“…and another year goes by…”

I remember when I landed in Texas on August 17th, 2012, after a long flight from my hometown Boise, ID. I got off the plane, my eyes red from crying most of the flight over (after an emotional goodbye with my family and best friend), and made my way to the baggage claim. I got a text from my house mentor, someone I had never met and only talked to on the phone briefly, and told her I was short and wearing an orange shirt. She found me and I remember walking out of the airport and being smacked in the face with the heat and humidity that makes mid-August infamous in Texas for. The drive to my apartment was so much to take in. The sky felt so huge…and I realized that’s because there were no mountains. Everything was flat. And brown. I remember thinking, ok, Lord, here I am sacrificing this year to You like You asked. Let’s get it over with so I can get on with the life I’ve dreamed of having – being a pilot in the Air Force, maybe studying Journalism, and eventually becoming a missionary pilot (long down the road, that is).

Here I am, nearly a year later, still disliking Texas and the heat as much as when I first came, but so thankful for the year I’ve had here and so completely changed by the Lord that I’ll be coming back to live here and serve as a full-time staff member of Gospel For Asia for as long as the Lord wills me to. Isn’t that crazy? Tell me this is where I would be a year ago and I would have smacked you! Just kidding. But seriously, when you buckle down and seek the Lord’s will – actually desire to know what HE wants for you, not what YOU would like Him to want for you – surprising things are going to happen. You might just have to give up dreams you’ve cherished since you were tiny. You might have to give up comforts, like living in an area of the country that is absolutely beautiful and perfect to go to one that nearly kills you with its humidity and heat and insanely large insects. You might have to accept the fact that you won’t be around for as many family holidays as you would like…you might miss important family milestones and even feel a bit lonely, seperated from the people you’ve lived with and loved all your life.

It’s different for each person, but giving things up comes with picking up your cross and following our Savior. Does that sound depressing? It’s difficult, yes. But when I understand that the desires of my heart are now irreversably entwined with the desires the Lord has for me, and when I dwell on His incredible love, and how like in Colossians 2:9-10 I am complete only in Him, and chapter 3:3, my life is hidden with Christ, and He is now my life, then my perspective changes and there is nothing I would rather be doing than following where He leads.

Home is with Him. That’s one thing I’ve learned this year. If He calls me to Antarctica it would be all right, because He is with me in Antarctica and I am fulfilling the purpose He created me for by obeying Him.

Spending a year here at Gospel For Asia’s School of Discipleship has taught me a marvelous paradox…to obtain freedom, I must become a slave. To experiance life to the fullest, I must die – only in sacrifice will I gain my heart’s desire. Prayer is the most powerful weapon given to mankind – the ability to enter the presence of the Lord God Almighty and to intercede before His throne. Fellowship and transparency with the body of believers is vital to spiritual growth. Brokenness and submission are worthy goals I will be striving all my life to attain. And the greatest of all is LOVE.

As my year here ends, so does this chapter of my life. But the full story, the great adventure, is just beginning.

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Yo Yo Yo Fear Not!

There are SO many different types, or facets, of fear…there’s the fear that comes to me when I see a spider crawling towards me, the fear that grips me when I know I’ve done something wrong and must suffer the consequencs, the fear when I know I need to do something but I’m scared of what will happen after…the fear of losing someone I love, or of leaving someone or something that I love, the fear of change and fear of the unknown.

This year I’ve been faced with my fears in those areas and more – and let me tell you, my knee-jerk reaction is to curl up in a corner and plug my ears and shut my eyes and wait till things are “better” again…even if means avoiding and prolonging the inevitable. But the Lord has shown me that not only is that EXTREMELY unhealthy for my sanity and sense of reality, it’s dangerous to my spiritual growth and my relationship with Him.

You see, when I choose to allow the strong emotion of fear to creep up my backbone, it means I’m not trusting God. I’m not trusting the Creator who made me with brown eyes and brown hair and size 7.5 feet. Who knows every hair on my head. Who has kept track of every tear I’ve ever cried. Who has written the story of my life and knows how it (and I) will end.

Okay, yeah yeah, we’ve all heard this…do not fear, trust in God. But it isn’t easy, is it? When you’re in the moment, it’s insanely easy to accept that fear without thinking twice about it. It’s naturaly to us. Because we are naturally fearful and untrusting creatures. And that’s where Christ comes in!! Because of His death on the cross for our sins, He delivered us from sin and that includes the sin giving into fleshly fears and not trusting God. As believers with the Spirit of God living within us, we HAVE the power to not fear. We have the power to choose to trust God.

I’m reminded of Ruth. I just love her story! She chose to enter a life full of unknowns and potential uh-oh’s, and she did it boldly. Yeah, maybe she was nervous, but I don’t think she was fearful, at least not from what the Bible says. She put her trust in the Lord, and He pulled through for her. Because He’s God…He isn’t like a mischievous sibling who says he’s going to catch you when you jump off the steps and then backs up and lets you fall at the last second. Yet we act like He’s that way all the time.

So, next time you’re in a situation where fear is threatening to cloud your mind and overcome you with stress and doubts and what-if’s, hold onto the promises of the Lord – hold on to TRUTH when the enemy wants you to believe lies. Truths like He will never leave you or forsake you (Deut. 31:8) (Heb 13:5), and Psalm 139, where David talks about how intimately the Lord knows us and protects us. Psalm 23 – our good Shepherd is with us even in the valley of the shadow of death. It takes a conscious effort on our part, for sure! But it is possible to live a life free from fear. Except, of course, when it comes to spiders…in my case at least. 😛

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