Aug 17, 2011
“While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jarius, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?” Over hearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid just believe.” Mark 5:21-43
This summer I went into my three month internship with some expectations. Some of them were met, others were not. Having been at Gospel for Asia for a month last year, I did not expect to be out of my comfort zone as much as some of the other interns. Boy, was I wrong.
Everything was going well until one day we went to Celebrate Freedom. There we were to pass out the new No Longer a Slumdog books. To be honest, I was scared and I told another intern straight out, “I don’t think I can do this.” Now, I’ve been at multiple events in the past representing Gospel for Asia but this time I was intimidated because I actually had to STOP people who wouldn’t normally stop at this kind of booth. I was really insecure about this. After our group prayed to God though, it was almost as if He was strengthening all of us to go on and I noticed as my time went on, I became more and more excited about passing out the books.
Once I was in the airport over the July 4th weekend, and I saw this man sitting by himself on the other side of the terminal. God kept on pushing me to go and talk to Him, and each time I said “no” the conviction I needed to go over there got stronger and stronger. Eventually it go so strong, I knew I had to go and talk to him. So I went over and sat with Him and started asking Him some questions. I knew God wanted me to give Him a gospel tract, but I went away before being able to give him a Gospel tract. I was too afraid.
God, as He always does used my failure as a time of teaching. He comforted me saying, saying, “Even though you fail, I still love you.” That really boggled my mind a lot.
Also during this time, I came to the place in Grace Awakening by Charles Swindoll where it talked abouat not fearing being the most common command of Jesus. This greatly encouraged me during this time.
I’m still not perfect. God will continue to challenge me to get out my comfort zone, as he challenges all of us in our weaknesses. Yet, one thing I do know, God will work through us as we turn to Him whether through our weakness our strengths.
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Aug 13, 2011
For the past year or so, I’ve been praying continuously for God to break me so that what I feel on the inside, in my Spirit, could be freely expressed (without shame) on the outside, specifically in the form of crying. Not so that I can act spiritual, not so that I can be proud about my emotions and what the Spirit is doing in my life, but so that I can freely express what God is placing on my heart, to be transparent with my brothers and sisters in Christ, to show God’s love so fully with others that they can clearly see Him in me. I don’t want God to be clouded through me, I desperately want others to see the fullness of His love, His grace, His mercy, His passion for the lost and dying in this world in and through me.
The other night while I was reading through Release of the Spirit, by Watchman Nee, my heart was broken. It was aching so tremendously for my unsaved family, friends, and those I don’t know. Just knowing that without Christ, without accepting His Truth, they are on a pathway that will lead them to Christless eternity. In that moment, I wanted to weep for them, I wanted to let them see the pain that I felt. That if they could truly see how much I loved them, that maybe, just maybe they would see and understand the Truth. That they would be saved. To experience God like I have, His unconditional love, His constant companionship, His never-wavering comfort and Truth. Oh how I want them to see and understand! But still, no tears were shed on the outside.
I told this to one of my friends via text and they mentioned that God loves them more than I ever could. Those weren’t the exact words, but the message is the same. Just thinking of how much I was aching for them to experience, know, understand, and believe the Truth, and then knowing God’s aching is infinitely greater than I can even contain in my weak human existence. Oh my goodness! If only they knew! If only they knew that the very God that created the heavens and the earth, the very God that formed them in their mother’s womb, the very God that sent His ONE AND ONLY Son to DIE for OUR sins wants them to know how much He desperately loves them and wants to be loved by them. If only I could show them… they have NO IDEA how great His love is for them.
I’m thankful that God is working in my life to break my heart for the lost world in a way I wasn’t expecting. I’m so blessed to know that He loves me, ME, the very person whose sins nailed Him to the cross nearly 2000 years ago. To know that even though I feel this way, He feels it greater than I, but He allowed me this little glimpse into His heart. I know that God will give me the ability to cry again. I know that those I’m praying for by name will come to know the Lord. It’s only a matter of His perfect timing. And that I am willing to wait for.
Thanks for reading, If you have any thoughts or comments, please comment on the post. Thanks!! I love you all! and God loves you even more!
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Jun 15, 2011
I just spent most of my day at Martin Memorial North a hospital in South Florida.
My morning started with prayer and afterward I planned what I do with the rest of my day.
