Mar 10, 2015
I was hungry for Jesus. This was all I knew during my high school and community college days. I was not attracted to degrees or good jobs. I knew they were good and can absolutely be used for God’s glory, but there’s just got to be something more.
When peers or teachers would ask what I want to be or do, what degree I will pursue, I’ve always given a decent reply and tell them what they want to hear; more so, I would reply with what I thought was practical, normal, and good. But deep down in me, I wanted Jesus. There was nothing else that rung louder in my heart than knowing Jesus and serving him.
My sister and I would always talk before bed of a life that meant something. We desired for our futures to be more than being employed to pay for the bills. We knew that whatever is “more” had to do with more of Jesus—whatever profession we take on.
Every time I thought about the future, my future, I knew I wanted to do “great things.” I just did not know what “great things” entailed.
Deep within my soul, I trusted that God was working to fulfill his plans. Oh I was so clueless though! Every school felt too expensive, too far. My dreams of playing music were vague, seemed unrealistic and unpractical.
I read a book called “Revolution in World Missions” in high school. On the very last page was a brochure advertising Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship. It included a question very much familiar to the words of Jesus. It read: “Can you die to yourself for a year?” That’s how the Lord introduced me to where I currently am now.
Despite my love for Jesus, I did not want to attend an exclusive Christian college or work at a church or be a pastor. So, I set aside School of Discipleship in the back of my head, thinking that the program was only for those who want to be “in ministry,” which I always thought meant within the walls of a church.
A couple of years later, during college, little did I know that coming to Gospel for Asia would be the plan God had for me.
I was in my room crying to the Father for his will to be done in my life, for Him to take over every aspect of it. I said, “Lord, I don’t really know what I’m praying or asking for. All I know is I want you.”
Sure enough the Lord answered and led me to apply to School of Discipleship.
So now, I’m here! The Lord has provided the funds and support I needed and still is. I still don’t know what I want to be or do. I still feel clueless most of the time. But being here gives me time to seek more of the Father’s heart. Learning about the world around me and its need for Jesus, learning how to pray, digging deeper into God’s holy word, and living with people who live for nothing else but Jesus and His glory, is definitely shedding some light into how I can take God-glorifying steps for the future and more importantly for the now. A lot of my perspectives have changed and are changing. But what better place to be in at such a young age than in Jesus’ hands, listening to Jesus’ advice, and hearing Jesus’ thoughts?
[James 4:13-17]
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Jan 6, 2015
Was I Vulnerable?
The first day of orientation we started out with worship and prayer. To be vulnerable, I didn’t know any of the songs or hymns. I was a little unsure why the Lord had decided that this is where I needed to be, I didn’t really know how to pray other than asking for forgiveness.
As orientation went on we had different people talk to us about the unreached in Asia, their personal testimonies, and their journey with Christ. I noticed vulnerability about each of the speakers, not where it was a weakness or a lack of confidence, it was their humility. I wanted to be transparent to others, but I was so good at hiding my past and pretending my life wasn’t broken that I had become accustomed to being defensive and putting up walls. As the weeks went on, we learned about core values, and humility was one of them. Jesus showed me how He wanted me to humble myself and be honest not only with others but to Him and myself. I struggled with the thought of sharing all my faults and failures and my past with other people, especially people in the Body of Christ.
I was afraid that my classmates wouldn’t understand or that they would think I was some awful person. A week passed by and one of the girls in my class invited all the girls in our class for testimony sharing, I was so nervous I prayed about going and sharing my story. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to tell my new classmates about my past, I really struggled with this but then I realized that this was a chain of bondage that the enemy had over me. He had allowed me to believe that I wasn’t good enough to be saved, or tell my story with other believers because they would judge me.
When I looked to the Lord though, He told me I am worthy and this is a testimony of how mighty I am to save and how He delights over me and everyone who loves Him. I realized that I wouldn’t change if I didn’t speak up, and fill myself with humility and be vulnerable.
