Jun 17, 2013
My entire life I’ve been searching for love and have done some pretty extreme things on this journey to find it, such as: immorality, people pleasing, and using almost every drug under the sun.
My parents dedicated me to God when I was born but my home life didn’t come close to comparing to the Christian standard. My mother was over anxious, suffered from O.C.D. and my father abandoned me at a young age. This may be the reason for my thinking that God was distant and meticulously legalistic. No one taught me the significance of the elements or the reason why I recited the Lord’s Prayer and Psalms 23 every night which caused them to become nothing more than an empty ritual. I didn’t understand or have anyone to explain the concepts of religion or life and how one should live as a child so I grew up. I also didn’t receive the teachings necessary for growth spiritually nor an aid on my journey into adulthood. I couldn’t find help at home or at school. I’ve felt very alone for the majority of my life.
I’ve looked for love, or what I thought love was, in all the wrong places. I’ve changed who I was in order to fit into my social surroundings. I’ve been a punk, prep and everything in between. This has caused me to struggle with my identity in Christ quite a bit. (Am I doing what I do because I love Jesus or because this has become a way of life?) I’ve also looked for love in both intimate and platonic relationships, unavoidably leading to separation. I was introduced to the bliss of drugs near the beginning of high school, which led me to believe that I stopped caring what people and the world thought, only to be subject to a whole new level of trying to keep up with them.
In and out of detention centers, psych wards, rehab and later jail, I became callused and numb. I started cutting in my first rehab, starting as scratches eventually needing stitches. I met a girl at this place who made me feel incredible. She was everything I could’ve asked for. Despite this, it wasn’t her that I loved; it was the way she made me feel. I ended up sabotaging the relationship in various ways. Feeling ashamed of whom I’d become, I attempted suicide. Her parents knew a place where I could get some real help: Teen Challenge. I did a little research and quickly dismissed the idea of doing a 12 month faith based residential program.
After being kicked out of my apartment, living on the streets, coming close to death while being affiliated with gang members and a few more attempts at suicide I hit bottom and started the process to become a ‘student‘ at Teen Challenge. My first program started Aug 28/09. Early October I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior with full understanding at a service held at the farm. However, my flesh wasn’t going to give up so easily. Starting my 11th month in the program I was put back to month 1 because I lacked significant heart change, mostly obedience.
Soon after, I headed back into the world thinking I was equipped with the tools to handle certain situations that later led me back into the darkness. Forgetting that my identity and acceptance was found in Christ I went back to what I knew best, trying to find it in mankind. This led me to start thinking like a Buddhist, trying to separate myself from my feelings and desires. I became very philosophical, theoretical and idealistic trying to piece life together without God, doing nothing but running around in circles. I needed someone I could count on, to guide me and teach me; someone that would always be there for me and never steer me wrong.
Jesus is that person. I never fully understood how I could get to know someone that died 2000 years ago. That’s because you can’t. Thing is though, He isn’t dead, He’s very much alive. He’s giveen me the Holy Spirit who teaches me how I can serve and be more like my Master. I used to doubt His promises and have the uncanny ability to forget what wonderful things He has done but He has proven himself to me over and over. I should be dead, quite literally a few times over, but by His grace I’m able to tell you that He is epically awesome and that his love is incredibly amazing. I’m completely baffled as to why I ever question Him or how I can forget His awesomeness even more so how I doubt His love for me. The devil is a really good liar I guess…the scriptures that talk about spiritual warfare have been made for relevant to me in the recent past it’s almost overwhelming, but His grace is sufficient.
Because of the grace, mercy and love He has so willingly given me, and because I have chosen to be a slave to righteous living, not to mention the lessons I’ve learned in obedience, I have answered the call to attend Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship. I never thought God could forgive me of so much let alone use me to help save millions or use me to further His kingdom in any way for that matter. I’ve been here for a couple months and I’ve witnessed so much faith, servant-hood, love and grace. To say the very least it is simply epic. The examples that are given to us by the staff are challenging yet encouraging and hold us to a higher standard. I’m eternally grateful to my Father for choosing me to serve in this way. I’ve been exposed to an entirely different world of which I’ve grown to love very much. I am so stoked to see what he has in store for me and my classmates this year and even more so to see the character he will develop in each of us.