Those plans were put to a stop with one phone call. Our family friend and sister in Christ Catherine T. had collapsed and was on her way to the hospital. Her family needed our support and so off my mom , sister and I went. Cleaning the kitchen and buying paint for the walls seemed so pathetic in light of it all.
Later that morning I drove to the hospital with food and liquid, my mom was already there and my sister had stayed home.
A short time later I sat in a chair next to her husband Matthew and listened as he talked about whatever. He was in a haze of heartache as he waited knowing his wife was in critical condition. Around me sat other families waiting for their loved ones to wake up or get out of surgery.
I can’t imagine how hard it is for all of them but what I do know is that they were not alone in it all.
God was with them and so was His Bride, the Body of Christ! That morning I texted all the people I knew. Many from my beloved Gospel For Asia, others from previous churches, and still others in different states. These people are all separated by space but we are one in Christ coming together in prayer for a sister. How completely beautiful is that?!?
Then at the hospital a brother in Christ-Will-he does the power point at church and drove down to support them
A little later our Pastor-Greg came, then another sister Jen (from a different church!!) came to sit with the family.
I sat there in complete awe of our God. No other family in that waiting room had non-family members come to sit and pray with them.
As we neared the end of our time there Elaine called and asked if she could do anything. Tonight she is bring all of us Chicken dinner.
Walking out to our cars we were met with Ted and Cindy Joe a couple who had come to encourage Matt and hug him.
Finally home we were met with a note from my sister who had left for work. She had prepared the house and bedroom for Matthew and his girls (he was too shook up to go back to his house). Crazy amazing!!
That my friends is the body of Christ at work. The Bible says they will know us by our love for one another-I praise God that we could function like we were supposed to.
I pray that it doesn’t always take an emergency for us to work like that.
Please pray for Catherine and her family.
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Apr 8, 2011
A few weekends ago, I had the privilege to go camping with some other Gospel For Asia staff members. It was an awesome weekend and I learned a lot, and in some ways that I never expected to learn them. Here’s what I learned.
Some of us went fishing. The patience required is much like when you’re waiting on the Lord. You cast your line, in faith, and you wait. You don’t know what’s next, or what’s going on below the water. You just have to be prepared for what could happen next. God’s given us a whole book of instruction, and we even have the instructor living inside of us! We need to be ready and prepared to act when God says to go. Back to fishing… If you get a catch that’s like an answer to prayer, you need to then reel it in so it doesn’t get off the hook, Likewise, even if you don’t get a catch, that’s yet another answer to prayer, you then have to reel in your line and re-cast. God knows what you need, when you need it. So don’t be disappointed when you don’t get the “catch” you want, and when you want it…
I also learned a lot about trust. During the weekend, we went rock climbing and ended up stranded on top of a 35 foot rock formation in the dark. So I learned to trust people that I don’t know very well and it was scary at first, but after a while I learned that I am safe with the rope and harness and someone who knows what they’re doing up top. God’s provided us with all that we need for the tasks He gives to us. He doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle in His strength. That’s like our rope and harness, and God’s up top knowing exactly what He’s doing, all He needs us to do is sit back, and trust Him to get us to our destination safely.
God is good isn’t He? 🙂
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Mar 15, 2011
Unsure and unsatisfied with where they are at, Christians I’ve talked to over the past two years have often made me think about how does God use our lives and how we can act on His calling. What are your expectations for how God is to work in your life? Are you like me in that my time and schedule gets filled with work and things so rapidly I feel at a loss? Comparing myself to others, am I just doing okay or poorly?
My heart has burned for different men, women, and couples I’ve talked to that have a burden for the lost but at that time were not pursuing to answer that burden. I wish I had not responded in my natural gentleness but shouted, “Forget all these other things! You just follow Jesus!” In my past I wish I had been so similarly challenged and listened more often. It took me a long time to give up my plans.
God works in similar ways so that we would see His kingdom and His righteousness first, but the timing and how it happens is another issue all together. We’re all at different places in our walks and Christ working on us. We need to act boldly on faith and challenge each other. I’m talking to myself too, because I, like others, was stubborn and it has taken some sludge hammers and lots of humbling experiences for God to get me in a place where I’m willing to be molded by Him. Jesus said you follow me (Read John 21:21-23). We cannot compare or rank our walks with anyone. He just said you follow me, don’t worry about the others. Don’t worry about all these other things, He knows.
