Love Love Love and More Love!

“If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” -1 John 4:20.

How many times I have heard this, I cannot even begin to count. At School of Discipleship I think one of the key things taught here is love.  Before coming here, I would read verses like these and say to myself  “this doesn’t apply to me because I do love.” How do I know I love? Well, because I certainly don’t hate. I serve my family (only when they ask), I am patient with my little sister (only when she does what I say), I’m an encouragement when others around me are feeling down (only if I feel good or ‘up to it’).  You get the point and the list goes on.  Shortly after I got here to School of Discipleship, we read one one of Gospel for Asia’s required reading called The Calvary Road and the author Roy Hession specifically states that anything that is not love is hate…..when I read that my whole world turned upside down. I realized I have not been loving anyone AT ALL. I realized this, but I still justified myself and kind of brushed it off my shoulders.

Recently, God has humbled me and shown me yet again how I have not been loving those around me, therefore, I have not been loving Christ.  The fact that I have not been loving the God who saved me from a life of death has broken me and hurt my heart so much.  Recently, I have had quite a few instances where people have come up to me and told me how I hurt them by my words, tone, and actions.  In the end all I wanted to do was go hide and say “I am not coming out of my closet until my year here is done — I refuse to talk or give advice because all I do is hurt people.”  Only by His grace has He changed my heart because of my willingness to want to love others.

After all these experiences, I had to ask myself, “what is love anyway?”  According to the Word of God love is patient, kind, does not envy, is not boastful, conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, not provoked, does not keep any record of wrong (that was hard for me to read), finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. (1 Cor. 13:4-7).

When the Lord showed me this verse (which is the complete definition of who He is and what true love is), I was so broken because too be honest I didn’t see any of this in myself.  I am not patient or kind, I love to keep records of wrongs…and so many other things.  I realized that I have not been loving any of my brothers or sisters, this way.  As the Lord was showing me all this, my flesh wanted to run and hide, but my Spirit was saying “repent to all those whom you have not loved, and let Me get you through by My grace.” As I heard this from the Lord, this is exactly what I did.  I asked a lot of people for their forgiveness and still have more people to ask. I will tell you though, that by me obeying and submitting to the Lord, I have so much freedom!!!

I am so challenged here, not just during the time I am at Gospel for Asia’s office, but more so in my daily living, especially in my apartment with the three others girls I have to live with.  I don’t believe I ever knew what true love was until I came here to School of Discipleship, and to be honest, I still don’t know what it is. What I do know is that God is love and only by Him can I love others with the perfect love we all should be loving one another with.

I am so happy that the living God loved me enough to show me this area in my life that has lacked so greatly because it is a HUGE deal! I was lying saying I loved God when I couldn’t even love those around me.  I am still learning this and striving to live it out each day, but only with Jesus Christ ruling my life.  The second I decide to do it in my own strength, I fail. I have to consistently choose to remain in Him.  Love is not something that the Lord has just given me I have to choose each second to love because love is a choice, and as I choose this it becomes more and more natural.

I pray that as I continue this journey here at Gospel for Asia‘s School of Discipleship , I will choose to love everyone with a pure heart because I desire to love, honor, and please my Lord.

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Dry Bones

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6

I was at Gospel For Asia for a week of interviews. I was confident I was ready to be on staff. Thursday morning I was praying, and God said “Wait.” “Wait? For what? I’ve been waiting for over six months already.”

I went into my last interview with David and he asked me how I felt. I answered “I feel like God is telling me to wait a little longer to get some more life skills.” This answer was not easy. In fact, the whole day I cried about it. I felt like God had abandoned me though, in reality He was a lot closer than I felt at the time.

When I got home, my parents were getting all over me for my decision, just as upset as I felt.

The next couple of weeks were tough. Satan kept on taunting me for the decision, even though my parents came to realize I had made the right decision. I honestly did not feel that way at the time.