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Apr 23, 2013
First of all, I just wanted to say that this blog is amazing! This is my first time blogging anything, and it definitely won’t be the last!
Alright, now to business……
For those of you who don’t know me very well, I thought it would be a good idea for me to let you know a few things about me.
My parents have been with Gospel for Asia for almost ten years now. When I was nine years old my family packed up and drove from Washington state with it’s mountains and tress, to the wide open spaces and vast horizon of Texas. We then started to serve at the Gospel For Asia office in Texas. It was quite a transition for my family, but totally worth it!
Knowing this about my family, you now know that I have grown up around the community of Gospel For Asia for over half my short life! It still boggles my mind to think about it.
While being at Gospel For Asia, I have seen many School of Discipleship students come and go. Some stay and raise their support to come on staff, and others go back home to follow the call that God placed on their lives.
As I observed the School of Discipleship students from the perspective of a staff kid, I saw young adults having fun and growing in their walk with the Lord. By the time they graduated, most had a passion and love for Jesus I wished and longed to have as well.
Now that I am a School of Discipleship student myself (at the Canadian campus), I see now that the School of Discipleship is not all fun and games. There are times of fun, don’t get me wrong. However, there are also seasons of struggles and trials. Please don’t misunderstand me, I have learned so many lessons during the couple months that I have been here. I praise the Lord for the trials because I realize that I cannot grow in my relationship with Jesus unless I die to myself daily. I am encouraged when I remember that as I go through the refining fire, I will end up as pure gold. Thank you Jesus!
I am extremely thankful to the Lord for His call to give one year of my life to serve at Gospel for Asia Canada. I now have passed the stage of Gospel For Asia staff kid to a School of Discipleship student. Praise the Lord!
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Apr 23, 2013
The Lord has definitely been trying to teach me different things since I joined as a student for Gospel for Asia‘s School of Discipleship in Canada. The staff had said that I (as a student), would have to learn to die to myself but I didn’t really think a whole lot about it until I was actually into the program. It was then that I noticed that God wanted me to give up everything! My plans, My ways of doing things, and My will is what I needed to learn to totally submit to God. Praise the Lord that He is working in my life in that area, not that I have achieved everything but I am getting there!
God has been teaching me that I need to pray more. I need to be a person that is totally devoted to praying for others and not just me. I need to be praying for the nations around me and for those in other countries. I want to have more of a passion and a burden for the lost souls around me. I never realized until I came to Gospel For Asia that there was so many people that have never heard the Gospel of Jesus being preached. They have never even heard of His Name! That’s something that was very shocking to me! I really appreciate at Gospel For Asia that they have so many prayer times together. They take the time to pray and stand in the gap for these nations. They are definitely a praying people! “Lord, help me to be more of a prayer warrior.”
Another thing that God wants to teach me is to be more encouraging to people. I have been a fairly negative person in the past but I am seeking to change that. By God’s grace I will seek to encourage others in their walk with the Lord instead of putting them down. I want others to lift me up especially when I am struggling and so I need to do that for others as well.
I believe that the Lord has so much more that He wants to teach me this year while I’m at the School of Discipleship here at Gospel For Asia. Please pray for me that I will be open to the Spirit’s leading and that He will work marvelously in my life. Pray that I will go home a changed person (for the better) and that I will become the man of God that He wants me to be.
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Oct 2, 2012
When we submit to the Lord and don’t make decisions on our own understanding, God can work in our lives in ways we wouldn’t expect! I am not saying that is will be easy. There will be trials and tribulations because it happens whether you are a Christian or not. The difference about Christianity is that from all religions, God comes down to man, instead of man trying to get to god! The one true living God is the only one who has actually shown us the example of what He expects from us.