I’ve had my share of taking my plans into my own hands with relationships, evangelism, and my calling; all of which tended to not go so well.
My last year of college I was praying for lots of people to get saved, and maybe it could have happened, but there were several problems with my plans. Three things that tend to be the problems for most American Christians: lack of self-sacrifice and discipline, and myself was a key part of the plan of people getting saved. In other words it was a good spiritual goal but at the heart it was about myself.
I did evangelism but it lacked God’s real empowering and spirit because I lacked taking time to pray and read the scripture. I did it alone too, a lone ranger is no good. I didn’t sacrifice what I really needed to accomplish what was burdened on me so that I could sharpen myself spiritually and encourage others to join me.
Secondly it was to accomplish something big, a wonderful thing to catch the attentions of many. Now who wasn’t looking for the crowds? Jesus wasn’t looking for the crowds and even said some scary things that frightened followers away when the crowds got big. The American Christian culture has adopted its mindset of success from the world in many ways–it has to be big, lots of people, and bring in lots of media/interest/money, whatever. Jesus preached to everyone but He didn’t make any stay if they didn’t want to. Jesus’ ministry was successful because he wasn’t seeking to please people but only obey and please God the father.
A strategy in the US is to throw warm bodies, plans, and money at a problem and hope that it will work. Discipline, brokenness before God, righteous living, and practical training in spiritual ministers are typically lacking. The question has to be asked where is the fruit to all the labor, time, and money spent? People are definitely still called to teach, pastor, missions, or a myriad of ministries in America and abroad, but one must ask are they qualified, or will they instead just be a misleading burden, and where is the fruit after the years of work (Side note: of course even if they aren’t qualified God can still use them)? The opposite is totally true as well, becoming so educated as becoming self-reliant and hardened to the Spirit’s leading and instead choosing to follow our own human wisdom. Are the way things being done actually being affective? Is it Spirit led? Are the heathen masses being saved? Or is it just people and money being tossed around in the middle of a program? Am I continually praying and asking for His direction?
On the day the apostles received the Spirit, Peter preached and thousands gave themselves to Jesus. It was by the work of the Spirit, but make note the Spirit was drawing on what had already been taught to them by Jesus. Jesus had been teaching him and the other disciples over a period of 40 days about His resurrection, showing them many proofs of it, and concerning the kingdom of God, which I’m sure was pretty amazing stuff (Act 1:1-3; Luke 24:45)! So after several years with Jesus and having some in-depth teaching time right before the Spirit filled them they were ready to explode and the Spirit could bring forth all that Jesus had taught them.
Sometimes the better question to ask than what is God’s will for me is what is God doing and how can I be part of it? It isn’t so much about ourselves, despite how much me, myself, and I tell myself that it is all about me, which reminds me of the need for brokenness. In the overall picture of God working through us as individuals, it is that we are all called to something different to take part in the body of Christ. Being individuals in one body working toward bringing about the kingdom of God on earth.
While in Asia I met missionary drivers. That sounds crazy, you might think. Who ever reads in a magazine about missionary drivers? Exactly, you don’t. But these are brothers that went through missions and Bible training and did their field training just like the others but would drive people about to and from things and serve. At one of the Bible Colleges I visited there was one particular brother in his mid-twenties, named Joseph, who was the kindest young man. But he was trained and had served in the field too. But looking at his job you wouldn’t say that he was a front line missionary–cleaning, preparing rooms, and serving food. But what a servant’s heart he had. He served us and also many at the Bible College, and was also part of discipling and training the students. These guys served with gratitude just to play the part they had in reaching the lost. Thousands a day are coming to Christ just through the individuals serving where they are. Insignificant as the role may seem, God is doing amazing things through our humble brothers and sisters.
So I have no idea what God has called you too but I would encourage you to analyze your life and ask God how to take up your cross and live with a sense of sacrifice right along with our brothers and sisters in Christ so that the lost may be reached.
I had wanted to be a speaker and an evangelist on the streets. I wanted to be on the frontline. But the most important question to ask is why am I doing what I am? Is it just the common practical thing to do, was it how I was trained to, told I needed to by family, friends, and coworkers, or because that is the way it has been done before? Or is it something that God has directed you to and empowered you in the Spirit to accomplish?
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