Aug 28, 2012
Wow, it has already been 6 months as a student here at Gospel for Asia School of Discipleship! The Lord is teaching me so many things and He is also encouraging me! I think the biggest thing the Lord is encouraging me to do is to keep following, pursuing and seeking Him no matter how I feel. I think this is the absolute hardest thing for me to do because when I am emotional and don’t know why (and even when I do know why) I just want to hide and get away from everyone. Now if I chose to rely and act on what my emotions said, I would probably be back home. Making the decision to rely in faith on the Lord’s promises, is so hard for me, but once I do it I feel better because when I read His Word I truly trust what He says. There have been times however, when I read God’s Word and didn’t feel any different afterwards — this is where faith comes in.
Hebrews 11:1 says “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see” (NLT). This verse explains it perfectly. When my emotions decide to take over; immediately faith needs to step in. I have to have confidence that what I hope to happen (which would be that the feelings go away and ultimately that His perfect, good, pleasing will would be done so He may be glorified) and by hoping this will actually happen I can be so assured that it will happen. I know the Lord and He promises to answer the cries of His righteous ones, to deliver, and give them such perfect peace for those who choose to trust Him and keep their thoughts fixed on Him (Isa. 26:3). He also promises us that when we seek Him with all our hearts, we will find Him (Deut. 4:29) He is not going to hide Himself from us. He doesn’t desire us to stay on an emotional roller coaster for the rest of our lives! He came to give life and to give it more abundantly! (John. 10:10).
I find this so encouraging that the Lord showed me this because it really is so important to this Christian life. I mean think of one who is in the position of leadership. Don’t you think there are days when they just feel like giving up and not leading anymore? I mean those in leadership have so many different tasks to do, decisions to make and there not always easy decisions, and they most importantly have to shepherd their flock like Jesus calls them too. If they decided to just give up and stop leading because that’s what their feelings were telling them, I don’t think we would have any leaders in the world, and I know Gospel for Asia would not still be in existence.
The Lord has shown me I have to train my emotions. Whenever I feel them coming up and taking over I have to immediately go to the Lord and ask for faith. And all I need is faith as small as a mustard seed to move mountains. (Matthew 17:20) God has used so many people in my life, especially here at Gospel for Asia to remind me that my emotions and heart are very deceitful above all else (Jer. 17:9) and I need to put my faith in the Lord’s promises. The president of Gospel for Asia, K.P. Yohannan reminds us all of this very often. We need to be reminded because emotions are nothing we can hope in and make decisions based upon.
I think back in my life before School of Discipleship when I used to make so many decisions based on my emotions and every single time, it turned into a huge mess. I remember receiving a text, e-mail, or phone call from someone who made me so angry and instead of taking it to the Lord I decided to react and I ended up really hurting that person and caused them to view God not as a loving God but as an angry God because I called myself a Christian. I praise God that He has been so gracious to me and grown me very much in this area of my life! I also praise God for even bringing me here to School of Discipleship so that these areas in my life can be revealed.
I desire to live by faith and I am encouraged to do so by all the wonderful people here at Gospel for Asia. Each day they encourage me even when I fail to not give up and to keep running the race for Christ. Praise God 🙂
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Jul 21, 2012
“If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” -1 John 4:20.
How many times I have heard this, I cannot even begin to count. At School of Discipleship I think one of the key things taught here is love. Before coming here, I would read verses like these and say to myself “this doesn’t apply to me because I do love.” How do I know I love? Well, because I certainly don’t hate. I serve my family (only when they ask), I am patient with my little sister (only when she does what I say), I’m an encouragement when others around me are feeling down (only if I feel good or ‘up to it’). You get the point and the list goes on. Shortly after I got here to School of Discipleship, we read one one of Gospel for Asia’s required reading called The Calvary Road and the author Roy Hession specifically states that anything that is not love is hate…..when I read that my whole world turned upside down. I realized I have not been loving anyone AT ALL. I realized this, but I still justified myself and kind of brushed it off my shoulders.
Recently, God has humbled me and shown me yet again how I have not been loving those around me, therefore, I have not been loving Christ. The fact that I have not been loving the God who saved me from a life of death has broken me and hurt my heart so much. Recently, I have had quite a few instances where people have come up to me and told me how I hurt them by my words, tone, and actions. In the end all I wanted to do was go hide and say “I am not coming out of my closet until my year here is done — I refuse to talk or give advice because all I do is hurt people.” Only by His grace has He changed my heart because of my willingness to want to love others.
After all these experiences, I had to ask myself, “what is love anyway?” According to the Word of God love is patient, kind, does not envy, is not boastful, conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, not provoked, does not keep any record of wrong (that was hard for me to read), finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. (1 Cor. 13:4-7).
When the Lord showed me this verse (which is the complete definition of who He is and what true love is), I was so broken because too be honest I didn’t see any of this in myself. I am not patient or kind, I love to keep records of wrongs…and so many other things. I realized that I have not been loving any of my brothers or sisters, this way. As the Lord was showing me all this, my flesh wanted to run and hide, but my Spirit was saying “repent to all those whom you have not loved, and let Me get you through by My grace.” As I heard this from the Lord, this is exactly what I did. I asked a lot of people for their forgiveness and still have more people to ask. I will tell you though, that by me obeying and submitting to the Lord, I have so much freedom!!!
I am so challenged here, not just during the time I am at Gospel for Asia’s office, but more so in my daily living, especially in my apartment with the three others girls I have to live with. I don’t believe I ever knew what true love was until I came here to School of Discipleship, and to be honest, I still don’t know what it is. What I do know is that God is love and only by Him can I love others with the perfect love we all should be loving one another with.
I am so happy that the living God loved me enough to show me this area in my life that has lacked so greatly because it is a HUGE deal! I was lying saying I loved God when I couldn’t even love those around me. I am still learning this and striving to live it out each day, but only with Jesus Christ ruling my life. The second I decide to do it in my own strength, I fail. I have to consistently choose to remain in Him. Love is not something that the Lord has just given me I have to choose each second to love because love is a choice, and as I choose this it becomes more and more natural.
I pray that as I continue this journey here at Gospel for Asia‘s School of Discipleship , I will choose to love everyone with a pure heart because I desire to love, honor, and please my Lord.
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