I was hungry for Jesus. This was all I knew during my high school and community college days. I was not attracted to degrees or good jobs. I knew they were good and can absolutely be used for God’s glory, but there’s just got to be something more.
When peers or teachers would ask what I want to be or do, what degree I will pursue, I’ve always given a decent reply and tell them what they want to hear; more so, I would reply with what I thought was practical, normal, and good. But deep down in me, I wanted Jesus. There was nothing else that rung louder in my heart than knowing Jesus and serving him.
My sister and I would always talk before bed of a life that meant something. We desired for our futures to be more than being employed to pay for the bills. We knew that whatever is “more” had to do with more of Jesus—whatever profession we take on.
Every time I thought about the future, my future, I knew I wanted to do “great things.” I just did not know what “great things” entailed.
Deep within my soul, I trusted that God was working to fulfill his plans. Oh I was so clueless though! Every school felt too expensive, too far. My dreams of playing music were vague, seemed unrealistic and unpractical.
I read a book called “Revolution in World Missions” in high school. On the very last page was a brochure advertising Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship. It included a question very much familiar to the words of Jesus. It read: “Can you die to yourself for a year?” That’s how the Lord introduced me to where I currently am now.
Despite my love for Jesus, I did not want to attend an exclusive Christian college or work at a church or be a pastor. So, I set aside School of Discipleship in the back of my head, thinking that the program was only for those who want to be “in ministry,” which I always thought meant within the walls of a church.
A couple of years later, during college, little did I know that coming to Gospel for Asia would be the plan God had for me.
I was in my room crying to the Father for his will to be done in my life, for Him to take over every aspect of it. I said, “Lord, I don’t really know what I’m praying or asking for. All I know is I want you.”
Sure enough the Lord answered and led me to apply to School of Discipleship.
So now, I’m here! The Lord has provided the funds and support I needed and still is. I still don’t know what I want to be or do. I still feel clueless most of the time. But being here gives me time to seek more of the Father’s heart. Learning about the world around me and its need for Jesus, learning how to pray, digging deeper into God’s holy word, and living with people who live for nothing else but Jesus and His glory, is definitely shedding some light into how I can take God-glorifying steps for the future and more importantly for the now. A lot of my perspectives have changed and are changing. But what better place to be in at such a young age than in Jesus’ hands, listening to Jesus’ advice, and hearing Jesus’ thoughts?
[James 4:13-17]
TThis is what i want too, I don’t have much support behind me to go to this school but i really want to go, see, I don’t want to be a roofer for the rest of my life, Im a musician, and want to sing for God, but i need help, and prayer to get there.
Thanks for posting, Mariel! It’s been such a privilege to serve the Lord with you! 🙂
I love you!
Through Christ I can !
Wow I’m so happy for you! It’s exciting to follow God’s plan for your life and it’s the best decision you will ever make. God bless you!
It is a relief to hear someone who refuses to let that deep desire to pursue Jesus to be quenched by this world. I share in your yearning with no direction just a fire in my bones as Jeremiah once put it; while I’m to old to participate in S.O.D I encourage you to use this time of learning and renewal to grow in spiritual closeness and maturity with the Holy Spirit. This time will be a mental memorial to God’s work in your life, to remind you of His power when life becomes mundane or God has you on hold.
The spiritual world we live in will throw everything at you to distract you to from the pursuit of Jesus Christ and His work, I can only encourage you to never give in to the seduction of life’s ease. Many times I have stopped in discouragement, depression, and frustration to partake of fleshly ease that affords temporary relief from the continual spiritual battle waged against the soul. But in the midst of it God uses those past memorials and times of closeness with Him to draw me back, and remind me that I am not a citizen of this country just an ambassador; and the only way I will find true comfort or answers is in pursuit of Jesus Christ and Him alone.
Keep in mind that submission is the key to spiritual growth, and the only way forward is to sacrifice your pride to gain the reward of Christ’s likeness. It is in this state that we are an empty vessel prepared to do the work of the Holy Spirit.
It’s so awesome when young people are wholeheartedly seeking Jesus. Praise God for everything He is doing in and through your life. May it bring glory to His name.