I Am Undone by His Grace

My entire life I’ve been searching for love and have done some pretty extreme things on this journey to find it, such as: immorality, people pleasing, and using almost every drug under the sun.

My parents dedicated me to God when I was born but my home life didn’t come close to comparing to the Christian standard. My mother was over anxious, suffered from O.C.D. and my father abandoned me at a young age. This may be the reason for my thinking that God was distant and meticulously legalistic. No one taught me the significance of the elements or the reason why I recited the Lord’s Prayer and Psalms 23 every night which caused them to become nothing more than an empty ritual. I didn’t understand or have anyone to explain the concepts of religion or life and how one should live as a child so I grew up. I also didn’t receive the teachings necessary for growth spiritually nor an aid on my journey into adulthood. I couldn’t find help at home or at school. I’ve felt very alone for the majority of my life.

I’ve looked for love, or what I thought love was, in all the wrong places. I’ve changed who I was in order to fit into my social surroundings. I’ve been a punk, prep and everything in between. This has caused me to struggle with my identity in Christ quite a bit. (Am I doing what I do because I love Jesus or because this has become a way of life?) I’ve also looked for love in both intimate and platonic relationships, unavoidably leading to separation. I was introduced to the bliss of drugs near the beginning of high school, which led me to believe that I stopped caring what people and the world thought, only to be subject to a whole new level of trying to keep up with them.

In and out of detention centers, psych wards, rehab and later jail, I became callused and numb. I started cutting in my first rehab, starting as scratches eventually needing stitches. I met a girl at this place who made me feel incredible. She was everything I could’ve asked for. Despite this, it wasn’t her that I loved; it was the way she made me feel. I ended up sabotaging the relationship in various ways. Feeling ashamed of whom I’d become, I attempted suicide. Her parents knew a place where I could get some real help: Teen Challenge. I did a little research and quickly dismissed the idea of doing a 12 month faith based residential program.

After being kicked out of my apartment, living on the streets, coming close to death while being affiliated with gang members and a few more attempts at suicide I hit bottom and started the process to become a ‘student‘ at Teen Challenge. My first program started Aug 28/09. Early October I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior with full understanding at a service held at the farm. However, my flesh wasn’t going to give up so easily. Starting my 11th month in the program I was put back to month 1 because I lacked significant heart change, mostly obedience.

Soon after, I headed back into the world thinking I was equipped with the tools to handle certain situations that later led me back into the darkness. Forgetting that my identity and acceptance was found in Christ I went back to what I knew best, trying to find it in mankind. This led me to start thinking like a Buddhist, trying to separate myself from my feelings and desires. I became very philosophical, theoretical and idealistic trying to piece life together without God, doing nothing but running around in circles. I needed someone I could count on, to guide me and teach me; someone that would always be there for me and never steer me wrong.

Jesus is that person. I never fully understood how I could get to know someone that died 2000 years ago. That’s because you can’t. Thing is though, He isn’t dead, He’s very much alive. He’s giveen me the Holy Spirit who teaches me how I can serve and be more like my Master. I used to doubt His promises and have the uncanny ability to forget what wonderful things He has done but He has proven himself to me over and over. I should be dead, quite literally a few times over, but by His grace I’m able to tell you that He is epically awesome and that his love is incredibly amazing. I’m completely baffled as to why I ever question Him or how I can forget His awesomeness even more so how I doubt His love for me. The devil is a really good liar I guess…the scriptures that talk about spiritual warfare have been made for relevant to me in the recent past it’s almost overwhelming, but His grace is sufficient.

Because of the grace, mercy and love He has so willingly given me, and because I have chosen to be a slave to righteous living, not to mention the lessons I’ve learned in obedience, I have answered the call to attend Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship. I never thought God could forgive me of so much let alone use me to help save millions or use me to further His kingdom in any way for that matter. I’ve been here for a couple months and I’ve witnessed so much faith, servant-hood, love and grace. To say the very least it is simply epic. The examples that are given to us by the staff are challenging yet encouraging and hold us to a higher standard. I’m eternally grateful to my Father for choosing me to serve in this way. I’ve been exposed to an entirely different world of which I’ve grown to love very much. I am so stoked to see what he has in store for me and my classmates this year and even more so to see the character he will develop in each of us.