During this time God had to keep on reminding that He is in control not me. There were a couple of verses that kept on popping up at the time. The first one was Philippians 3:12-13, where Paul writes about pressing on and keeping our eyes on Jesus despite our difficulties. The other one was Philippians 4, where Paul writes about bringing our prayers to God.

Almost immediately I started looking for jobs. I applied for one job, and I got a rejection letter.

The second job I applied for at a nursing home to do food service. I got an interview for this job.

I was in church this past Sunday, and the pastor did a sermon on Ezekiel 37:1-14 about the valley of dry bones. He talked about how when things seem hopeless God comes and renews us by His spirit. The past two weeks I had felt like a bunch of dry bones walking around. I didn’t know what God wanted me to do next and nothing seemed to be happening.

On Wednesday of this past week, I got a call from the employer from the nursing home I applied for. She wanted to know if I had a third reference, since she couldn’t get a hold of my references. I gave her a name and she said she would call me back after getting a hold of the reference. That same afternoon, I got a phone call asking me to do a drug test the next morning, which I agreed to do.

A few hours after the drug test, I got a phone call. I didn’t get it till around 4:20 when my mom came home because I was in the pool.

I called back once I got it, and found out I was hired for the job at the nursing home.

It is amazing how God has been working this past month. God has taught me so much about contentment and what it means to seek Him.

God knows all our needs and will provide for them in his timing. We just have to continue to seek His kingdom before anything else.

I am thankful to God, because he has given me a job I never expected to have and I’ll get to share His love with the nursing home residents.


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Me and My Yellow and Pink Socks

My days are now full of family activities such as sledding, shoveling the snow from the driveway, and other things like raising my support to join staff at Gospel for Asia.  Life is a roller coaster for sure.  One moment I’m on the top of the world and the next I’m discouraged; wanting to climb in my bed and pull the covers over my head till the whole world dissolves. Today was actually a really good day till the afternoon but between lack of sleep and a few other stress factors I again got to the point where I wanted to hide from everyone. I cried a while  and then looked through some pictures trying to find something that could help me not feel so gloomy.  A picture of my family years ago… maybe just a goofy picture of my brothers and me.  This is the one I found.

This is me the day I got the call saying I was accepted for the School of Discipleship.  I was so excited that I ran outside in my socks to tell my brother who was taking pictures in the front yard.  I’m not really fond of how I look in the photo but tonight it meant everything to me.  It was remembering that God has specifically called me to do this job.  He chose me to be in School of Discipleship and He chose me to keep serving by joining staff.  I was more confident of God’s calling at this moment than I had ever been in my life and I felt a very similar (and maybe even greater) joy when I was sure God wanted me to join staff.  So looking at the picture I had to ask myself what is different about life that makes me feel down in the dumps as opposed to skipping around in the dirt.  Well it’s not God that’s changed and I’m sure that His call hasn’t changed either.  The only thing that keeps changing are my emotions.  But no matter what I do, or how I feel He is – and will always be – the same.  That’s something I can bank on.  He won’t let me down and He won’t let you down either.

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God Rocked My World!

What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?
Psalm 8:4 KJV


I find myself asking this question today. What is my life, and who am I that God cares for me? I have done nothing good in my entire life apart from Jesus Christ. I find my thoughts consistent with Paul’s in Philippians 3:7-14: Everything that I used to hold onto and count as precious to me has practically turned into garbage compared to the glorious riches in Jesus Christ. For my first few days as a new student, I was completely shaken because my whole life since graduating college has been completely emerged in sin. I felt like an imposter being here. How and why would Jesus, the God of the Universe call me to give my life to Him? And why here at Gospel for Asia?

My whole life has earned me nothing but the wrath of God. Every “good” word and deed I’ve ever spoken and done have done nothing but store God’s wrath against me on the Day of Judgement. But after all of that, Jesus came and changed everything.