One of the stories in the Bible that displays the life of submission is Joseph. He had dreams and decides to tell his father and his brothers that he is going to someday rule over them and this made them furious! How would you like to hear that! Joseph ends up getting beat up by his brothers and sold as a slave. Knowing the dreams he had, he doesn’t give up hope for God’s plan. Since God is the ultimate authority and has placed earthly authorities over us, Joseph submits to Potiphar and does it joyfully. Potiphar finds favor with him and allows him to take care of the whole place. Potiphar’s cunning wife comes along and so Joseph leaves the building to not be distracted – later ending up in jail, as Potiphar’s wife came up with many reasons that weren’t true. Joseph through his heart attitude of submission finds favor with the authorities because of his love for God – they see his honesty and respect. They allow him to pretty much run the place. Next Pharaoh has a dream and Joseph is able to interpret it. He is set free after 13 years from jail and later becomes the priminister for 43 years! Through submission to God’s authorities, even though they weren’t perfect, (they are accountable to God), so we need to just obey and submit with our hearts, unless it is sinning against God. Joseph submitted with a good attitude so God blessed him by having him become the priminister! This whole time he knew he was supposed to be a leader but he had to go through a process of humbling in order to be fit for the job! Submission brings testing and trials but through it all God is molding us into who He has made us to be, and the only way to experience His blessing upon our lives!
The story of David is quite amazing, as God sees his heart in how he handles a little – such as herding sheep, God blesses him through this and later he becomes a King! God told Samuel to anoint David as King because Saul wasn’t submissive – he offered a sacrifice without waiting for Samuel and that was disobedience. Even knowing he is going to become King he faithfully serves Saul; plays his harp and becomes his armor-bearer. Next David kills Goliath and Saul becomes jealous as the focus of everyone is now on David. Saul ends up getting an army together trying to kill David. This went on for years, and through it all he still respected Saul’s authority, even the times he could have killed him, he chose not to, even when his friends were telling him to. David didn’t let outside negative influences run his life, rather his creator, God! Saul’s heart softened when he realized David’s respect towards him.
The life of Jesus and the others in the Bible like Joseph and David show us that we can live godly lives on earth, as long as Christ is the center! Submission isn’t being a doormat but rather we are able to use our skills and abilities God has given us, and use them in the most effective way. Only through submission can God work through us and use our strength for His greater purpose and our spirits are filled. Be open and patient; allow God to direct you in life even when it doesn’t make sense, He never gives us more than we can handle. We can stand against the schemes of the enemy no matter how much we are tempted. Jesus was tempted and that isn’t sin, sin happens when we give in to our wrong emotions and thoughts. We can overcome the strongholds in our lives through the power that Christ gives us!
When I heard of The School of Discipleship, I thought that this would be the last place I would choose. In my own reasoning it didn’t make sense because I kept more to myself which makes me not used to hanging around people. I did not like computers, homework, reading, written assignments, and I have health problems. Literally everything was going to be a challenge, but I was going if God wanted me to. I realized that God spoke though my parents who encouraged me to go. Seeing it through His perspective I realized that at the School of Discipleship, I am able to get discipled, study scripture, His life, and reach out to the lost people of this world in ways I could never have done if I went anywhere else! It is amazing how much peace He has given me away from home, as that was a struggle I thought I would not be able to overcome. My health is actually doing much better, and He is providing in so many ways! It’s not exactly fun or easy, but my spirit is filled, and I know I am where God wants me to be; He always has the best in mind!
Through being at the School of Discipleship, He has also given me a better understanding about what it means to know more of who I am in Christ. It is accepting and loving our weaknesses! If we desire God’s will for our lives, only in our weaknesses will we succeed so much more! The reason why is because then we are humble, having to rely more on Him, and His will is accomplished. This way God will be glorified. The kind person God is looking for is someone with a joyful attitude of submission, and this is how we can be used in a powerful way! When we honor God He will honor and bless us (1 Samuel 2:30b).