Before our testimony time, the Lord gave me courage and I was able to tell 4 girls my whole testimony before the official meeting, it was freeing and I was surprised with the reactions. I got hugs, and tears, and prayers of love. The official time came and I was so surprised about some of the struggles I had in common with other girls and I was the last to share. How I felt afterwards was indescribable. I felt lighter and not so heavy burdened.The Lord let me feel the freedom of humility. The girls reactions were nothing I expected. I was told I was beautiful and what an amazing story I had and how amazing the Lord is and how much He loved me. I received so many hugs, it was one of my highlights of my time in School of Discipleship. For the first time I understood the beauty of being in the Body of Christ. That’s what School of Discipleship has been so far for me, freedom to live in a community that is Christ centered, living within a body of Christ. I have the opportunity to learn from people who are filled with graciousness and Christ’s love. I have never once felt like I was being judged or I wasn’t “holy” enough. Everyone’s walk with Jesus is a lifetime commitment and I’m learning skills that will help me keep going no matter what I do. I am so thankful that the Lord has brought me here, and being in a place of constant encouragement.
“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners- of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His immense patience as an example for those who would believe in Him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.” ( 1 Timothy 1:15-17)
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Nov 5, 2014
As my year at School of Discipleship draws to a close, there is the ever-present question of “what’s next?” or “what is God’s will for my life?” According to God’s word, I do know that “God’s will” is just that–“God’s will.” This means not my will–which ultimately means a total abandonment of self and all self-interests and the total consecration to the Lordship of Christ in my life!
As I have pondered the various ways in which I could legitimately lay down my life for Jesus and the gospel sake, the Lord told me to read Matt. 28:18-20. “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth… Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations…” I had read this passage so many times and yet this time it stopped me and got me thinking really deeply concerning Christ and His eternal glory. As I felt the Spirit urging me to commit my life to pioneer missions amongst the unreached, especially to nations and peoples that don’t have any local witness, I questioned God by asking, “Why should I go? I mean, of what use am I to foreigners who will think me weird? And besides, I am not adequate to go anyhow.” The reply was very clear… “All authority has been given onto me”
“JESUS IS WORTHY!” This is the reason why I should go no matter how high the cost. In fact, the greater the price I am to pay to follow Him, the more precious and glorious He will become! The absolute Sovereign Lordship of Christ and His supreme glory over all the nations is what makes this such a “GREAT COMMISSION!” My only response can now be… “Here am I! Send me.” (Isaiah 6:8)
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Jun 10, 2014
“… if we are faithless, he remains faithful—for he cannot deny himself.” 2 Timothy 2:13
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6
“The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.” Psalm 138:8
“… just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love…” Ephesians 1:4
“Now to Him who is able to keep youfrom stumbling, And to present you faultless Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy…” Jude 24
How many more promises need to be made by a God who is incapable of lying before I will believe Him? My Friend has promised that He will always be with me, yet somehow, I would rather try to do things on my own. The work I’ve been called to do is not mine, but His. He will perfect everything that concerns me. He will do it because He is faithful.
So, what role do I play in this?
“But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.” Jude 20-21
“For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.” Hebrews 12:3
“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.” Hebrews 3:15
“Therefore let that abide in you which you heard from the beginning. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, you also will abide in the Son and in the Father. And this is the promise that He has promised us—eternal life.” – 1 John 2:24-25
Abba, convince us of Your goodness, please. Convince us that You are for us, that You love us, and that no matter what we do, Your heart towards us never changes. Convince us that Your grace is true, and that all You require of us is to be weak, and willing to receive You in our weakness. Convince us, Papa, that when we are weak, You are strong. It’s what You’ve promised.
Teach us to believe You, and teach us to receive Your love. Teach us that you are trustworthy.
Thank You for allowing us to come before You in complete confidence. Thank You for sending Jesus to be our Hope, our Redemption, our Sanctification, our Righteousness, our LIFE.
Faithful Father, teach us how to love you. Through Jesus I ask this, amen.
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Jun 10, 2014
On November 3, the church recognized International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. As I thought about and prayed for my brothers and sisters who are persecuted for their faith in Jesus, I also thought about being a martyr. I hear testimonies of people who have laid down their lives for the sake of the Gospel – and I think, “And that is worth it.”
I know that it is worth it to live for Jesus, and to lay down my life for His sake.
But why do I somehow think that living for Jesus is not worth losing sleep over, or is not worth being inconvenienced by? That being Jesus’ disciple is not worth giving up my comfortable life for?
I do believe that following Christ is worth giving my life and my everything for. But very often, the choices I make and the way I live my life do not reflect that.
Something is wrong here. Following Jesus IS worth everything. So I need to start living like it.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” – Matthew 16:24-25
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