                       

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Up In Canada Land

First of all, I just wanted to say that this blog is amazing! This is my first time blogging anything, and it definitely won’t be the last!

Alright, now to business……

For those of you who don’t know me very well, I thought it would be a good idea for me to let you know a few things about me.

My parents  have been with Gospel for Asia for almost ten years now. When I was nine years old my family packed up and drove from Washington state with it’s mountains and tress, to the wide open spaces and vast horizon of Texas. We then started to serve at the Gospel For Asia office in Texas. It was quite a transition for my family, but totally worth it!

Knowing this about my family, you now know that I have grown up around the community of Gospel For Asia for over half my short life! It still boggles my mind to think about it.

While being at Gospel For Asia, I have seen many School of Discipleship students come and go. Some stay and raise their support to come on staff, and others go back home to follow the call that God placed on their lives.

As I observed the School of Discipleship students from the perspective of a staff kid, I saw young adults having fun and growing in their walk with the Lord. By the time they graduated, most had a passion and love for Jesus I wished and longed to have as well.

Now that I am a School of Discipleship student myself (at the Canadian campus), I see now that the School of Discipleship is not all fun and games. There are times of fun, don’t get me wrong. However, there are also seasons of struggles and trials. Please don’t misunderstand me, I have learned so many lessons during the couple months that I have been here. I praise the Lord for the trials because I realize that I cannot grow in my relationship with Jesus unless I die to myself daily. I am encouraged when I remember that as I go through the refining fire, I will end up as pure gold. Thank you Jesus!

I am extremely thankful to the Lord for His call to give one year of my life to serve at Gospel for Asia Canada. I now have passed the stage of Gospel For Asia staff kid to a School of Discipleship student. Praise the Lord!

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Pray Praying and Pray Some More

SD Orientation 031

The Lord has definitely been trying to teach me different things since I joined as a student for Gospel for Asia‘s School of Discipleship in Canada. The staff had said that I (as a student), would have to learn to die to myself but I didn’t really think a whole lot about it until I was actually into the program. It was then that I noticed that God wanted me to give up everything! My plans, My ways of doing things, and My will is what I needed to learn to totally submit to God. Praise the Lord that He is working in my life in that area, not that I have achieved everything but I am getting there!

God has been teaching me that I need to pray more. I need to be a person that is totally devoted to praying for others and not just me. I need to be praying for the nations around me and for those in other countries. I want to have more of a passion and a burden for the lost souls around me. I never realized until I came to Gospel For Asia that there was so many people that have never heard the Gospel of Jesus being preached. They have never even heard of His Name! That’s something that was very shocking to me! I really appreciate at Gospel For Asia that they have so many prayer times together. They take the time to pray and stand in the gap for these nations. They are definitely a praying people! “Lord, help me to be more of a prayer warrior.”

Another thing that God wants to teach me is to be more encouraging to people. I have been a fairly negative person in the past but I am seeking to change that. By God’s grace I will seek to encourage others in their walk with the Lord instead of putting them down. I want others to lift me up especially when I am struggling and so I need to do that for others as well.

I believe that the Lord has so much more that He wants to teach me this year while I’m at the School of Discipleship here at Gospel For Asia. Please pray for me that I will be open to the Spirit’s leading and that He will work marvelously in my life. Pray that I will go home a changed person (for the better) and that I will become the man of God that He wants me to be.

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The Worst Thing

This week the latest School of Discipleship class graduated.  It got me to thinking about my year and everything that went on.  Things were definitely challenging throughout the year. You definitely have to die to yourself, (you think they were joking when they put that on the brochure?) you have to follow a fairly strict schedule, you have to be disciplined…but the worst thing was having to go away. If I could have every one of my friends go throught the School of Discipleship I would. It was an amazing experience that I’ll never forget and an awesome time of growth, and the graduation made me think of the toughest ones.  Besides one failure, the worst thing was was saying goodbye to those at Gospel For Asia.