When did I start loving people? How are my passions the COMPLETE opposite of what they once were? I’m going to heaven? This is so hard to accept. But I believe Jesus. I believe God’s Word. While I was yet God’s enemy, He sent His son to take the punishment that I deserved for every crime that I’ve ever committed against God. The punishment for every single lie I’ve ever told, every object I’ve stolen, every woman I’ve lusted after, every ounce of anger that used to bubble in my being, every idol that I worshipped, every idle word and every curse against man and God that I’ve sputtered out of my mouth has all been taken from me and placed on Jesus’ shoulders. The love of God led me to faith and repentance, and I am now forgiven. I am forgiven because Jesus took my place.

Now, the only rational response is to abandon everything for this amazing King. The only decision that makes any sense at all in the light of this hilariously good news is to forget all of my dreams of “success” and to give up every fleeting pleasure on this earth in exchange for the only thing that will not burn away when all is said and done: The Kingdom of God. I can’t take ANYTHING with me when I die, so why not store up that which is waiting for me on the other side? God has made me a new man. He saw something in me and decided to call me His own.

Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!


May the whole world hear this beautiful news and know this same God that has rocked my world. Woe unto me if I preach not the Gospel.

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A Mushy Happenstance

It was the day before my bestest friend was coming back from Canada and I was super excited. Like most nights that week, I was headed over to hang with some friends of mine and I invited one of my roommates along as well. We were to bring drinks over, so a quick stop at TomThumb was necessary. As we perused the isles for some liquid to quench our thirst I had no idea that my car would be attacked. Attacked?? Well, here’s what happened. A family from Gospel For Asia had some ingredients for all night prayer that we had that Friday night and didn’t use. They weren’t sure what to do with the mushy corn, so they were going to take it home I believe. Little did they know my car would be conveniently unattended at TomThumb, so they disposed of the corn there.

From my perspective however, my roommate and I came out to find two packets of frozen corn from Target wedged between the antenna and the front door of my car. What?! Target brand corn, at TomThumb… on my car? Where in the world did this come from? And my windsheild wipers were up too… so strange! Who could have done this? and EW! The corn isn’t frozen! it’s all mushy and gross!! Anyway, I continued on my way and told the my friends what had happened. I ended up throwing the corn out, but was confused for a few days after that. Later  however, the Gospel For Asia family confessed on my Facebook that it was them who placed the corn. Which was a great relief to my cornfused mind. 🙂

So, that was my mushy happenstance! Hope you enjoyed it!

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Making a Wish and Blowing Out My Candles

When I was a young girl I planned my life and was certain that by the time I was 25 years old I’d be married with four kids and succeeding in a career. Now that I have reached 25, I can testify to the truth of the statement, “God can do far more than what we can ever imagine.” I am so happy that God doesn’t take direction from me! His plan is a perfect, holy, blameless plan with a purpose greater than we know.

I am not married yet, but I have found a LOVE more beautiful and perfect than I have ever or will ever deserve! As I grow in my faith, my outlook on life and my purpose in it is unbending. A once panoramic perspective of me, myself and I has become a vast vertical vision of Jesus, His suffering children and the passion to uplift them.

I once thought it was impossible to know a mother’s love unless you actually were a mom. God proved to me otherwise when He blessed me with the opportunity to love and be loved by hundreds of underprivileged children in Asia. I have begun to understand a mother’s connection with her children. It is something of divine essence that is just so difficult to describe in words, songs, or poetry. I experienced the unfeigned sacrifice, or at least the inclination of it, to add to them even just a single trace of joy, safety, peace, and everything else righteous that a child deserves.

My idea of success now transcends all of life’s preconceptions, notions, and ideologies. I am nothing but a season, a chance that soon will pass. I’ve learned that success is not determined by how much I can accumulate, how great a name I can make for myself, or how high I can climb the ladder. Success is determined by the choices I make every day that will influence whether I am storing up the fleeting things of this world, or living in the light of eternity.

Growing up, I used to wish for lovely shiny things for my birthday. Now my only “wish” this year is to see progress toward the fulfillment of the vision God has placed on my heart: for underprivileged, orphan, and abandoned children in Asia to be raised up in God’s love and become the future leaders for His kingdom work. Please help make my “birthday wish” come true by spending a few minutes in prayer for the underprivileged children in Asia today!

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