lot about God lately. So I’d like to share with you what that happens to be. It is still a forming thought, and emotion, and understanding of God, but that doesn’t mean I can’t share it with you all. If you’ve learned this, or have something to add as well, please comment. 🙂
I have had a lot of messed up ideas and thoughts about what love is, how it applies to me, how it should flow through me to others, and God’s unfailing, unconditional love. God has as He promised used everything for good – Romans 8:28.
There are still scars in my heart that are in the mending process. Therefore, knowing that my view of love was messed up, I decided to go through the Bible from the viewpoint of God’s love and how He expresses it, all the while praying for God’s love to fill me and overflow on others around me.
God has been so faithful! Each time I read His Word, I see time and time again, either His patience with the Israelites (who I tend to replace with myself as I tend to do a lot of the same things they do), or the way Jesus interacted with others through His time here on earth, and also through David’s love of God and vice versa in the Psalms. He’s rebuilding the passion and love and such that I’ve longed for, for Him. And through the love He’s building in me for Him, I am learning how to love others with that same love that dwells inside me. It seems so natural to do!
After I realized that, I started praying for Him to rebuild my view of what a father is like. Because I never had the correct perspective. But God is my Father, and He treats me as such. and so He’s been showing me, through His love, and through filling me with Him, and through blessing me in relating to me on my level (through nature, what I see, observe, and hear, etc.) that I now know what a Father is supposed to look like.
He’s slowly making me more childlike in faith, believing for the impossible, knowing and fully believing that He can do it all. He’s my super hero (cliche, I know, but like a child looks up to their Daddy as being able to do ANYTHING, that’s how I’m seeing God; and unlike an earthly father, God can actually do it!). It’s sooooooo simple, but I made it more complex than it needs to be!
anyway…. still a work in progress but wanted to share it with y’all. Please comment on this! I wanna see how God is working in your lives in this way as well! See what you have discovered about our Daddy, what you’ve learned of His love, and how He flows from you to others around you.
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Apr 25, 2011
I had some trouble sleeping last night (too much caffeine last night, I think!) and it made me think of the women who went to Jesus’ tomb so early in the morning. I can just picture them restless through the night, wanting to get to the tomb as soon as they could. Their last chance to do something for Jesus, so they thought. So when it was still dark they made their way to where His body was laid. But it wasn’t there anymore. Tired and grieving, all Mary Magdalene could do was cry, overwhelmed with it all.
But in a beautiful picture of the nature of Jesus, this was the moment He came to her. What a shock! I can imagine thoughts going through her mind. He’s dead. At least He was…I saw His body wrapped up in the tomb. But He knew her name, He was standing right there! He really was alive.
I always get so excited on the morning of Resurrection Sunday. After the weekend, thinking and meditating on His death, it’s seems like fresh news that He’s alive. The most wonderful part is that He’s just as alive and present every morning. And He knows my name, just like He knew Mary’s. When I’m overwhelmed and everything seems to be at it’s worst, that’s when He comes, saying “Corie Anna.” And He knows your name too. What a wonderful Savior!
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