Top 5 things about being in the School of Discipleship

  1. Being taught how to live like Jesus by seeing the example of older brothers and sisters in the Lord.
  2. Times of worship, including personal prayer and Bible reading, as well as corporate prayer and worship through teaching and music.
  3. The community of believers that surround you – insta-family!
  4. Going to Asia and seeing the mission field!  (Boy, that’s too much to try to explain in one bullet point.)
  5. Class room times, home work, etc.  (The theory is taught and you see how it works in those around you.)

So, as I was saying, the hardest part was leaving.  When I thought about writing this I then realized that it’s also one of the best things because as much as God loves putting us through those seasons of teaching, He wants us to continue to grow because it’s our choice.  We can do things because we have homework assignments or because we really want to.  When you graduate and go home you get to really choose who you’re going to do those things for.

But good news!  Not everyone has to leave. 🙂  I’m glad to know that many of this past class will be coming back on full time staff.  Congratulations January class of 2012!

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Seeing through Jesus’ Eyes!

What did you learn on the vision tour? 

Visiting South Asia really opened my eyes to what it means to live a life committed to Christ. Without realizing it, I had been like Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5, claiming to give my life to God, but all the while holding back a portion for my control, to do with it what I wanted to do. Talking to our brothers and sisters on the field opened my eyes to see that Jesus called us to give Him our ALL. The cool thing is He gives us back so much more than our all—He gives us Himself. There is SO much joy in following Jesus. I want Him to have ALL of me. – Anna

What impacted you?

The people are beautiful. In the beginning of our trip, I was overwhelmed by looking at the masses as I tried to see each of them as Christ does. He took the time to create each of them exactly as He wanted, and He knows even the secret thoughts of their hearts. They are known, intimately, but they don’t know this. “What a tragedy!” my heart cried. And then I saw our brothers and sisters who have committed their lives to sharing this incredible truth. Their eyes sparkle with warmth. Their smiles are so inviting. Indeed, even their feet are lovely (Romans 10:15). Instantly, my heart was comforted and my peace returned. These missionaries are simple people with struggles, feelings and desires just like me, yet their love for Jesus and faith in Him gives them eyes to see beyond this life. The work the Lord is doing through them is utterly astounding. There is so much hope because of Jesus! I am very thankful for the national missionaries. I want to be just like them. – Elizabeth

How were you encouraged? 

One thing that really encouraged me were the national missionaries. Their prayer life is so radical. They pray based on who God is, not on who we are. If someone is sick, they simply lay their hand on the person, bow their head, and say, “I declare healing in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.” And move on. Their trust in God is so simple and honest. Like a child. – Elizabeth

Share your story

Jesus loves you.” I have probably heard those three words hundreds of times during the course of my life. Have I taken those three precious words for granted? Unfortunately, yes.

I am now able to take those three words and apply them to every person in Asia. Half of the world does not know those three words and we have the privilege to tell them. I was able to see the hope that Jesus’ love brings when I looked at our brothers and sisters in Asia. I was able to see Jesus’ love in the children’s smiles. I was able to understand how Jesus takes us, who were once abandoned, hopeless and filthy, and changes us into something beautiful. When I think of all the transformation going on in Asia and how so many people are coming to know Jesus I often think of the metamorphosis of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. We lived completely different lives before the Lord chose us and turned us into new creations.

At the Bridge of Hope center, two girls danced to a song about butterflies and God’s glory. They spread their wings (arms) during the dance, and it brought tears to my eyes to see them as once in bondage in the slums, but now, because of Jesus, they are free to fly. It gave me much hope that every child in the slums and in Asia will have their own set of wings in God’s timing.

The love that the Lord has for us remains a mystery, but there is no doubt it is powerful and has the ability to change people. I would like to pray that all of Asia would know of Jesus’ love and that as a family of Christ, we would be reminded daily of His great love that He has for us, and that we grow intimately in love with Him. – Nikki

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Congratulations to All The Students Who Graduated!

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:17-18

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