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Sep 17, 2012
It is so cool that through letting go of self-things, allowing God to lead and focusing on Him throughout the day, He reveals so much to me unexpectedly! (Not only here but last year as well) One is about prayer. The only point of it is because He wants to see if we desire Him more than anything and will trust Him, even though it doesn’t make sense. God knows everything but allows us to make that decision to be disciplined. You may have had a question such as “God knows everything so why does it matter what we do?” The answer is trust. We won’t know everything. He made us and He made this Universe, He is closer to us than our own feelings! Everything comes down to faith; we must not try to reason everything out. In the case of living for God, most things won’t make sense; if it did we would not be living by faith. Faith and God must go together.
James 5:15 “And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.” Prayer is so we can grow in our faith and fellowship with Christ.
1 Samuel 7:3b “Rid yourselves of the foreign gods … and commit yourselves to the Lord and serve him only, and He will deliver you out of the hands of the Philistines.” How we live in this world shows who our god is, whether money, our body, stomach, time, or God Himself. Our faithfulness on earth determines our rewards in Heaven, not that is what we live for, it’s not about religion; that is works. But rather being repentant and in all we do is in our love for God.
Another thing He has revealed to me is a deeper meaning of living by faith. It is continually walking in the unknown as God leads. Faith is the unexpected, if we are not living by faith or continually walking out of our comfort zone for God we have not totally accepted what He has done on the cross. Christ died on the cross to set us free from our sins. Disobedience is sin, so when we choose not to be open we are disobedient. We are disobedient and unwilling to be open because we don’t know what the outcome is so we are fearful and worried. Accepting what Christ has done for us at the cross, rising from death to life, means we will be open and obey His Spirits’ leading, because we trust for His best outcome and that He will protect us no matter how uncertain it looks and seems. We can trust Him because He has made us. Only in Him will our souls be filled.
He suffered so we will too, if we are truly following Christ. The Bible tells us that we are to consider it a privilege to suffer for the Lord (see Philippians 1:29). Only then can we experience the quenching thirst that is within each one of us. The question is not whether I want to live by faith, as this life seems difficult, rather it’s what God our Creator wants. He knows us better than anyone and it isn’t fair to make a decision without asking Him and choosing His ways.
When I am confused or anxious, I remind myself to be patient and allow God to lead. Since I know I can trust God and that I want to love Him more than anything, times like these I experience Him in such a precious way. Even though it hurts inside, He knows what is best for me. He sees the future; I don’t, so my intimacy draws near to Him! And he gives me a burden and a heart to pray for others. I just say, “Holy Spirit take over, God has a great plan for my life.” There is no place I would rather be then in the arms of God.
When we live out what we’ve learned, our memories improve. The same is true of spiritual memories. 2 Peter 1:1-10 Peter urges believers to live out what they have learned, he warns us that if we neglect spiritual disciplines we forget what Christ has done and live inconsistently. This only makes it harder to get back on track. So instead of doing our own things, wait so you don’t need to go through the extra struggle, reaping what you sow. Rather be patient in the Lord and realize even though it looks “greener on the other side” most often it’s not. Especially if we aren’t patient because then we rush into things on our own and God is not in the center, which causes more problems on our side. Besides discipline is love, so when the Lord disciplines us it just means He loves us 🙂
We need to also be careful with what we say. I am a quiet person and open with my life. God has been showing me to wait on Him before I speak. We will have many thoughts, as that is where the battle takes place, but we need to keep our thoughts captive and allow God to show us the right thinking. We can say a lot, but our thoughts are all over the place, so “… Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” James 1:19. Often when we are frustrated about ourselves, others, or just confused, we say all that we are thinking. When we do we get more frustrated because we are not letting go of negative thoughts. What we speak will either build us up or bring us down. We make it more difficult for ourselves when we speak up right away, so we need to slow down and wait on the Lord.
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